I was dad's caregiver, a veteran - part-time for about 7 years until he passed.
It was hard but he was a smart guy and we had great discussions. However, he was older than most other of my friends parents and so most of my friends had at least 1 parent still living. My friends don't seem to be able to relate to what I went through. I tried various activities before and during grief to cope but so far nothing much has worked. The void is made all the much harder because of this. I've tried to reach out and make new friends or reconnect with old ones and nothing now is the same. The social isolation that began during caregiving has now dragged on and I'm saying to myself, "Is this all there is?" How can I reduce or eliminate this isolation?
I have three female friends I went to school with (we are all 55), whose mother's have or died of Alzheimer's disease. Neither of my parents have dementia. I cannot feel their feelings, or know how hard it is/was for them to watch their mothers slowly slip away. But we have 50 years of history, lots of great memories and are more than our care giving experience.
I have my own challenges with my parents. My friends will lend a ear, but I do not expect more than that from them.
When my marriage ended, unexpectedly for me, I went through Hell. My ex said terrible, untrue things about me, my social circle crumbled in front of my eyes. I was scared, lonely, and really sad. I had a mental breakdown from the stress and went on medical leave from work, so I did not even have the normalcy of going to work each day. I joined a quilting group in a city an hour from home. No one at the group new me, knew my marriage had just broken down, etc. I was just a new member of the guild.
I made new friends at the guild. None of them knew my ex, or the story of my marriage ending. I was not judged for what my ex did, I was just me.
I also reached out to those three women I mentioned at the beginning of this post. Sure I felt awkward. Although I knew them from my childhood we had drifted away, 2 had moved and one had shut herself off from others. One I walk with 2-3 times a month. We go for a 4-6 km walk and talk about everything and nothing.
Last month I had a dream about another woman I have known all my life, but again we drifted apart. I got in touch and we had the most delightful coffee date. I was scared of being rejected, of her not wanting to meet, but she was happy and so was I. We both have children who are now adults but very challenging with mental health issues. We were able to talk about how hard it is and know we will not be judged by the other.
Now Covid has made everything harder. Not just the restrictions, but also how it has polarized peoples' belief systems. It is hard to navigate relationships when some are anti vax, anti mask, and others are more careful in the precautions they are taking. Yet, they are still people we love and care about.
Freezone, take time to grieve, just a support group or seek therapy. But also spread your wings, think about what you want to do. Reach for the stars.
You are a true success. :-)
I also started attending a new church after my husband died and have met so many wonderful people there as well. I am a people person(have worked in retail sales all my adult life)so meeting people is perhaps a little easier for me, but I would suggest getting involved in a local church, volunteer someplace that touches your heart,(perhaps even the VA, as I'm sure you could be helpful to a lot of people there)and if you're working, reach out to your co-workers to invite them for lunch. In time you will get your groove back, so don't let this temporary set back stop you from getting out there and enjoying your life again.
Here's to hoping you find your joy again. God bless you.
You also mentioned you tried various activities. I don't want to suggest what you already tried, so can you tell me what you have tried?
In my case, I go to church and try to connect with people through Bible study groups. Find your passion or investigate various hobbies. Look online for meet-ups in your area or online.
Go to Church and speak with a Pastor.
Don't give up on your friends, keep contacting them to at least have people to go out to lunch with.
It takes different times for different people who have lost a loved one.
Try donating some time to Volunteer work.
Prayers