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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My 35 yr old daughter suffers from Bipolar/autism. My 73 yr old partner has physical problems and also does not understand my depression. I have clinical depression and losing hope.
Your health and leisure are important and require a break from caregiving.
Your daughter comes first. Contact the county for her assistance. If your partner is unmarried, you are not responsible for him, so he should move out.
I have a 41 yo daughter suffering from the same illness. Her father and I split taking care of her, but I often worry about who will take care of her when we are not able, as neither of us are young chickens. We have set up an ABLE trust for her.
Getting consistent care is difficult in the best of circumstances. My daughter is not compliant with her meds which always ends up in a critical situation.
I think you should look at the best placement options for her as you won't be able to do this much longer. What is the relationship with the disabled 73yo? If you are not married, I'd look at sending him on his way. You have no obligation to care for him, and hopefully he is not using you as a nurse and a purse.
My recommendation, you find a place for your daughter. If partner is 73 you are probably close in age. I am 76 and would not be able to care for two people. My spouse would come first in this scenario. And I will explain why.
I have a disabled nephew who can live on his own with supervision. He gets Social Security Disability, Medicare and Medicaid. He gets food stamps. The State pays 70% of his rent. He has a Coordinator and receives an aide once a week to take him shopping and to appts. This program has taken a lot of weight off my shoulders. There are resourses out there for your daughter. You are not going to live forever. Now is the time to get her help. Medicaid has an inhome program where you could get her an aide. Your County should have a Department of Disabilities. Really, the best thing would be to find her residential living where she would be people with the same challenges she has. Then you just visit.
What help do you have from a psychiatrist of psychologist? There are limits to what you can, as one person, do. You need now to have guidance both in what can sustainably be done for everyone in your family who is dependent on you at this time, and in self-caring. Options would be firstly a good licensed Social Worker in private practice of counseling, secondly in a few sessions with a good cognitive therapist. You are going to need to explore options; sadly, many of these options lead to setting limitations that are in and of themselves very depressing. Not everything has a good answer, and particularly in the world of mental illness, not everything has an answer.
I will recommend the Memoir by Liz Scheier again here, to you. It is called Never Simple. Ms. Scheier attempted much of her adult life to help and intervene for her mentally challenged mother, to no avail. While this isn't an uplifting story with a happy ending it does help one know that they are not alone in their struggle.
I am so sorry for all that you and your family are facing now. I think the load you are carrying is too heavy and you need assistance.
Is your daughter on disability? Does she have a case worker, or could you reach out to her doctor’s office for information about getting assistance in caring for her?
What kind of physical problems does your husband have? Could you contact your county’s Area Agency on Aging to see if there is any assistance there you could tap into to lighten your load?
Are you being treated for your depression?
Thinking of you and hoping you can find some help. 😊
Hi CA - I’m so sorry for the burden you’ve been carrying, and although you don’t say that much, your brief statement carries a lot of weight. I do feel the pain in your words. If you’re comfortable, please say more so you can maybe get better guidance, but I’ll try.
First, you. If you don’t take care of yourself, physically and spiritually (in whatever form the latter takes) you’ll be exactly where you are. I have been exactly where you are emotionally and I *do* understand clinical depression. The taking care of yourself needs to start in the smallest steps possible so you’ll do it… leave the house by yourself for 15 minutes for a walk, music on your head. Or take a book of short stories and sit on a park bench for those 15 minutes and get some sunshine on your head. Or just sit there and breathe. And for that 15 minutes turn off your phone. But start somewhere with pieces of time that belong to only you.
Your daughter. Addressing the obvious I know, but is she under proper medical supervision/on appropriate medication and/or in therapy for her bipolar? Is her autism such that she is able to engage in activities outside the home supervised/unsupervised? If she cannot be employed are there day programs where she can be enrolled to explore possible interests? Is she able to have any type of social life?
Your husband. Do his physical problems mean he is incapable of assisting you in household activities like cleaning and cooking and caring for and engaging with your daughter? Does he have any activities that take him outside the home and if so, what? Do you socialize as a couple with friends? Maybe spell out in a loving way how he can help ease your burden. Tell him what you need and Invite him to help you.
