I was not involved but my aunties were. I have been trying to get him home to his bungalow for 2 years because he doesn't want to die in a nursing home. I have said I will move back in with him to look after him. It's now in the court of protection where the judge will decide. But how did the nursing home accept him with no power of attorney over health and welfare?
Does anyone apart from you think it a good idea for you to be your father's primary carer?
... and a different question gets answered, e.g.
I can assure you I am perfectly capable of looking after my father.
And you have friends who are willing to help you. Asked neutrally, mind: what do these friends understand about what is involved in the full-time care of a person with Parkinson's Disease?
What your father wants is important, the Court will agree and of course so do I. What does he say now about what he wants? Note: not "he never wanted to die in a nursing home," but what does he say *now*? Now that your mother isn't there any more. Now that he is older, and probably frailer. Now that the furniture is all different. Now that he's been living in the same home for two years, with the same community of people (give or take), ever since his wife died and everything else that went on went on.
I hope it all works out for all of you, anyway.
13 years ago the OP moved in with her parents after a relationship broke down.
The OP's father developed Parkinson's Disease, and the OP and her mother looked after the father.
The OP continued, and continues, to work full-time.
At some point one or both parents created a Lasting (= Durable) Power of Attorney for Property & Finance, appointing both daughters jointly and severally to act for them.
It seems that no LPA for Health & Welfare (= MPOA and equivalents) was created.
Three years ago, the OP went away for a few days, asking her sister to keep an eye on both parents. During this brief break, the OP was telephoned by the sister's daughter and informed that the OP's mother had passed away. The sister lost no time in having the father admitted to residential care, the OP forced to pack up and move out, and the parents' house cleared and sold.
Here we are now, and the father is the subject of a submission to the Court of Protection. The Court of Protection is the final authority in the UK giving directions for people who are unable to make decisions for themselves: they appoint deputies (= guardians), resolve disputes about powers of attorney, annul LPAs where an attorney is shown to be unable to fulfil responsibilities, and give directions in the person's best interests regarding for example medical treatment, necessary deprivations of liberty, etc etc etc.
Now possibly the OP has a deal of money to spare and an energetic lawyer, or perhaps the sister is anxious to revoke the OP's LPA, or maybe the nursing home has raised a safeguarding concern which the local authority (responsible for Adult Safeguarding) is unable to resolve and has referred to the Court of Protection.
I don't know if it's an elephant or not, but the unidentified factor in the room seems to be what happened to mother, and why sister remains so very angry about it.
On the father's side of the family and the mother's side - the mother's own twin sister - there seems to be no doubt that the OP is not capable of managing the father's care, and that the father is best cared for where he is.
Alison, does *anyone* apart from you think it would be a good idea for your father to live with you? Fortunately, and I hope this is consolation, now that the Court has agreed to examine the case its options are pretty much unlimited. The Court is able to make all sorts of orders, and will be focused on providing your father with care that keeps him safe, meets his needs, and at the same time comes as close as possible to what he wants.
In assessing him for admission, the nursing home will have asked not specifically did your sister have LPA for Health and Welfare (useful but not essential, and presumably your father never created one), but did your father have mental capacity sufficient to decide where to live? The fact that there is a registered LPA for property and finance in force would tend to demonstrate that your father lacks the mental capacity to make complex, major decisions; and your sister acting both with LPA and as next of kin for the purpose dealt with the paperwork, signed the contract and paid the deposit. Did your father voice or otherwise indicate any objection that you know about? What point exactly do you think the nursing home could have or ought to have challenged?
And where were you? You say you've been trying to get him back to his bungalow for 2 years - what's the story?
If your father WAS suffering from dementia, and his sisters, your Aunts were jointly serving as his POA, and they believed it was in his best interests to be placed, then yes, he could be placed through his sisters under their POA.
Do know that when you take on the care of your father as his guardian you are responsible for more than his care, and will need to keep good records of his finances, as his guardian. Wishing you luck.
Yes my fathers sister and my mothers twin sister, let me explain bit more. My sister is an alcoholic who blames my father for my mother's passing 3 years ago. I moved back in with my parents 13 years ago after bad break up but couldn't leave because my mother dependedon me so much, my sister would call for 10 mins twice a week but other than that we wouldn't see her. My aunties all sided with my sister because she told them I was a thief so sadly they believed her. I had gone away for a couple of nights and asked my sister to watch over my parents till I return but had a phone call off my neice (sisters daughter who doesn't get on with her either) to explain that mother had passed away, I was so traumatised I could not think straight. In the meantime my neice phoned me to say I had better get back soon that my sister had taken all monies ie...... pension books, fathers savings, kids pocket money ( 5 tins for 5 children) mothers handbag with emergency money £2000 , and £14000 hidden in wardrobe that was my parents money. My sister told me to pack up and leave. I have more to say but in work now so later.
Thank you for your help.
This is a progressive disease, leading to needing much care for physical & mental issues.
Alison, you may be sad seeing Dad in the NH.
But that does not mean you can adequately care for his needs 24/7.
He may not wish to die in a NH. He may not wish to have this disease. But he does have it & you can't cure it.
I would advise getting more info & counselling for yourself to adjust & find acceptance.
Be a loving visitor for your Father instead.