My mother got Covid in Aug, she was sick with UTIs, I took off several months to help care for her. I have learned she is unappreciative, selfish, demanding , self centered, thinks everything revolves around her and that her 6 kids should be at her beck and call.
I actually came back home after caring for her 2.5 months and found myself holed up in my apt and did not go out for a month...possibly depressed, except I had to walk to walk my dog, which was my saving grace. Anyhow, went back recently, to realize nothing has changed, she is down right rude when speaking to my bro.
My younger sister is 60 and cancer surviver, with Valley fever. My mom will talk behind her back (she has POA that she's afraid my sister will die before her or won't divid money as my mom sees fit). I have told her then put in writing and notarize. There is 6 of us kids we all tell her spend your money now on what you want, we all are independent. She makes comments like oh no I know your brother will be the one to fight and what if she keeps money for self. And will say she want x amount of money to go to so and so and this amount to go to niece and she's so concerned with all these other people and they are always borrowing for her or into drugs
You will not change your Mother. It is up to you to protect yourself from your mother by staying out of her shooting range. As to your siblings, you can only inform them what YOU will do to protect yourself and let them make their own decisions.
If worrying about Mom's future division of assets is what the driver is in all of this then there will be some suffering expected with possible recompense in the future, but quite possibly with NONE. She likely is leaving this money to a cat shelter.
PS: After reading others responses to you I see there is dementia involved, so would also advise that you understand that with dementias it is often the disease talkiing, not the Mom.
Your mom should be worried about your sister, valley fever could very well take her life, my stepdads brother died from it, most miserable death. Is your sister getting good care?
Your mom needs to do a will, because POA ends at death and she won't be able to do anything unless she is named executor of the will. She should choose a secondary, if your sister is sick, she won't have the physical ability to deal with moms estate. She should do a new POA as well, your sister doesn't need the stress while battling VF.
If your mom is far gone in dementia, it will be difficult to find an attorney to do this will. Unless she can stick to the point and agree, without prompting, that she has made the choices in the will, most won't create it. So you will have to get her to hand write it with 2 witnesses that aren't beneficiaries.
Don't let anyone tell you that your mom can't this because she has dementia, because only a court of law can declare someone incompetent and take away their legal autonomy.
I would have an account set up as POD to the person that will fulfill her wishes. This can help her feel less stressed and still keep the money available for her care.
You are all adults and no longer under her authority. So please, do not kill yourselves trying to placate a demented brain, it's a losing situation. Her needs, not wants are what are important now. Especially if she is using all of you to prop up the facade of independence.
Remember, you all matter too.
In your mind and heart you will need to separate the disease from the person. If you can't do this then perhaps consider having someone else or an agency provide her future care. Everything about dementia is hard, as can the legions of people on this forum attest.