I am 29 and I live under the same roof with both of my parents (72 and 73) and my two children (9 and 11). I am home full time with all of them and I am a full time student. I make dinner 7 nights a week, and lunch several times a week. No one else cooks, but they sure do bring their negative attitudes to the table for every meal. Lately nothing I make is good enough, and I have to hear them whine like children at every meal. Its hard to feel happy about cooking for them when they just treat me like crap. Ive asked that my parents leave on Fridays so I can clean the house and enjoy myself by listening to music while doing it. They never leave and Im stuck cleaning up after them in silence like a maid, which makes it a really daunting task that I never look forward to, plus the house never gets fully clean because they are always in my way or making messes where I have just cleaned. I do all of the yard work and repairs to the house, as well as keep all electronics in working order for both of them. My dad has early onset dementia and my mother has what I believe to be untreated bipolar disorder. My dad is fine usually but does have aggressive rages every so often(rare and always aimed at my mother), usually his problem is forgetting to do important self care, which I can help him with. My mother is angry all the time and walks the house trying to get one of us to argue with her. Today, she started an argument with me because I used a trash bag, to put trash in, when I was cleaning my childrens room with them.... I pretty much lost it. We aren't poor, we can afford trash bags, and im going to use them whenever I please. Im tired of living around someone who hates everyone and everything. Its depressing and exhausting. But if I left, one of them would end up in a nursing home very quickly, which I know they dont want and I dont want that for them either. This is just a snippet of our home life.... but does anyone have any tactics, ideas, or words that might help me see the light? Sometimes I just want to leave and never come back.
1. take yourself a very needed break...and when you return set some boundaries.
2. Meals - Council on aging can provide your parents with meals. As far as the rest, let everyone fend for themselves...go on a strike and I bet you will see a different attitude. Peanut Butter and Jelly works wonders for kids. Mac and Cheese!
3. Get you mom some professional help...there is all types of medicine for bipolar.
4. Find yourself a good handy man and let him take care of the yard......
5. Maybe it's you that needs the saving.....start your own life and let them find their own way.
6. Have you check in to getting your parents on home health through their doctors and you can get some assistance for them...social worker for your mom with all her issues, and you dad as well.
7. As far as the arguments your mom tries to start...walk out the room...do not say anything...it will only end up in a shouting match and nothing gets resolved..your mom has an illness...get it checked.
8. Get yourself some good self help books and read...and practice and read some more..but most of all take care of yourself....you are the number one person in your life! Joint a support group! Express your thoughts, and feelings, write in a journal everyday...because it will help..what seems like a big deal today is trivial to what comes next.
9. If nothing works for you...move on with your life! Be the best you can be for you!
Be patient, be kind and forgive...forgiveness is for you! It brings peace to yourself ... We only have one life...make it the best one you can!