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how do you handle a dementia Alzheimer’s patient who thinks they’re being followed or that someone wants to kill them so they won’t leave the facility to go visit family or anything how do you talk to them to let them know that their fear is not reality? Or do you just leave them be if they’re content?

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You can’t reason with them . They have a broken brain . They will not understand that “ their fear is not reality “.
Let them stay at the facility where they are comfortable . It’s very common for them to eventually be uncomfortable leaving . Visits will have to be at the facility . They often have a family dining room for this reason that can be reserved if for example family wanted to bring a meal , birthday cake etc .
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Reply to waytomisery
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How, exactly, is this person "content" thinking they're being followed or that someone wants to kill them? Speak to their doctor about calming meds to help this poor person, and don't worry about taking them out or talking to them about your reality vs. theirs. Pick up a copy of the book Understanding the Dementia Experience by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller on Amazon so you can learn about dementia and how to deal with this person properly.

Good luck to you.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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waytomisery Jul 22, 2024
I took it as they were content and not having those fears so long as they weren’t asked to go out or taken out of the building . Some believe they are safe so long as they don’t leave .

I agree if they have these fears all the time to get them calm with meds .
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After going through 100 hoops to get a demented Elder placed in a facility, which they actually adjust to and feel content and safe....
Why on earth would you want to drag them out somewhere for a family visit???
Let the family come visit THEM.
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waytomisery Jul 22, 2024
This ! What Dawn says .

Unfortunately some families are programmed to try to keep them doing “ normal things “ when they aren’t normal anymore .

It’s part of the mindset of our society to fight aging , and keep doing .

My sister in law brought her mother ( who had Alzheimer's) and did not recognize anyone to my mother’s wake . The poor woman looked like a deer in headlights. The woman kept asking to go back home ( to her assisted living ). My sister in law kept telling her who people were . The woman just wanted out of the funeral home .
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You cannot reason with a person who suffers from Dementia. Like any paranoia, the person believes it. If the person does not want to leave the AL then don't make them. They will not enjoy the visit anyway. Family comes to them.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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First you talk to their doctor about getting them on some medication for their paranoia which is very real sadly to them and until and when that gets under control, I would just let them be since they seem content.
And for God's sake DO NOT try and reason with someone whose brain is broken.
You'll end up being the one going crazy.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Fear, anxiety can be helped with medications but there are drawbacks.
Now I have to ask WHY would you want to take them out of their home, the Memory Care facility is now their home, and bring them anywhere?
They probably didn't want to go into the facility to begin with, they adjusted and are now so comfortable that this is their "safe place".
To take them back to what might have been their home or to anyone's home is upsetting. Not to mention it will be noisy, confusing, different people.
If you want a gathering do it at the facility. Most have a room reserved for gatherings. And I would make it a small group or encourage people to visit and leave. If you want to get together with family do so but leave you LO where they are comfortable and safe.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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This requires a medical consult. They may be medications to help. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Meanwhile, don't argue, keep the elder in an environment where he/she feels safe as much as possible. Contentment, yes, is your goal. A feeling of safety should be provided to the best of your ability. However, there will be times when a medical appt or some other issue requires transport from a place of safety. Provide comfort to the best of your ability, and do consider anti-anxiety medications when needed. Best of luck.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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You leave them be if they are content. There's no reasoning with dementia. There's no concepts of reality or logical thinking with these people. Sense has left the building.

If a person with dementia is paranoid and flipping out in terror all the time, they need to be medicated. Anti-anxiety meds even anti-depressants can help with that.

Yes, you talk to them. If they are going on about people following them and trying to kill them you tell once or twice that it's not true then let that be the end of it. Do not validate their delusional nonsense or give it any attention whatsoever. The same thing when someone is in a dementia loop and repeating continually. You don't keep answering the same question and explaining the same thing hundreds of times. You answer or explain once or twice, then do not participate in any more discussion on that topic.

Try to redirect them onto another topic or activity. If that doesn't work end the visit.
Don't worry about them refusing to leave the facility. Clearly they feel safe in the facility and that's good. Don't take them out then. They will not enjoy going out. With dementia any disruption in the daily routine can cause setbacks in whatever level of independence they still have and it will cause increase in the delusions, anxiety, and agitatation. This will only make the job of whoever has to take care of them harder than they already are. Don't take them out.

Family who wants to visit them can come to the facility or visit through videocall. That's the best way.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Dawn88 Jul 22, 2024
Spot on as usual. Make it easy and fun with free ZOOM software.
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Unless a medication works to calm my mother, she will spend all her final time in her room at the care home. She is content there, and panics if we take her out. Last time we took her around her quiet, pretty neighbourhood, she was certain snipers were after her.

A family friend developed the same mindset.

No more outings. You have to go to them.
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Reply to Anabanana
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I think your loved one might just feel safe in those for walls she is living in.

Sounds a little like agoraphobia, issues like hoarding and what not can intensify with dementia, so I imagine other issues can too.

Weather or not you want to medicate them, to get them out is up to you, as for knowing what is best for them.

If it was me and they felt safe and happy where they are, I'd leave well enough alone.

You are so lucky not to have them complaining and crying that they want to go home at every visit
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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waytomisery Jul 22, 2024
“ You are so lucky not to have them complaining and crying that they want to go home at every visit “ .

This says it all .
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