As far as your husband *understanding* your feelings of depression, I don’t have an answer for that. I wish I did. I think we all feel depression differently. If someone has been lucky enough to have never experienced the depths of it, they honestly believe we can just snap out of it…because they tell us to snap out of it. Nope. Sometimes I even tell myself “I don’t have to feel like this”. And I try music because it does help me. Or I’ll watch a comedy standup special on Netflix. Or take myself for a little walk. I do believe that nothing changes until something changes. But no one can fix me and no one ever could. I’m 67 and I’ve privately struggled with this since I was in my early teens. And my brand of depression is medication resistant. Eating well helps.
oh. And “progressive muscle relaxation” is great for your body. You can find that on YouTube on Therapy in a Nutshell.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Your daughter comes first. Contact the county for her assistance. If your partner is unmarried, you are not responsible for him, so he should move out.
Getting consistent care is difficult in the best of circumstances. My daughter is not compliant with her meds which always ends up in a critical situation.
I think you should look at the best placement options for her as you won't be able to do this much longer. What is the relationship with the disabled 73yo? If you are not married, I'd look at sending him on his way. You have no obligation to care for him, and hopefully he is not using you as a nurse and a purse.
I have a disabled nephew who can live on his own with supervision. He gets Social Security Disability, Medicare and Medicaid. He gets food stamps. The State pays 70% of his rent. He has a Coordinator and receives an aide once a week to take him shopping and to appts. This program has taken a lot of weight off my shoulders.
There are resourses out there for your daughter. You are not going to live forever. Now is the time to get her help. Medicaid has an inhome program where you could get her an aide. Your County should have a Department of Disabilities. Really, the best thing would be to find her residential living where she would be people with the same challenges she has. Then you just visit.
Options would be firstly a good licensed Social Worker in private practice of counseling, secondly in a few sessions with a good cognitive therapist. You are going to need to explore options; sadly, many of these options lead to setting limitations that are in and of themselves very depressing. Not everything has a good answer, and particularly in the world of mental illness, not everything has an answer.
I will recommend the Memoir by Liz Scheier again here, to you. It is called Never Simple. Ms. Scheier attempted much of her adult life to help and intervene for her mentally challenged mother, to no avail. While this isn't an uplifting story with a happy ending it does help one know that they are not alone in their struggle.
Is your daughter on disability? Does she have a case worker, or could you reach out to her doctor’s office for information about getting assistance in caring for her?
What kind of physical problems does your husband have? Could you contact your county’s Area Agency on Aging to see if there is any assistance there you could tap into to lighten your load?
Are you being treated for your depression?
Thinking of you and hoping you can find some help. 😊
I’m so sorry for the burden you’ve been carrying, and although you don’t say that much, your brief statement carries a lot of weight. I do feel the pain in your words. If you’re comfortable, please say more so you can maybe get better guidance, but I’ll try.
First, you. If you don’t take care of yourself, physically and spiritually (in whatever form the latter takes) you’ll be exactly where you are. I have been exactly where you are emotionally and I *do* understand clinical depression. The taking care of yourself needs to start in the smallest steps possible so you’ll do it… leave the house by yourself for 15 minutes for a walk, music on your head. Or take a book of short stories and sit on a park bench for those 15 minutes and get some sunshine on your head. Or just sit there and breathe. And for that 15 minutes turn off your phone. But start somewhere with pieces of time that belong to only you.
Your daughter. Addressing the obvious I know, but is she under proper medical supervision/on appropriate medication and/or in therapy for her bipolar? Is her autism such that she is able to engage in activities outside the home supervised/unsupervised? If she cannot be employed are there day programs where she can be enrolled to explore possible interests? Is she able to have any type of social life?
Your husband. Do his physical problems mean he is incapable of assisting you in household activities like cleaning and cooking and caring for and engaging with your daughter? Does he have any activities that take him outside the home and if so, what? Do you socialize as a couple with friends? Maybe spell out in a loving way how he can help ease your burden. Tell him what you need and Invite him to help you.
As far as your husband *understanding* your feelings of depression, I don’t have an answer for that. I wish I did. I think we all feel depression differently. If someone has been lucky enough to have never experienced the depths of it, they honestly believe we can just snap out of it…because they tell us to snap out of it. Nope. Sometimes I even tell myself “I don’t have to feel like this”. And I try music because it does help me. Or I’ll watch a comedy standup special on Netflix. Or take myself for a little walk. I do believe that nothing changes until something changes. But no one can fix me and no one ever could. I’m 67 and I’ve privately struggled with this since I was in my early teens. And my brand of depression is medication resistant. Eating well helps.
oh. And “progressive muscle relaxation” is great for your body. You can find that on YouTube on Therapy in a Nutshell.
i wish you the best. I wish you joy.
warmly, J