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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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How do I justify to my husband that my sister who is caregiver to my mother needs my presence and me being there several times a year without me favoring my mother and sister over him? He is threatening to leave me after being together for 17 years!
Brenda, I hate to say this but hubby is sounding like a spoiled child. Good grief, what if this was his Mother and he needed to go help his sibling every now and then. Women understand this, I just don't know why some men feel abandoned when the wife leaves.
Being home alone. One knows how scary those vacuum cleaners and washing machines machines can be :P
We don't have enough information to weigh in. Do you have responsibilities at home that you are expecting him to take care of? Does he have health issues ? Are you both retired? Does he support you? I'm sorry you feel you have to justify what you feel you need to do. That's an awful feeling. You have to live with you when all is said and done. My first impulse was to say pack his bag but I realize it's not that easy.
If your husband feels neglected or abandoned, there is nothing you can say or do that is going to change that feeling.
How long are you gone for each time, and how many times a year? Is he upset because he feels neglected, or is he upset because this is wearing you out?
Does your mother require a higher level of care than either you or your sister can provide at this point?
For some reason men (and even some women) are needy and self centered. I agree with the other people, and at the same time I get where your sister is coming from.
Your husband needs to have some understanding and compassion, but this might be asking a lot especially if he's been like this for a long time. Nothing against him, it's just that some people don't understand and they need their eyes opened up.
Maybe take your husband for a short time with you to your sister, just a few days to open his eyes. He's a man and he needs to step up and be a man and support you, his wife and your family, because that is what a real man does.
If nothing else, maybe start small and the gradually increase the help?
I doubt he would leave but it sounds like you aren't losing a lot if he does. You have to do what you think is right and it doesn't matter if it's 4 times a year or 3, for weeks or months. Just do what your conscience tells you and tell him you hope he stays but if not, you understand. I'm sorry you are being pulled apart like this at an already difficult time.
I agree with the others, there is a lot you're not telling us so it is difficult to say anything. I know a lady that left her DH to live with her mother in another state and her mother lived another 8+ years!
When my dad needed my presence, we were fortunate that I could place a mobile home on my property and navigate between both abodes to care for Dad and DH however it was needed.
The only thing I can suggest is you sit down with your DH and find out the reason he is thinking of leaving you over this. The answer might surprise you - and again, maybe not. You can't fix a problem until and unless you understand it from all angles.
If he is threatening to leave you because you are going to care for YOUR MOTHER several times a year....hm. Unless there is some really major detail you forgot (your Sister/Mom hate him & have always tried to break the two of you up, you are gone for months, you hang out with your ex-husband/high-school boyfriend, or go you partying at casinos & blow the household budget), I'm not sure what his objection is.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Being home alone. One knows how scary those vacuum cleaners and washing machines machines can be :P
How long are you gone for each time, and how many times a year? Is he upset because he feels neglected, or is he upset because this is wearing you out?
Does your mother require a higher level of care than either you or your sister can provide at this point?
Your husband needs to have some understanding and compassion, but this might be asking a lot especially if he's been like this for a long time. Nothing against him, it's just that some people don't understand and they need their eyes opened up.
Maybe take your husband for a short time with you to your sister, just a few days to open his eyes. He's a man and he needs to step up and be a man and support you, his wife and your family, because that is what a real man does.
If nothing else, maybe start small and the gradually increase the help?
Leaving 4 times a year for a month each time is much different than leaving 3 times a year for a week.
When my mom needed help - my husband's immediate response was "we need to do the right thing". It wasn't easy but mom was family.
There is obviously more to the story here.
When my dad needed my presence, we were fortunate that I could place a mobile home on my property and navigate between both abodes to care for Dad and DH however it was needed.
The only thing I can suggest is you sit down with your DH and find out the reason he is thinking of leaving you over this. The answer might surprise you - and again, maybe not. You can't fix a problem until and unless you understand it from all angles.
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