My mom asks to go home each afternoon, lately when I say tomorrow her response is I’ll go now and you can come tomorrow... after saying we had an agreement and that we’re scheduled for tomorrow quite a few times she’ll back down for a few minutes then persistently ask again and again. Some days it works other times she heads for the door or ask other ppl in the house to let her out. Since we have an AD lock installed she’ll or they usually get upset at everyone when we refuse....
I might also mentioned that I’m the caregiver for both my mom and mother in-law who has the same diagnosis and sometimes they are at it simultaneously... I do have a caregiver helping during the day but from 4 pm daily and on weekends I’m oftentimes on my own.
Follow that up with something enticing...let's have ice cream.
I read one husband who said he would take his wife for a short drive and when they got back home, she was happier. My mom liked to take a drive as well.
I have my mom and mother in law too but my mother in law is of sound mind. You do deserve diamonds in your tiara ;-)
And, I might explore additional help during these times, if funds are available. If someone else could come in and read, play music or distract them with some sort of activity or treats, it might be worth a try.
When the Dr. says you can
Want to go for a spin in the wheelchair? Or a walk?
Redirect, distract, change the subject. I know this seems to go on forever some days. You don't deserve a star in your crown.....you deserve a flipping row of diamonds for taking care of two of them! Bless you!
Definitely talk to your mom and MIL's doctors about this as a symptom. Agitation sure must be unpleasant for them, and they deserve relief if it can be gotten from some medication.
It took me a while to realize that my own Mom [98] was referring to her childhood home instead of the house that my parents had shared. Once Mom asked to visit her sisters and her parents, then I knew.
My you have your hands full, even with the help of a caregiver during the day, having both Mom's in your home. My Mom was in a skilled nursing facility as she needed a higher level of care. My Mom thought she was staying at a motel :)
As for the therapeutic fibs, I used as many as I could to appease Mom about going home. I was lucky, she accepted each and every one, mainly because a few minutes later she forgot about going home.
As for Mom trying to get out the exterior doors. I read somewhere that placing a black throw rug in front of the door might help. To someone with dementia, the black rug looks like a hole in the floor so they won't step there.