My brother in law is at the end of his rope. Father in law is stubborn. My BIL works bar tender hours and has a teenage daughter with visitation rights. My FIL is no longer capable of looking after himself, but doesn't believe he needs or maybe more likely doesn't want to pay, to go into a care facility. FIL has severe mobility issues and is stage 4 prostrate cancer, so he needs to wear a diaper.
The situation for my BIL is highly stressful. He's coming home after long hours to find poop everywhere. To make matters worse, they live in NH we are in TX.
My BIL is at breaking point. Any advice is helpful.I think my husband and I should get Power of Attorney over FIL and move him to TX were there are more people to share the burden.
Bone is the most common site but it spreads through the lymphatic system so can pop up anywhere.
[Veronica, do you get brain metastases with prostate cancer? I know you can from breast, not sure about that further possibility in FIL here's case]
However prostate cancer typically spreads to the bones so it won't be long before you are dealing with fractures that will need hospitalization. When that happens if he won't agree to some form of extended care BIL can simply refuse to take FIL home. Dementia is not usually a feature of end stage prostate cancer unless it was pre existing so it will be difficult to have him declared incompetent.
I think the best thing to help would be to make a physical visit if possible so you can make a personal assessment.
Hubby and I are about to climb on a plane for a business trip for a week and I dread to think what we will get home to.
I know this is all far beyond what my BIL can cope with as a single guy and I can see (hear it in his voice) how draining all this is on him. I'm willing to step up and be the total B in this situation to stop the whole family trying to be nice to FIL.
Do you know what his life expectancy is? Stage IV is an advanced state of cancer.
It might be that hospice might be a better place for FIL. I wouldn't suggest this lightly, but it sounds as if he does need a high level of care, and if his cancer can't be controlled....well, there's not going to be any improvement; it'll only get worse, not only for him but for his family.