My husband and I are now living with my mom, caregiving 24/7 and are finding it intense and all consuming. 52 feels to young to be living the life of an 84 year old and we are on the verge of burnout.
What have you all found to keep your mind, body, and spirit active and fulfilled as you sit with your loved one?
With gratitude,
I read on your profile that your husband loves your mother as much as you do. Remember that feelings change. Remember that she is not his biological mother; now, she is his roommate. Most 50-something men are not looking to live the life of an 84 year old woman.
In my opinion, your marriage should be the first "other thing" you bring into your life. Marriage is a living thing. You must find a way to return to being a wife to your husband. What does your husband like to do with his time?
My mom is still able to do many things but her biggest issues are the sundowner, so I have her sweep the kitchen or her bedroom and fold clothes or dry the dishes. No, she doesn't always do the best job, but she feels she is helping and it gives you a few minutes to breath or go pee alone....or go outside and scream.
I have found trying to include her in some projects helps, of course if there are things that are breakable that isn't the project to include her on, but my mother can, at this point be distracted by doing some "helpful " thing.
You need to hire a Caregiver to help out a few hours a day to give you a break and at least once a week, have a date night and get out of the house together.
Id you can't afford a Caregiver to help out, You might ask other Family Members, Friends, Church Members to volunteer to watch your Loved One for a few hours every week to give yourself a break.
To not get Burn Out, you really need minimum one day and one night off weekly.
I’m getting more proficient, taking lessons, and staying faithful to my practice routine.
Before Covid I played in one band and did little outside-of-band extras. In January or as soon as it’s safe, I’ll be playing in two bands.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be band, it can be cooking, painting, photography......whatever involves you for part of EVERY SINGLE DAY doing something fabulous that you JUST LOVE.
You owe this to yourself, when you’re a caregiver. Find your “fix”, then DO IT.
When mom moved into our home many years ago it wasn’t so bad.
She could be left alone for awhile so we could leave the house for a change of scenery.
It gets tiresome looking at the same four walls. I needed to get out of the house to feel like I had a break.
Later on when she needed more and more care I felt like a prisoner.
So, if you can leave your mom for a bit I would say to get out of the house.
Depending on where you live determines how much you are restricted during Covid but do what you can, even if it’s just going out for coffee.
Sitting outside in your yard is nice too.
Going for a walk or a bicycle ride.
My husband and I cook together.
My caregiver days to mom are over but I spent 15 years caring for her in my home so I know how it can change one’s life.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Go for a walk, or sit out in front.
Read a book. You and hubby learn something together online, and so on.