We are paying for shower assist, but my mother refuses to comply. Because of “patient rights” she can do that. She says she showers every other day but the soap I put in the shower 3 months ago is in the same spot and you can read the brand on the soap. With the warmer weather, she is starting to stink more and more. Staph infections become a big problem now. Any advice?
If the workers in the facility won't shower her, then is there a reason that you can't do it?
My mother lives with me and would never shower ever again if I tolerated it. She gets a shower every Saturday because this is a dictatorship, not a democracy. I tell her that we can make it pleasant or we can make it unpleasant but it's getting done.
I turn the heat up to sweat level and sit her on a shower chair and ignore her protests.
So my advice is to put on some shorts and a t shirt and get in there with her if you have to. It shouldn't take long. I can scrub my mother down and wash her hair in just a few minutes.
Peace.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. They talk about showers specifically in the booklet as well.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Best of luck to you
I think it might be time for a move to Memory Care.
The staff in MC are much more able to get compliance from residents simply because they know how to deal with dementia.
If you do not want to move her to MC then the Shower aide has to be a bit more "forceful" with her. By forceful I do not mean physical force but by starting the conversation differently.
If she is saying "Maggie, do you want to take a shower now?" this is giving mom the option of saying "NO"
If she says "Maggie, I have the shower ready, let's go". this is a statement NOT a question and Maggie may be more apt to comply.
Just make sure that "Maggie" feel safe and comfortable.
A shower chair or bench.
Grab bars
Warm room
Not a lot of noise. the aide should talk to "Maggie" in quiet tones, not yelling over the sound of the water. If possible turn off the water after wetting her and while soaping/washing.
the head and torso are "sensitive" areas where a person feels vulnerable. If there is a shower wand let "Maggie" have control so she can direct where the water goes. Start at the feet an work up.
Did everything work? Maybe 5% in alternate days? 2%?
Hope for small solutions:)
I lived in an RV for 2 years and didn't shower. If I felt dirty, I washed with a wash cloth. No showering is not the end of the world.
Lack of showering or bathing is often a first indicator that there is a possibility of dementia onset. If you’re scared of slipping but have all your mental faculties… you know there are shower seats and grab bars to be installed that can greatly reduce any risk of falling. Keep a phone in the bathroom so you can easily call for help if you need it.
I also have an autistic brother who has sensory issues. Shower water is one of them. Sometimes, rather than forcing him to stand under the stream which can be distressing for him I will sit him on a shower chair and use the hand held attachment on low. That seems to help.
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