How do I determine how much care my dad needs? He has good days and bad days.

Look at it this way: at 95, he's only declining from here. By that age, my mother had been living in AL for 7 years, thankfully. There comes a time when independence is a thing of the past, let's face it.

First, get POA if you don’t yet have it. And second, download a polst document as a framework for having a frank discussion with dad and with yourself.

First off, if there was something that fixed the heart issue would he or you do it? My surgeon sister has had many a discussion about some pacemaker or transplant has kept their parents alive long enough to enjoy becoming immobile or demented. Were I him, I would rather go sooner rather than just live to become an incontinent bedridden barely conscious vegetable. And were I you, I would want the same thing.

Bowel movements will lower blood pressure too.

If you Dad is having fluid retention problems this is not good. His heart is not beating strong enough to get rid of fluid in his body. I think this is a wake up call. Maybe be time for Assisted Living. Eyes on him 24/7. Maybe you can have cameras put in from your house to his. Yes, see what the doctor says.

My MIL in LTC often "fainted" while using the toilet. It is the vagus nerve issue in her case. But then not being able to rouse him for an hour... doesn't sound good. My MIL came to shortly after fainting. Your Dad could fall of the seat and hit his head.

I agree that you should wait to see what his doctor says, and this will help guide your next conversation about more help.

If you are his PoA then read the document and see what is required to activate your authority. Then make sure to do what's required so that you can legally manage his affairs and make decisions on his behalf.

The hourly rates for in-home aids depends on what state and county you live in, and whether you are in a populated area or rural. In my area it starts at $25 p/hr for an experienced person if you hire privately. Agencies cost more but they provide more services, like vetting the aids, and providing subs. This is a whole other conversation.

I think I'd wait & see what the Cardiac Dr has to say. I'd ask for honesty. Then you can let that advice settle & discuss with Dad what he wants. What he really wants... (My Grandmother didn't want a pacemaker, didn't want CPR - wanted what nature decided).

Actually, considering Dad's age, considering the episode where you found him asleep (or unresposive?) I'd gently start the conversation about CPR now. I don't wish to alarm, but many go on the toilet. There is some sort of link with bowel movements & heart.

It is only going to get worse, he is declining. It is not going to get better than what you are looking at today. Get a plan in place for his care. Hopefully he has a will, power of attorney and health proxy. If he has assets he should either get caregivers in house or go into a SNF.

If his only asset is his home, see an eldercare attorney about applying for Medicaid.

DO NOT pay for this yourself, you will be in your father's situation eventually and you will need to pay for your own long term care. You cannot expect anyone to do this.

You can’t predict how many good and bad days. At 95 , he’s declining .

You can contact your County Area of Aging for them to come to his home to do a needs assessment . Look on your County website . This will help determine the level of care he needs .

It’s possible he may need 24/7 supervision , if not now, soon . If that’s the case , a facility is usually less expensive than in home care. But you’ll have to price care agencies and facilities in his area.

His house could be sold to help pay for his care . Family should not be funding this. Family need to save for their own retirements .

Good Luck.