She is 99 and really needs more care..I should go when we take her to the nursing home but it will break my heart. I see her every day and knowing that I may not see her again and knowing she is looking for me makes it so hard.
Do I let my brothers and sisters take her or do I go...how do I tell her I broke her promise...she tells me all the time “I do not want to go to a nursing home”. We had homecare come but they cannot come that often and my brother and I need some time off...
I feel so guilty and am so down cause I feel I am failing her...
Would a short stint for respite work instead? Say 4 weeks? So you get a break & can research more in-home options? Her needs may exceed what home care services & family can now do.
If so, then do what must be done. You are still caring for her, just in a different setting. It won't feel like it until the restrictions are lifted & I get the fear of leaving her feeling abandoned. I suppose working with the staff to find what you can do? Window visits, video calls? Limited time in person visits.
Back to the broken promise: one idea is put the blame on some other authority? I want you to stay home too but The Doctors feel this is best. Bit sneaky but maybe? (We blamed the broken hip). Or blame Covid!!!
Hopefully if you can find a way to rewrite some of your thoughts, you may feel more at peace: Less I broke the promise & more I kept the promise as long as I could. Less I feel guilty for needing time off & more having my own needs met will make me happier, healthier & better to care for her. No guilt please for 'failing her'! You have NOT failed. You are lovingly arranging MORE care, in the MC accommodation + visits from caring family.
Call her every day & tell her you love her. Be kind to yourself ❤️.
Have you visited any nursing homes or assisted living facilities? They usually are not the nightmares of the old times. Most of them do a very good job.