I’ve been full time caregiver to my 97 yr old dad for 7 months. I have moved out of state to move in with him. I fully expected to get a p/t job here but he has has one medical issue after another. I finally had to get a job to pay my bills but I am stressed beyond belief leaving him alone for 5-6 hrs. He is mentally pretty good and pretty mobile but when it comes to safety the switch is off. I’m afraid I’ll come home to find him on the roof to fix a leak... He thinks he is still 50. Caregiving alone exhausts me, now I have to work a physical job on top of that. I have no social life. We have applied for aid and attendance to either pay me or respite care, praying that comes through for us. So... how do you all, do it all???
Would you be able to get a companion for him during the day, maybe a neighbor, a volunteer or a paid caregiver? Or perhaps he can join a community group where other members can look out for him? Of course, it's easier said than done. My dad is pretty mobile too, but very reliant on me for companionship. But I am learning that I need to build a support system around me -- companions for him, specialists I can talk to, etc. -- so that I can "delegate" some tasks and have some breathing space. I'm in this process now, so good luck to both of us!
I also installed a security camera that enables me to view what's happening at home through my cellphone. It's not an expensive one, just a small portable one (just like a baby monitor) which I place in the living room where Dad usually is. When I call home and no one answers, at least I have the facility to view what's happening at home and stop panicking.
8 years now here.
It is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. The right thing always is.
Totally understand the exhaustion. What's helped me thus far is the planning process as far as trying to make some alternative care arrangements so that my mom can have good care, but so I can still have a life too. It's most definitely easier said than done, and we haven't gotten there yet, but just having the goal that we're working towards little by little helps me to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hugs to you, I know it is not easy.
A 24/7 caregiver is almost an oxymoron. I was one and some days I felt like I was just an idiot for even trying to do it all. But I was an idiot madly in love with my DH and I was thankful to be able to be a 24/7 caregiver as there was just no one else available to assist me.
There will be no social life unless you make time and room for yourself in this mix. Since my DH was my social life, while I felt isolated - I was isolated with the love of my life. Had he lived longer, I would gladly still be attending to him.
He should be eligible for some aid & assistance and possibly you can even get paid (I couldn't get anything as the spouse) - if he was a veteran, the VA should be able to offer advice and possibly some help.
Praying for you and your sanity.
Take care of yourself PLEASE!!!!!
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