My dad had a severely debilitating stroke over 3 years ago that left him paralyzed on one side of his body. He literally went over night from being an extremely active 86 year old to needing 24 hour care. Over the past several months he has gotten weaker and dementia has set in. My sisters and I live in different states then he does, but come to see him on a monthly basis and have been called by his aides to come down immediately a few times in the past few months, thinking the end was near- but he always bounces back. He now has had black stools for the last couple of weeks, but we not want any invasive testing done on him or have him put in the hospital due to Covid. I am his medical POA, so ultimately it is my decision? My sister and step mother (who we do not have a great relationship with) want to call in hospice because his quality of life is zero. I understand what they are saying but personally have a difficult time “playing God” with my dad’s life- especially since he has never told us that he is ready to die. Has anyone been in this situation?
recently. Same issues with family,distance,POA.
When my dad who had been in the hospital for more than 2 weeks due to flu,Pneumonia, renal failure and we knew he no longer have any kind of life quality I spoke to the family and we agreed he would not want to be in this state. I called hospice and they came and did an evaluation
and spoke to me at length. They were wonderful. They assured me that they would make sure all of his needs were met, he would be comfortable and that when he was in pain they would receive it.
He wanted to be home so I took time off from my job and let hospice know that o wanted to take him home and I would be there.
They made all of the arrangements for him to come home-bed, supplies,
nurse to check on him daily,
some one to come and bathe him and tend to his grooming needs.
It was hard and I knew in my mind that it was best for him. My dad was an active 88 year old man.
but his health was failing,and if I know anything about my dad it was that he would have hated being confined to a bed or having to have dialysis.
He was home for 5 days before he passed, but I will tell you that up until the 4th day we were never closer it was quality time for both of us. He was getting weaker and more and more uncomfortable I told him how much we all loved him
and if he wanted to be at peace it was ok. On that 6th day he was gone. It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make
but I know it was the right one.
and I know my dad agreed.
i hope this helps a little
hospice is a wonderful organization
they still keep in touch and they did a wonderful job helping to take care of my dads wants and needs.
some people have hospice for a long time as was the case with my sister
(one year)
My point is they are a great resource
I will keep you and your family in my prayers
Signing up for Hospice has nothing to do with "playing God". I suggest you contact a local chapter and find out just what services are available. I suspect they can give you a great deal of peace of mind concerning your loved one, especially since you cannot be near.
Black stool is indicative of some very serious conditions. Why have you opted to wait on testing or going to the hospital? Yes, covid is a big risk but internal bleeding is more serious. In my opinion, not testing is taking an action very much in keeping with hospice: no attempt to cure, great effort to keep comfortable. It is not my place to say what you should do. Believe me I am not saying you should take him in for extensive testing. Would knowing what's going on make his life better? At his age and condition would major surgery really be an option? This sounds like a Hospice patient to me.
BEST of luck to you, whatever you decide.
Hospice is actually not your decision. It is a doctor and hospice decision. Not everyone is accepted. There are qualifiers. Take it easy on yourself and get him evaluated.
they will come in and help care for him. They will keep you and the rest of the family informed as to how he is doing. Some Hospice also have a method of communicating via an APP (the Hospice I used had TapCloud)
Hospice will not "play God" They will keep him comfortable. They will actually provide more care, a Nurse will come see him at least 1 time a week, a CNA will come at least 2 times a week and they will order supplies and equipment that will make caring for your dad easier.
Hospice does not, let me repeat that Hospice does NOT hasten death.
Why not try this....Contact Hospice let them care for your dad for a period of time, let's say 1 month. If you are not pleased with the care that he gets you can discontinue Hospice and your dad can return to using the same medical services that he has been using.
Your sister and StepMom are there. They care for him on a daily basis. I would allow Hospice to come evaluate. He will get comfort care and an aide. Stepmom will have some support. But "in home" Hospice is not there 24/7 so SM will still be responsible for most of the care. Think of your SM. Daily caring for someone is very stressful.