How do I protect my Dad from scammers?

Update: I got the phone numbers from dad's wallet. My husband is going to call these ladies and advise them that we are aware that they have done this and that dad is demented and we are watching out for elder abuse. Since we don't know the circumstances of why he got their numbers we don't want to jump to conclusions that they meant harm to dad.
With regard to his finances I am already on his checking account. I just need to make sure his rents get in the bank and not all in his wallet. After this Thanksgiving visit it is VERY apparent that he should not be alone so we worked out a 2 week schedule where he will only be alone 2 days (1 weekend) and hopefully my niece can check on him them. He is aware of his memory loss and it is frightening to him, of course. So, while I am down there I intend to work on cleaning the house better, having him help me make small repairs to keep him busy, and also get a gal to come in as my friend (hired help) and acquaint herself with dad and vice versa so I have respite from him. That's the plan at least! Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it and will learn from those who have gone before me.

We have POA for my inlaws and it has taken us a year to get their affairs under control. Money was going out the window and huge amounts were lost. You need to manage the business. Have a weekly business meeting with your father and go over the finances. Take him and your POA paperwork to the bank and get your name added on the account. Get online banking access to those accounts so you can monitor them. Stop rent checks from going to him. Arrange for renters to make automatic electronic payments or have them mail their rent checks to you. Give your dad an allowance. The weekly business meetings will make him less angry and help him accept your help.

He is not going to be happy about all this change - ever - so learn how to manage someone with declining brain function. From another forum poster I learned about Teepa Snow and have been watching her videos on YouTube and "Reality Orientation vs. Validation Therapy" was eye opening. You can do this. Good luck!

I think you going to have to get a bit tricky with some of this. You need to get as much control of his finances as possible using any and all methods possible. This is complicated by the rental properties. Don't hesitate to go through his wallet and ditch phone numbers from these girls. When my Dad starting making a mess of finances I bought him a new wallet and got him to let me transfer his stuff. I got rid of a dozen store cards, credit cards, all kinds of stuff he didn't need and would just get lost or stolen. I left him one card and stuffed in some pictures and other junk to fill it up. He said, Boy! This new ones a lot thinner! I said, Yea Dad, it's got a lot more room in it.

This is just one example of a little fibbing that can help dramatically. There will come a point when you just have to do what has to be done, fibs or not, to protect his assets. My Mom gives Dad a check each week for $100. He cashes it at the bank, gives her fifty and he keeps fifty. Some times he doesn't spend a cent in a week other times he either spends it or loses it, we're not really sure, but the damage is limited to fifty bucks. Dad thinks Mom does the bills but I've been paying their bills for over a year. Also check his mail. Is he writing checks to junk charities? Getting phone scams? I'm still struggling to get my folks to hang up on the crap phone calls and throw away the junk charity mail.

Perhaps you can start to protect him by focusing on the various aspects that comprise the whole issue of monitoring his finances.

Find something more interesting and helpful for your father to occupy his time than going to WalMart. Mancaves would even be better, and to the best of my knowledge they don't exploit their workers as does WalMart. I don't know any man who doesn't like to wander through the tool and hardware aisles of Lowes and Home Depot.

When you can get access to the women's phone numbers, contact the local WalMart and advise the manager what happened. Emphasize that you don't want these women to lose their jobs, but that they need to be counselled not to give personal information to any customers. Another thing, you don't even know if they gave him their real numbers.

Consider taking your father to free get-togethers. Librairies have book clubs, coffee discussion groups, musical entertainment. Senior citizen centers have a variety of activities as well. If he's a veteran, find out if there are get-togethers in his area.

Consider starting something like a ROMEO (Retired Old Men Eating Out) group with his friends or former co-workers.

Apparently he drives; maybe he could volunteer to be a Meals on Wheels driver. If not, perhaps he could help at one of the organizations that distributes free food for people in need. If he's outgoing, he could volunteer at one of the hospitals (especially the VA) to deliver books or magazines to in-patients or at the clinics. There are probably some volunteer opportunities at other hospitals in the little stores, flower shops, etc.

If you help him raise his self esteem and feel good about himself, he might not be as susceptible to gold diggers who probably kiss up to him.

The rent check issue is concerning. I'm wondering if this would work - tell your father you want to help him manage his properties and will handle rent collection. Then set up a separate account with both of you as signatories, but advise the renters to send the checks to you. Don't just do it - convince him that you're helping in an effort to manage his overall finances for long term purposes.

And create a long term savings plan and share it with him, so he understands that the rental money may be needed for long term care or future in home care. Boost the estimates so that the plans justify a higher level of savings now. Gently tell him you want to make sure there's enough funds for you to take care of him if anything happens. And make sure when you go over the monthly plans with him that the accounts are always close to the minimum, so that there's no room for frivolous and unaccountable expenditures.

I've been through this and still deal with it on some levels. At the Alzheimer's Creating Confident Caregivers classes I attended, we discussed the issue of elders being tricked by scammers or buying lots of stuff they'll never use. I'm not sure anyone really knows the psychology behind this, but I do think that they feel they're helping others, something they can only do financially b/c they don't have the physical strength any more.

So then you have to focus on ways they can help others, such as the volunteer work I mentioned above.