My sister and I signed over power of attorney to my brother. We wee under the impression that my sister who my Mom jointly appointed power of attorney
to would share power of attorney with my brother. Instead the document stated that he and my sister inlaw ( his wife would share guardianship and conservator ship for my Mom. They also deemed her incompetent stating that her very mild dementia had deemed her incompetent. After we signed this over to them....they sold the car, dissolved her will, sold her assets, and her house.
After all was sold my Mom was placed in assisted living home and they went on a very long cruise. After they returned they started limiting her visits. They first started saying that all guest must leave by 4 and that she could have her phone or receive any calls. Then after my husband and our children stayed a little longer which was OK with the staff....I was told that my sister in law called and told them if they had any trouble getting rid of us to call her. Well they didn't have to....she barged in the room and pitched a holy fit in front of my mom and kids. After this any one who called had to receive a code from my brother or sister in law. Also any visitors had to be report ed to my brother and sister in law by the staff. This was all on document 1 the reason for this is because my sister and I upset her. Very untrue their behavior upsets her and she has never been good at saying goodbye. At our planned visit my mom had been taken to my brothers home to keep my family and my sister from visiting. In all this we tried to contact bro and sister in law. Wouldn't answer. Had to call my estranged sister to my Mom of 20 years. She contacted my brother after my husband became very frank with her that we would be there to visit at 1:30 and would like for her to be there. My brother who ran late getting there also was there and verbally and almost physically attack my husband and I in front of my children. We tried to visit with my mom the whole time dealing with my brothers harassment. They have now she a document stating that my sister, her daughter and I have 2 hour each Saturday that we can visit. They or a CNA have to be present in this visit. My Mom has been asking since they first started selling her things what Is going
on. My brother, sister in law, and estranged sister has discussed or told her any thing about the sale or any decisions concerning her care. She is still capable of understanding some thing with some help. They have been rude to visits from her friends and got upset blaming my sister and I because people in my mom's home town are asking why they have to have a code.
They have made a list of what we can or cannot say during ourour hour visit, 1 day per week. This is such cruelty to my Mom. They don't care what she want and are getting court orders to make my mom and all family do what they want her to do. During our last visit my brother would not allow my mom to stay in her room and visit with us and eat a sandwich that my sister brought her. He made her get up and go down to the dining room to " stay in her routine. The nurses tried to explain that it was find for her to stay in her room and eat while visiting family. He called my Sister in law and she controllably said that she would do as she was told. Since that I have been told by staff that if I am on the premises of the home beyond my one hour that the police will be called. These letters that I have seen have been typed with their signatures and the list of names that court orders have been sent to. The last letter was sent after consultation with the home, TARCOG, and supposedly my mom's attorney. I am at awe that adult people who claim to be Christians would behave in such a way. It is breaking the hearts of all involved. Any suggestions? I am at my wits end. I had to file a report on my brother for almost hitting me. Though there were 4 staff present: they chose to allow my brother to continue visits and we retrict our family and my sisters. I am fearful of my brothers temper. He has had to go to anger management due to problems throughout his life. Every thing they disagree with they will find a way to punish us. They hate my family because my Mom chose to help us out when I was sick and having a struggle. He once told my mom that he wanted the money back from items that he gave her as gifts when her estate sold. The inventory for the use of estate money due but not received a few days back. I have lupus and three kids. Also my husband is a minister. They say we haven't been as around and don't care. I called my Mom every few days when she could receive calls. I miss her so much and have been sick and unable to travel financially and because of a broken car. I am truly loosing it. It is so unfair to my family and my children.
If you think your brother is abusing his power of attorney or guardianship, you can call you local elder affairs agency and speak with them about it. They may be able to help you sort through what is going on.
The relief of this situation would to be to file a petition with the court that found the mother incompetent, either to gain guardianship of the mother herself (I doubt the poster wants that responsibility) or to show cause for the restricted visits. She needs to consult an eldercare attorney.