After 42 years I found my mother and had to move her in with my husband and I. That was 2 years ago. It has been a battle to get her to take care of herself. She is a diabetic with an A1C of over 12. No matter what I say or what I do she will eat what ever she wants. I can take it out of the house and she will have friends take her to get what ever she wants while I'm at work. I come home and find her passed out and she acts like it doesn't matter. She has had a heart attack from high blood sugar, a mild stroke and kidney failure. She thinks it gives her bragging rights because she is still here.
I don't even know what to do. We just found each other, but I'm worried I can get in trouble for neglect if she continues on with this destructive behavior.
I found my birth family at 43 years old. My birth mother had died by then, my birth father was kept a secret, and the 6 half siblings were all in very bad shape. They were hoping I'd be their savior, I think, but in truth, they were strangers to me. I had my own family to take care of, and my adoptive parents who'd need my help down the road, etc. I didn't even take THEM into my home to do hands on care, but managed their lives for them in IL, AL and then Memory Care Assisted Living.
I keep in touch with one half sister these days, 24 years later. We talk once in awhile, she attended my wedding, I attended hers. That's about it. I have friends I feel closer to than my half siblings, tbh. We don't owe one another anything, and had my birth mother been alive, I'd have only wanted to meet her for some sense of grounding and feeling for where I came from, that's all.
Idk what your situation is, but I do know you can't care about your mother more than she cares about herself. It sounds like she's trying to play the odds on how long she can live with diabetes and kidney disease, eating sweets all day. Why would you want to be a party to that? Think about it.
Best of luck to you.
Did you have ideas about what she would be like? How your relationship would be?
Accepting this woman, as she is, may be your next challenge.
“ had to move “ Mom in with you .
Because the truth is you didn’t have to . You were not responsible for your mother .
You can’t force Mom to listen to the doctors. Why would you think you would get in trouble for her destructive habits ?
Are you POA?
Is Mom competent but makes bad decisions ? ( Not your responsibility ) .
Or does she have Dementia ?
All you can do is try to keep healthy food in the house , what she does with her friends is out of your control .
If she has little money or income , get her applied for Medicaid because she’s headed for a nursing home if she doesn't have a sudden fatal event from her medical problems .
Please don’t confuse the fact that you are happy to have found her with thinking you are responsible for her , unless she’s not competent and you have POA .
I suspect your mother has had bad habits her whole life . And now she’s a squatter in your home . Please don’t take on hands on caregiving for someone self destructive. Should she have a stroke or some other reason that she can’t care for herself , do not quit your job to take care of her . She made her bed and it’s in a nursing home in the future . Do not ruin your own life and marriage because of her self distruction .