As a young adult (24 with family of my own , 2 girls ages 4 and 5 , very hard-working husband) I struggle with accepting the mental hardships of life. 5 years ago my best friend died , my dad. I use dark humor to cope whilst my mother has basically tried to forget my dad. (Takes down all memories of him photos and just tossed them in the spare junk room) gets a boy toy and moves him in her home. He literally does nothing but eat my food (my family has moved in with mom so we can help her with household repairs and her help us with a place to live) she works 2 jobs and he does not leave the bedroom expect to eat my food.
Help me to not lose it with these two.
You really have no right to "lose it" with these two. What you have a right to do is leave. Its up to Mom to deal with her boyfriend. If Mom can't keep the house up, maybe she needs to sell it and use the proceeds to help her live in an apt. Lots of widows have to give up their house because they can't afford it.
First, I am 72 yrs old. Most of us are Seniors on this forum. Things were quite different when I was 24 and just married. By that age, a lot of my friends had been married a little while and had at least one child and had bought their first house. I bought mine 2 years later. I realize that things are much different now. It takes 2 salaries to make it. But it can be done. It may mean living from pay to pay. Cutting corners where you can. You need to sit down and look at your finances. What can u afford in rent. You are lucky that u have 2 small girls so only need two bedrooms. Jobs are in abundance now. And people are paying to get staff. Maybe you could work for a Daycare and your girls go free or at a cut rate. You have other options than living with Mom. If ur 24 Mom is still young. She can take after herself.
Be aware that everyone handles grief differently. Like said, Dads death was 5 years ago. Mom is fairly young, she needs to move forward. You were so young to take on the responsibility of a family. But you have and now its time to become independent. You have to allow Mom to live the way she wants and it is really time to be on ur own.
Young enough to be adventurous - old enough to run your own life.
What's that old quote..
"Tired of being harrassed by your parent/s? ACT NOW! Move out, get a job, pay bills - while you still know everything!".
Seriously. I am sorry you lost your beloved Dad. Find a way to connect to his memory & move forward with your life. Moving out is #1 step.
PS If you can move through life without attacking people you asked for advice - you life will be that much nicer 😊
If the death of your dad 5 years ago still has you twisted up in knots, you really need to seek grief counseling.
And before you ask "how can you possibly know how I feel, losing my dad when I was 19" I will tell you mine died when I was 15, so I get how devastating it can be, both to you AND your mom. My mom picked fights with all of us, especially my oldest sister daily for a solid 3 years after my dad passed. I know now it was her grief; even then I could see it, but it didn't make it any easier.
If the living situation is so untenable, then maybe for everyone's sake you and your family should find other living arrangements. If living with your mom's boyfriend fills you with that much rage that you're afraid of "losing it", you should seriously consider leaving before it gets to that point, because that will be good for no one in your family.
Good luck.
As said, Moms house, her rules. I think its time you and DH move out. You need to have a place of your own. Your girls are old enough for Daycare so you can get a job. In this age it takes two salaries to make ends meet.
Since no one else has mentioned it... it is dangerous to live there if Mom keeps bringing in boyfriends to stay. Statistics show that a child is 40x (yes, forty) more likely to be molested by a non-biological family member that lives in the home. And just because you're living there doesn't mean you or your mother can watch your kids constantly. It's shocking how easily a child can be taken advantage of. Some of these perps walk into a child's bedroom while everyone is asleep! Parents assume their kids will tell them if something happened, but most often they do not. Preschool aged kids like yours also don't have the vocabulary to explain what happened. One in four girls will be sexually abused by their 18th birthday. Even by the boyfriend who "seems nice". Or the boyfriend who buys the kids toys and such for no reason. That is a huge red flag. The reason is to gain the child's love and trust and get closer access to her.
All that aside, how do the kids feel about not having their own home? And seeing grandma bring new 'friends' in and out? They lost their grandfather. I doubt they're happy seeing new men taking his place.
Please find a new place to live ASAP!
I'm sorry for the loss of your father and for the loss of your mother's husband. 5 years is a long time for your mom to be alone, so having a boyfriend doesn't sound so harsh to me! You calling him her 'boy-toy' sounds disrespectful to me, since it's HER home he's living in, not yours.
If you are struggling with the mental hardships of life, think about getting some counseling to figure out how to move on with your life and allow your mother to move on with hers. She's got that right, you know!
Good luck
I'd say there's an uneven arrangement here, and your mom is shouldering the biggest burden. She has your family in her home 24/7, she's working two jobs, and you're helping with "repairs?" What exactly does that constitute?
You, on the other hand, are in a parent/child relationship with your mom while trying to be a parent yourself. You don't get to dictate how she grieves for her husband while in her own home. The new BF is unfortunate and won't end well, but it's her life. You should be supportive of her and help her ensure he doesn't take advantage of her financially (get her financial papers in order), but otherwise it's her house and her life.
You need to move. That's the tough world of adulting, but there it is. You and your husband need to figure it out, but you have two kids and need to take care of them yourselves.
Your mother may have removed your father's photos b/c of the memories and pain it causes to remember him. Please don't judge her unkindly b/c she's moved the photos.
I won't comment on her apparently noncontributory BF, but it IS her home. What efforts are you making to find a home of your own? Personally, I think that two young children could create a challenge for a widow, and she does need time alone to grieve.
You refer to "lazy roommates" (plural) in the title of this thread. Other than the "boy toy", to whom are you referring?
Personally, I think you're being overly critical of your mother, and I'm not sure you even have the right to criticize her "boy toy." If anyone's going to "lose it", I would think it would be your mother, working 2 jobs, coming home to HER home with your 2 young children.
I agree with Goddatter that it's your mother's choice of roommate, house and life. You're young and have a lot of life ahead of you. Think how you want to spend it, in a house of your own or in someone else's house. Then think how you can work toward that goal.
BTW, have you asked the "boy toy" to contribute to the food budget?