My dad was called for a routine scan because he was an ex smoker and because of his age just before Xmas. They found early stages of lung cancer the consultant and his team said he was fit enough (as he use to be at gym everyday he was fitter than me to be honest) for a lobectomy. 2 weeks later he had the operation to remove a lobe from his left lung the op was successful and the cancer had been took out. 5 days after the op he was allowed home with oxygen 2 days of him been home he was took back in to hospital struggling to breath we then found out the right lung was too damaged with COPD and something else and the operation should never of happened they told us my dad would not be coming home. I can't believe my dad went in fit and healthy didn't even have any symptoms of cancer just lucky had been called for this scan and they found it to never coming home. He had a death bed marriage 6 days before he died. The day I got to visit the doctor came said they had been talking over the weekend and my dad has asked for his oxygen to be removed I didn't even have time to process what was about to happen it just happened there and then, he was so desprate to go, he said to the doctor please sooner rather than later. He was injected with morphine or ketamine and they removed his oxygen hood. I had to sit with him and just watch the life drain out of him and struggle for every last breath he took. I cannot get the image out my head and I don't think I ever will. I couldn't watch an animal suffer like that never mind my dad. Within days of my dad dying I've had to put up with his 6 day old wife telling me how she gets everything as he didn't have a will he told her what he was leaving me but she's not carrying out his wishes. The house was my mum and dad's but my mum died when I was 8 so my dad will of become the sole owner but I just haven't got the strength to fight for anything and she can keep it all.
Get a lawyer TODAY, and go after that wife. He was not of sound mind when he married her, so I find it highly unlikely she'd get anything, let alone everything -- at least not here in the U.S. she wouldn't.
Get mad, and it'll actually help with the grief. You should be mad your dad was cheated out of his life by fate, so channel it into something constructive. Go after the wife.
An hour or less with an estate attorney would probably put your mind at rest.
A 6-day old death bed marriage? This woman has got to know how fishy this will sound to ANY judge, should it get that far.
Our estate it written up so that even if DH or I should remarry, the money we now hold jointly will still go to our kids. If I lose DH and should remarry, I will make sure that any new will keeps that dynamic in place.
I hope you can find some comfort right now--this too shall pass, but you have a little row to hoe in the meantime.
(Off the subject--but not entirely. My MIL divorced my FIL 16 years before he died. She knew he had CLL, which left him with a long and protracted death. She PROMISED she would 'help' SIL and me take care of him when he got bad. We didn't really believe her and I am glad we didn't b/c she did not even acknowledge his death, much less lift a finger to help us with his care. Yet she was quick to hear about his will and what she felt her should have left her. Not one dime. And she was furious b/c people did not refer to her as a widow. The tiny amount of respect I had for her disappeared and never returned. Her grasping attitude made me sick. She didn't attend his funeral and didn't even acknowledge the death of her kids' father. Yep, she went to court to get what she could and got thrown out on her ear.)
Your father did the deathbed marriage for a reason I cannot fathom, and apparent did it without speaking to you. He may have trusted the one he loved to make a fair division of assets, and she has let him down apparently. He may have been trying to make right things with a woman he was with for some time, without legitimizing the relationship.
Do understand that dying intestate (without a will) puts the estate in the hands of the court and an executor must be appointed. That may legally be the "widow". But you may contest that. And dying intestate, in any case in some states means assets are divided between widow and children.
YOU NEED A GOOD ATTORNEY AND AT ONCE.
Do know that you have access to an attorney and that if your father had any dementia in his record of last hospitalizations due to oxygen deprivation you may have a case in court. However, your father neglected to protect you with a will, and for myself I would move on.
As to having to experience the death, those who are not in the medical field at all do not understand the bodily response to the slow deprivation of oxygen as the body begins to shut down. Your father was well medicated and it is very unlikely he had any awareness of what was happening to him; for you, the memories, your last ones of him are painful on many levels. Add to that the burden of some anger you feel, and I can only say that time is a great healer.
And only time. We each grieve in our own way. Allow yourself to feel whatever you must feel, and to live with things while the days pass. Try to concentrate on the good memories. Any lives long-lived are full with both good and bad. Make the choice to try for the bad, allow in the good. Seek grieving groups so you can get the support you need of people who are dealing with similar issues.
My best out to you and again, I am so sorry for this loss.
I am so very sorry for the loss of your dad. It is never easy but, when it is so sudden and unexpected it is very jarring and traumatic.
May The Lord give you grieving mercies, strength, courage and wisdom to deal with this new season in your life and the battle it has brought.
Please, do pursue Probate. Without a Will your Dad died intestate. As his daughter, if this woman hasn't already,you can become Administrator of his estate. You will perform the duties of an Executor but in the end, the State determines who gets what. You maybe able to force the sale of his house to get your share.
Pension, unless your Dad named a survivor at the time he retired, she gets nothing. The way pensions work you name a survivor, and because you do, you get less pension so the survivor can collect a % of ur pension. A survivor does not get the full pension. And I doubt a 6 day old wife will be able to change that. She also cannot get his SS. You have to be married 10 years for that. I don't think she can get Medicare based on his earnings either. So hopefully she has worked. This woman is in for a big surprise. I know Dads death is raw, but you need to pursue what rightfully is yours. I would talk to a lawyer and even pay to let him do the work.
"They found early stages of lung cancer the consultant and his team said he was fit enough for a lobectomy." Seems Dad was not "fit" and they missed something. I would think that both lungs were xrayed to see if cancer was in both lungs. How did they miss COPD. They should have been looking for all lung damage to make sure Dad could live without a partial lung. I would at least see if you have a case to sue.
This woman really can't do anything without proof. She cannot change a deed without showing she is entitled to the house. That means producing a Will or going to Probate. She can't sell it without a clear title. By being an Administrator you can stop her from selling anything of you Dads. I would wonder if she coerced ur Dad into this marriage at his weakest point. Something u can ask a lawyer too.
She is legally his widow and that qualifies her.
#1- If because of advance age, the patient has a short life expectancy, is better to decline cancer treatment. Cancer treatment in an old person might kill him before the cancer does. If by a miracle he survives, he will die from something else within a short time. Patients undergoing cancer treatment have a miserable life. Many times, after "completing" chemotherapy, the cancer returns.
#2- Many old people have no up to date Last Will and Testament. They procrastinate doing it, because of denial of a possible unexpected death.
For bad memories assiciated with dads death. Every time those images or thoughts come up include a happy and good memory of dad too. I found journaling and talking to lived one through said Journal about good memories and times helps you remember him and also talking to him about your feelings regarding his end of life too. If that makes sense. I did this when a loved one died and the grief was just too much to bear some days and it really does help.
If there is no will his estate will go to probate and no the 6 day wife will not get everything. It doesnt work that way. She may get a percentage that will be for the courts to decide but she won't get everything.
I know you are grieving and traumatized because of what happened to your dad but don't give everything to this woman. You will regret it later.
It also sounds like you should consult a lawyer about what happened to your dad with the medical mistakes made by the hospital that caused his death and even the death bed marriage as even being legally binding.