My sister is broke, owes every CC company, has 2 mortgages on her house and owes the IRS for 10 yrs of back taxes. She started having dementia with hallucinations about 6-9 months ago. Physical health very poor. Several falls and hospitalizations later, finally agreed to go into IL with extra care. Only way I would contribute to her care was if she signed POA to one of my 3 sons, her choice who. We finally got her moved in, but the son with POA seems to be doing all the work and the other 2 aren’t doing their share. My husband has Stage 4 lung cancer and I have a host of health problems, so there isn’t much we can do physically. I am paying her IL and med mgmt costs, hoping there is enough left from sale of house to reimburse me. My concern is that the POA is drowning 1 son, and the others only help when asked directly. Their excuses are family, work, etc, but everyone has the same issues. I am seeing their relationships deteriorate because of my sister’s spend-thrift ways, which makes me mad at her! Feel like I’m caught in the middle of a tornado!
Have you applied for Medicaid? That might help
Has she been declared incompetent?
(also with the dementia and hallucinations I think she would be better in Memory Care NOT IL. In IL she can leave whenever she wants, MC she would be in a locked unit so she can not leave without someone with her.)
I would discuss with an Elder Care Attorney that she needs a Guardian appointed. Tell the Attorney that there are no family members that can take this on and a Court Appointed Guardian will be put in charge. the great disadvantage to this is you, the family will loose control and will not have anything to say about where she is placed. BUT I do not think you are physically, financially able to take this on. And this should not be the responsibility of any of your sons.
Sorry if this is not the answer you were looking for but to answer that...
You can not "make" them or "get" them to be equally responsible for your sister. Particularly when what is probably going through their mind is "she got herself into this mess now we have to worry about her AND mom and dad." I am sure they are more concerned about the two of you NOT their aunt. And the other thought is ..you are spending money on your sister that will be needed for YOUR care and DAD'S care.
Your decision is appalling to me and I feel sorry for all three of your sons especially the one who got roped into being POA.
Your sister made a bunch of bad life choices, and now it's hers to deal with, not your children!!! Or you for that matter.
Let the county take over. They can manage her mess and get her placed.
Unless you are a gazillionaire, you probably don't have the financial means to care for your sister AND for yourself and your husband. Because you are hoping that you will get reimbursed from the sale of your sister's house, I suspect that you are not a gazillionaire. And with two mortgages on her house, how much do you realistically think will be left for you even if you were able to recoup some money?
Please do right by your son and take this monkey off his back. Get yourself a consultation with an elder law attorney. Your sister cannot sign new paperwork given her dementia. Your spendthrift sister made poor choices about money and it is unfair of you to expect your sons to take her on on top of whatever responsibilities each of them already has.
If you have a lawyer, your son could probably resign thru him. The lawyer may also be able to become her guardian. The money from the sale of her house can be used for guardianship.
Its not fair to your son to have to deal with all this. And u have enough with ur husband. You need to do what you need to do.
Your sons are not responsible for their Aunt. The son with POA can resign. I know, its ur sister but there is just two much for you to deal with. I think your money would be better spent on a lawyer who understands Medicaid. Thats what your sister needs at this time. Her SS and any pension she receives will go towards her care in LTC. The creditors cannot come after her. They will have to eat the debt. Let the Mortgage company have the house. As said, you will not get reimbursed anyway. Medicaid doesn't allow it for one thing. Let someone else take over the responsibility of her care. You have enough on your plate. This may sound uncaring, but your sister is where she is because of the choices she made. She just kept putting bandaids on her problems. Its not ur responsibility or ur sons to now solve them. DO NOT try to pay her debts. That is neither yours or or sons responsibility.
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