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My mom is hospitalized from a fall last week. She has two compression fractures of her spine. She’s not eating. She has a pacemaker and she’s also a DNR. She’s basically surviving on water and pain medication.
Up until last week I was her main caregiver. But in the condition that she’s in, I’m not able to care for her by myself so it’s looking like a skilled nursing care facility for her. I’m not sure how this is handled if she refuses to eat and she’s a DNR. She’s 97 years old. She suffers from dementia. And she started seeing people that have since passed and when I visit sometime she recognizes me sometimes she doesn’t. Any advice is appreciated.

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I would request Hospice. If it has not already been suggested.
Skilled Nursing would be the proper place for her but if Hospice has a place that has an In Patient Unit they may place her there. They might do that for Pain, Symptom management.
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Years ago during the IRA ‘troubles’, a few IRA prisoners went on a hunger strike. Each lasted about 60 days, but they were younger fitter men. Dehydration is much much quicker, but that depends on the circumstances too (eg temperature).
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Once my mother stopped receiving any food at all, she lived for three full weeks. The medical staff caring for her encouraged us to keep her minimally hydrated until the end, as they explained that dehydration is a painful way to die. This was the same advice later with my dad. Water and pain meds are exactly what your mom needs at this point. I’m sorry this is happening and I wish you both peace
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I would get a hospice eval ASAP.
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No food may be a few weeks. Ensure might extend a little if she still drinks. No water means a few days. Have you contacted Hospice to help you with these questions. A skilled hospice caregiver might be able to tell you the signs. You can also ask about in house or a facility. With the fractures a facility might be best to give her meds when needed.

You are not alone. My mom was eating less for months and once she had her spinal fracture, the only thing she ate was canned fruit coctail. Mom lasted about 2 weeks on Hospice and she did not require morphine. Only non opiate meds and a little ativan
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My mother lived on Ensure for eight months.

If they can get some of that into her, that'd be some calories at least, but she might also be winding down.
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Everyone's dying process is different, but my late husband went 41 days with no food(and he wasn't a big man)and about 25 days with no drink though he was getting fluids from his fentanyl pain pump daily, which I believe prolonged his death.
The hospice agency we used said that he broke their record of surviving the longest without ANY food. Apparently the previous record was 3 weeks. They were shocked that my husband lasted that long as was I, and it was horrific to watch him just wither away right before my very eyes.
I hope and pray that your mom won't hang on that long and that her passing will be sooner than later and pain free.
If you haven't already, please bring hospice on board ASAP.
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The guess, and it will be a guess, is always based on general condition and health. However, often the answer is much longer than you might imagine even with minimal sips of water. Ofter a month and more.
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CaringinVA Aug 2023
Good to see you, Alva! As always, your words are insightful.
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Less eating is a common end of life sign, as is seeing dead people, plus she’s 97.

I’d see about hospice first before the home.
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<(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
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30-40 days… in other words, a lot longer than you would think
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david1950 Aug 2023
And usually one will get hungry and eat at some point. So it can go on for a long time.
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(((HUG)))

It’s too bad she fell. Poor her. Poor you, it’s very stressful.

As Old said, one can live a long time without food.

Delirium is common in hospital. I hope it’ll go away soon. Sometimes after a few weeks, the mind returns to its normal level (the level before hospital).

You’ve done an amazing job keeping her healthy and happy. 97!!!
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Depending on how much body fat they have, they can live quite a long time. It's not drinking water that causes you to pass away quickly.
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