Mom entered a good nursing home. She was wandering and trying to escape so luckily they got her into the secure Alzheimer's wing, with only 16 beds. One woman was actually bumped out since my mom was trying to get on the elevator. My sister and I were visiting trying to get her settled in. They asked us not to come visit for one week, she was getting combative, etc wanting to leave. I didn't go, then they asked us to just call the next week, she was being very restless and trying to escape. After two weeks, I went in, she was happy to see me and my sister. It's been one month. I take her out to the garden, and we visit in her private room. Here is my question: My sister visits about 4 times a week and wants to take her out into the community every time. She took her to garage sales, took a 45 minute phone call from her son, pulled over to the curb. She takes her to Trader Joe's, Kohl's, coffee shops, etc. She never stays in the facility, which is quite nice! Today she is going to visit and take her out again. We are arguing, I believe it's too much. Mom is 81, she still walks but off balance. She can use the toilet, but it takes 20 mins. She told me she is medical power of attorney and can do whatever she wants! She told me to get on medication and that I need medical help. We are not getting along. I am not the expert on this subject, but before the nursing home, she did the same thing. I lived with mom for 16 years and was her main caregiver, but she would drag mom all over town while she shopped. I want to take mom out maybe once every week or two weeks, maybe to get an ice cream cone or quick meal at a coffee shop. This is also during her first month.She said she is going to ask a nurse today for their advice, just randomly on the spot. They may tell her what she wants to hear, or be afraid of her. I appreciate any comments!
I also got to thinking that if you mom's mobility is declining, it may be that she will eventually be very limited in her ability to trace around town with your sister. She may have to hire a van that will accommodate a wheelchair or confine her visits to the facility.
My mom is nearly 93 and has been in a memory care facility for 5 months - up until recently I had been taking her out for whatever Doctor appointments she has and to dinner and sometimes a movie once a week - she can use a walker but we always use her transport wheelchair
Her behavior outside the facility is acceptable for the most part but returning her to the facility is becoming more of a challenge - one night she nearly escaped on me even in her chair and it took all my strength to drag her kicking and screaming backwards into the gated facility - unfortunately elder siblings and grandkids won't visit her so unless I take her out she won't see them even on Easter, Mother's Day and family birthdays - my mom is not like the other 80 yr old residents who have Alzheimer's - she has had numerous bad falls and is feisty and wasn't accepting of caregivers in the home - she can draw a map to her house and once eloped out the front gate of memory care intent on going home
So not knowing how your mother behaves both outside and returning , my only suggestion would be to get a transport wheelchair for outings and pack an xtra diaper and wipes - four outings a week does sound like too much though -
You have voiced your concerns to sister, perhaps voice your concerns to the social worker there and ask their opinion?
Has her doctor cautioned them about her walking without a walker or cane?
Is she a fall risk?
I would think that the facility would let sister know if the outings were a problem when she is returned to the facility. It doesn't sound like the kind of thing that I would choose to do with someone who has those issues, but, if her doctor and the facility, have no qualms about it, then I don't know what your remedy might be. Even if you disagree, I'm not sure that being at odds with your sister will help matters.
If you feel very strongly that sister is not using proper caution with watching her and caring for her while she is on the outings, then I might consult with an attorney and find out my rights to file for guardianship for her. If you succeed, then you would be able to make all the decisions without sisters consent. That's pretty extreme though and it could damage your relationship. Plus, you could lose and not be appointed. That might put you in a worse situation, especially if sister is appointed. Maybe, you'll get other suggestions here.