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Both my parents passed away in 2020 and it's still hard. They lived with me and my husband. I still haven't gone thru all their items.

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You take one day at a time. One box at a time.
If you have not talked to a Bereavement Counselor it might be time.
I can not relate to the loss of a parent as an adult. I was 11 when my Mom died and just over 4 years later my Dad died. And my Grandma died between the two of them. This was back when there were no "grief counselors, therapists, support groups" that kids would be able to talk about their feelings. My sister and I dealt with it day by day. To this day there are times when I get a bit melancholy and wonder what they would think of me as an adult. And I think about what it would be like to have been an adult caregiver for the 3 of them.
There is a little note above my computer that sorta helps sometimes.
Grief never ends
But it changes
It is a passage,
not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness
nor a lack of faith.
It is the price of love.
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Melora Jul 2022
Thank you, so very much for this. I’m writing it down and maybe it’ll help me when I’m still dealing (a lot of times not very successfully!) with grief on a daily basis.
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear parents. I lost both of mine last year in less than a month, so maybe I can help with a few thoughts.
- I still miss them very much and always will. Tears still come at unexpected times.
- The best thing I did was have several sessions with a therapist. Perhaps that, or a grief group, or even online message boards. A couple of sites that I appreciate: whatsyourgrief.com and grief.com.
- Going through their items was exhausting and emotional, and at times generated a laugh. But it's important to do it, and important to feel the feels, no matter how strong. The only way through the grief is to really feel it, not by avoiding it.

I wish you all the best. You can do this.
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I attack getting rid of things immediately so that I can move forward with my life. Avoidance really doesn't accomplish anything, and having their stuff around only makes is worse for you.

Seems that you are stuck, might be time for you get some grief counseling.

We are born to die, each day we are one step closer. While here, it is up to us to treat each day as a gift. The past is gone, the future unknown, today is to be embraced.
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Isthisrealyreal Jul 2022
Each day is a gift, that's why we call it the present!
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Take pictures of their things, store the pictures on a digital device. Then toss the things. When you want to reminisce, view them on your computer or TV. It really is better than feeling that you have to keep a lot of old junk. Works for me and was satisfying to get it over with.
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I suggest you have stuffed animals made from the clothing your parents wore most often. That's what I did and every time I look at the stuffies, it reminds me of them. Hold onto the mementos you love, then donate the remainder to a worthy cause. At your convenience, of course, because there is no timetable to grief.

I recommend this book for you: On Grief & Grieving, by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross & David Kessler

https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Grieving-David-Kubler-Ross/dp/1471139883/ref=sr_1_3?crid=13LIUOB1RMYDT&keywords=on+grief+and+grieving+by+elizabeth+kubler-ross&qid=1658443378&sprefix=on+grie%2Caps%2C179&sr=8-3&ufe=app_do%3Aamzn1.fos.2b70bf2b-6730-4ccf-ab97-eb60747b8daf

David Kessler went on to write another book discussing what he calls the 6th stage of grief: Finding Meaning

Oftentimes, we get so caught up in caregiving for a parent or loved one that we lose ourselves in the process. Then they pass, and we find ourselves lost, without meaning, trying to figure out 'what now?' You may be at that point in your life, I don't know. If so, check out this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Meaning-Sixth-Stage-Grief/dp/1501192744/ref=pd_bxgy_sccl_1/141-2965975-2682854?pd_rd_w=3p9Sm&content-id=amzn1.sym.7757a8b5-874e-4a67-9d85-54ed32f01737&pf_rd_p=7757a8b5-874e-4a67-9d85-54ed32f01737&pf_rd_r=G65WEWAJVCT0153C8QSA&pd_rd_wg=bI2z9&pd_rd_r=7cfdb564-ffcb-4326-8830-1743468baccb&pd_rd_i=1501192744&psc=1

For most of his life, Kessler taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about end of life, trauma, and grief, as well as leading talks and retreats for those experiencing grief. Despite his knowledge, his life was upended by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. How does the grief expert handle such a tragic loss? He knew he had to find a way through this unexpected, devastating loss, a way that would honor his son. That, ultimately, was the sixth stage of grief—meaning. In Finding Meaning, Kessler shares the insights, collective wisdom, and powerful tools that will help those experiencing loss.

My condolences on the loss of your parents; I know how hard it is, so my heart goes out to you. Wishing you peace and acceptance as you move forward with your life.
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Bren11 Jul 2022
Yes to all of this. These are the books that also helped me after the death of my Mom in 2006 and I'm trying to draw on what that gave me as I currently experience my Dad's decline. Your response is perfect and I wish everyone could read it. Thank you!
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You will always miss your parents and any loved ones who die. Grief is something you incorporate into your life experience, but it is not ALL of your life experience. Acknowledge your sadness and "carry it with you," but participate in life. Find moments of joy and beauty around you. Share the person your parents helped you be with other people.
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I was raised where death was part of life. We grieve and go from there. If u have faith, you tell yourself they are in a much better place free from worries and pain. My Mom was 89 in the last stages of Dementia. Her passing was a blessing. Dad passed at 79 from heart problems and he considered he was on borrowed time. He felt he was going to die in his 60s.

Time to get rid of their things. And as you do, allow the memories. Have a good cry. If after you do all that and you still feel like you do now, you may need to see a grief counselor.

I like cinderblocks idea. As I replied to her, you can have a blanket made out of Tshirts. Favorite shirts made in to pillows, you can hug.
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Yes death is hard.
I agree with a couple of the other answers.
My story quickly.... my Mama died... 4 months later my friends mom died. I went through my Mamas things the weekend she died, before we even had the appointment with the counselor at the mortuary. My friend she waited a few months (the reason I remember that is I had told her is... family and friends may have send you money knowing you may need it you need to go through your mail) she finally went through her mail found checks from friends and family and that started the ball rolling because she went through her moms things, and her dads things (he passed 10 years before her mom). Well every time she would come across something that would bring up a memory... well she and I would reminisce then move on. Tears, love, then peace. I will always cry when I watch a program my Mama liked or make one of her special foods, or when I watch a western that my Daddy loved or fill my car with gas (he taught me to drive and to fill my car with gas). Yes its hard, yes you will miss them, yes you will remember them, yes you will cry all these things will never end they may lessen but when you love you have that forever! Do not be afraid its natural its love!
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I spent over a month going through my parents things after my mom passed earlier this year. We had to sell her house so there was no escaping it. My mom was an artist and a world class shopper. My emotions ranged from annoyance (how many beige linen suits do you really need?) to involuntary tears holding her little green suede loafers and back again. I donated, threw, gifted and divided among the sisters and relatives. I believe that it was extremely valuable as I was able to experience the entirety of my parents lives, and not get stuck in the dementia of my moms final years. I found a book of my grandmother’s poems, written during world war 2. A box of letters that my parents wrote while they were courting. Ps that box was at the bottom of a pile of faded Xmas decorations bound for the trash. Along with the other stages of grief mentioned by others, I would say have the courage to go through their things. I don’t regret the things that I got rid of but I’m immensely comforted by the items in my house now, as it symbolizes who they were and how they live on in me and my sisters. Good bless you.
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I miss my parents and am kicking myself for not asking them questions about their ancestry, etc. Yet at the same time I feel liberated and emancipated.
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