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My husband is in a Memory Care assisted living facility and he continues to fall daily. He denies falling yet he has tons of Band-Aids, all over him that he placed himself, and he will not tell the caregivers when he falls. He tells me just knocks into the wall, but he is on blood thinner and then that creates blood everywhere but he doesn’t know until he wakes up the next morning and there’s blood all over the bed. The only way I find out is when the caregivers see the bandages and call me or when I go to visit him and I ask him what happened. It takes him a good amount of time to finally tell me everything that happened…either he’s forgotten or he’s definitely trying to cover it up. He gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. There are motion nightlights in the room but by the time he gets to the point where it probably recognizes motion he’s already either fallen into the wall or fallen down. I purchased new on at dusk off at dawn night lites. I have discussed with the administrator about a bed alarm in his room. I finally got him to tell me about one time when he had to crawl to bed because he couldn’t get off the toilet and I said..you must’ve fallen and he said no I didn’t fall. I said well how did you get on the floor? He says I think I hit my head on the sink. Needless to say I took him to the ER for a CAT scan because he has had multiple brain aneurysms and blood clots. He had been wetting the bed so I bought him these men pee pads to wear at night so he won’t have to get up, but of course he won’t use. The caregivers had no record of him falling because he doesn’t tell anybody so I told his next option other than the bed alarm will be moving him to the next level will they will be closely monitoring him. By the way, he won’t use a walker or a cane… those are for old people he says. I’m afraid one of these days a fall is gonna kill him. The administrator told me that it’s just normal decline and trying to cover up things denying falling, but I wanna make sure I can keep them safe..

You can’t keep a stubborn old person with dementia safe. You can only wear yourself out trying.

He’s going to keep falling because his brain doesn’t understand that he should use a walker or cane. He will never understand. Once he’s bedbound he might be safer from falls, but then you have to worry about bedsores and his crawling out of the bed.

He has a terrible disease, and it will win one way or the other. My mom had dementia, and we went to extraordinary lengths to prevent falls and injuries. So she lived for more than 5 years after diagnosis. After I saw what dying of dementia is like, the horrible inability to speak, the contracture of muscles so that she was in a fetal position, her teeth turning brown and (when she could still talk) her begging to die, I wished she’d fallen and died of the fall when she could still walk and fall. Just sayin’….
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Reply to Fawnby
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MomsBrain Jul 16, 2024
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. We just put my 90YO mom with dementia on hospice though she is physically pretty healthy, just to reduce (hopefully eliminate) hospital visits after falls. I'm thinking as I read what you went thru that a bad fall now might help my mom pass before she goes thru the worst parts of dementia. I'm still figuring out how to get comfortable with this and explain it to friends and family (when I have to). She is happy and relaxed now but can't walk without help, which she constantly forgets, of course. She is fortunate to have savings from selling her condo which is paying for a wonderful group home - for a couple more years.
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My mother fell 95 times while living in AL and then Memory Care Assisted Living. It cannot be prevented no matter what precautions are taken, it's literally impossible. Combine stubbornness with the forgetfulness of dementia, and you've got a real mess on your hands. Mom was in a wheelchair during her stay in Memory Care Assisted Living, and forgetting she couldn't walk, so she'd try to get up and fall out of the wheelchair. Out of bed, off the toilet, out of her recliner. She too was on blood thinners until they caused SUCH horrible nosebleeds, I took her off of them for good.

She lived to 95 in spite of it all.

Best of luck to you.
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My 94-YO mom w/dementia has been slowly deteriorating. In fact I got a call tonight that she fell off the toilet while trying to stand up (she's confined to a wheelchair). There have been times over the past two years that I was positive she wouldn't make it through the night. At the moment she lives with my dad (also 94) in assisted living. It's time to move her to memory care, which I told my dad recently. He's not happy but she will still be in the same facility. I believe it's in the best interest of both of them. She exhausts him AND me. If you believe your husband needs the next level of care, then request it. Don't feel guilty or second guess yourself. Listen to your gut. Blessings to you both.
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Reply to DeniseV
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My daddy could not remember falling. He fell one time when moving the trash cans. (which I told him to leave until I got home). But when older people want to do something they will do it no matter what. Yes we want to keep them safe and we hate to see them decline. When I had to finally put my daddy in a facility I asked the director to give him a job of some kind - he finally got a job setting up for the game time. It gave him something to look forward to doing and because of his age it tired him out for a good night sleep. Some jobs could be watering plants, assisting another resident, setting tables, adjusting the magazines, working in the "library" - getting a magazine or book for someone. My daddy had tremors but when he colored (adult coloring books) he did a great job! Having adults color a page then hang it up for a day would boost their confidence. Anyway, Not easy as another poster wrote - do not feel guilty for asking for help - I did because ALZ was a new chapter I had to read and learn about - Blessing and prayers as you deal with this!
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jemfleming Jul 18, 2024
Great answer! Everyone, but especially very senior folks, need to still feel like they have a purpose. Giving him a job (that he is willing and able to do) is a way to provide that feeling of self worth and purpose. It is difficult to come up with things they can do, but you had some good ideas.
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I am glad I am reading all this useful information... Harry my spouse will be 100 yr old October 2024. He has been wearing diapers for a year and has gotten used to the diapers. He has advanced Alzheimers. He can walk with assistance and go to the toilet to poo and he asks the Caregiver or me to take him to bathroom at least three times daily. He wears a "heavy duty" diaper at night for pee and a lighter combination for day.
Hopefully he will not fall because he is at home and someone is always monitoring.
It maybe too much to expect individual care from a facility. Maybe can use diapers to help prevent having to get up and fall down. This is just what is happening in my situation.
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My mom is 89 and in AL Memory Care. This is private pay and now she will have to go to NH with a roommate on Medicaid. Her Vascular Dementia after 10 yrs is pretty bad now. She has fallen recently and does not know how it happened. Can't be in AL now as that is not enough care. Your loved one will continue to fall and will not remember or keep it from you. Please read about Dementia and this site has helped me so much. God Bless!
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Reply to PeggyD
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If he is in memory care already, I do not know what the next level of care in a facility would be - other than hiring your own caregivers 24/7 to watch / be with him, in addition to the staff.

Since he is in memory care unit already, he won't remember or likely even know how / when he falls, etc. ... that you 'ask him' tells me that you do not understand how his brain functions and how he has lost / continues to lose brain cells.

He doesn't have the cognitive capacity (brain cells) to know / remember.

I suggest that you google / read Teepa Snow's books or webinars, or watch her You Tubes. Many of your questions would be answered as you learn about how the brain works when a person has dementia. From my experience, I believe when in memory care unit, it is considered 'advanced' dementia.

Discuss with his MD, the facility.

(Most) Facilities / departments do not offer 1-on-1 personal 24/7 care - or if they do, it would likely be 3-4 times higher than the usual fee. From my experience, if more care is needed, the responsibility is on the family to hire caregivers directly.

Gena / Touch Matters
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Reply to TouchMatters
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The facility should evaluate your husband and make that determination and decision.
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Reply to Onlychild2024
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Mlewis1156: He's already at a memory care facility. In all likelihood, falls cannot be prevented especially since he's refusing mobility assists.
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Reply to Llamalover47
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Unfortunately , falls are a common reason that eventually cause the death of elderly .
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