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Hypersexuality can be a problem in severe dementia, and you should speak with your doctor about this because there are medications that can have good effect.
To be honest, I can't imagine your daughter, 60, with her own life, being around him all that much at this point? The fact that you say he is asking YOUR daughter, and not HIS daughter, makes me wonder if she is your daughter by another husband, and thus not a direct relationship? She may, also, as others state below, look a lot like you did when he "knew you", because it is clear that he doesn't KNOW anyone at all at this point.
You are describing a gentleman who is well advanced into dementia, and who is no longer at all the man he was to either your daughter or to yourself. He should, in my own humble opinion, now be in the loving hands of several shifts of caregivers on several shifts. And yes, he may continue his inappropriate behavior there, as well; they are used to it. It's all a common part of their job.
You do not here tell us ANYTHING at all about your daughters' thoughts, feelings, reactions, suggestions? I would be so interested in hearing that.
As others have said, your daughter probably resembles you at that age, in looks and mannerisms and voice, or some combination of those. So he's mistaking her for you, and probably thinks he's a younger version of himself as well. A doctor can help stop the behavior with medications.
Well that is not good....ask Husband if he wants a divorce for trying to cheat on you with his own daughter? I'd be tempted to slap him, nothing "cute" about it. He's not just "playfully flirting" he's asking for sex. Are you present when he does this, or has your Daughter told you?
Seriously, how can an 80+ year old man even be able to do it anyway? Give me a break. Most can barely use a walker by then. How will they get their Viagra order? It may stop their heart taking it anyway! Yes, it's all a fantasy, BUT....
I'd personally be very annoyed at this behavior. I tend to get annoyed at all the "Dementia Advice" about letting all their bad behavior slide, don't argue, pretend and redirect, etc. It caused my blood pressure to skyrocket.
I would put a stop to it now. He may start asking other young ladies next, when you aren't around. Joking about it tells him it's accepted behavior. Ask his Doctor for some medication. This is a common problem that can be solved easy.
You must have been a babe in your 60s. I was too. Don't feel hurt, its dementia speaking. I hate even saying that. But it should be prevented before it gets worse. Good luck!
Thanks for the response. My daughter is his stepfather and calls her by name. My daughter was caring for my husband while I was having an overnight stay in the hospital. While they were watching TV he walked directly to her and asked if she wanted 5 consult times, with her saying no each time. He wouldn't even go to sleep and kept telling her she needed to come in to sleep with him. He was very agitated and getting frustrated because she wouldn't have sex, like that was even actually physically possible! He says it doesn't really mean anything it's just sex. I need to ask his doctor for something because she was getting uneasy because of his insistence. I am his only caretaker and I can't lose my daughters help.
You have to have a sense of humor. She's 60. Tell her to tell him it's her day off. But tomorrow is discount day and he has to come up with $1,543.08 plus a cow for her poor mom's farm. I know it's annoying. And the thought of it gross. I have older friends. He, a lovely 91 yr old early dementia suffering husband of a fun loving sharp-minded gentle 89 yr old wife. It became a chore to see them at lunches, dinners and picnics. He'd tell me to come sit next to him and I'd be ready each time with a comeback. The last time I said that I didn't trust myself sitting next to him because I know that I wouldn't be able to help myself from touching his knee. He and his wife giggled. Most everyone relaxes and understood. Hey everybody Michele doesn't trust herself next to Tony. Tony's a friend, in your case it's you're husband. It's more difficult but he, we, need to be more than we were before. His brain is dying. Unless it's more than talk, tickle him with silliness. Tell him funny light and kind "Romeo give it a break. Save it for later" and other similar gentle reminders because he is at the point where soon if not already he will only remember humiliation and disappointment and from whom. Rather than learn a lesson by reproach to behave well, make him stop and laugh. So the formula is either 1 or 2; 1) you give him laughter, and so, You = Good. 2) you give reprimands that feel bad, and so, You = Shame, Sad, Bad. For the rest of his days you'll want him, in his deepest lost time in the future to feel safe with you. We become mom, or dads. If your man could help it, he would.
Because folks with dementia lose their short term memory, your husband is now living in the past with his long term memories, and I can only guess like already said that your daughter looks like you when you were younger, so he's mistaking your daughter for you. And he's not doing this on purpose but because his brain is broken. So just tell your daughter to remind him that she is his daughter, not his wife, and have her walk away. And if things get out of hand his doctor may have to prescribe medication to keep his urges at bay.
Doctor can prescribe a medication for that. Also have daughter firmly tell him "NO". Remember daughter most likely looks like you when you were younger so its not "her" he's after. He is remembering YOU. My daddy talked about sex in front of me too and I finally told him you need to stop because I don't want to hear that kind of talk - STOP!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
To be honest, I can't imagine your daughter, 60, with her own life, being around him all that much at this point? The fact that you say he is asking YOUR daughter, and not HIS daughter, makes me wonder if she is your daughter by another husband, and thus not a direct relationship? She may, also, as others state below, look a lot like you did when he "knew you", because it is clear that he doesn't KNOW anyone at all at this point.
You are describing a gentleman who is well advanced into dementia, and who is no longer at all the man he was to either your daughter or to yourself. He should, in my own humble opinion, now be in the loving hands of several shifts of caregivers on several shifts. And yes, he may continue his inappropriate behavior there, as well; they are used to it. It's all a common part of their job.
You do not here tell us ANYTHING at all about your daughters' thoughts, feelings, reactions, suggestions? I would be so interested in hearing that.
Seriously, how can an 80+ year old man even be able to do it anyway? Give me a break. Most can barely use a walker by then. How will they get their Viagra order? It may stop their heart taking it anyway! Yes, it's all a fantasy, BUT....
I'd personally be very annoyed at this behavior. I tend to get annoyed at all the "Dementia Advice" about letting all their bad behavior slide, don't argue, pretend and redirect, etc. It caused my blood pressure to skyrocket.
I would put a stop to it now. He may start asking other young ladies next, when you aren't around. Joking about it tells him it's accepted behavior. Ask his Doctor for some medication. This is a common problem that can be solved easy.
You must have been a babe in your 60s. I was too. Don't feel hurt, its dementia speaking. I hate even saying that. But it should be prevented before it gets worse. Good luck!
I need to ask his doctor for something because she was getting uneasy because of his insistence. I am his only caretaker and I can't lose my daughters help.
I know it's annoying. And the thought of it gross.
I have older friends. He, a lovely 91 yr old early dementia suffering husband of a fun loving sharp-minded gentle 89 yr old wife. It became a chore to see them at lunches, dinners and picnics. He'd tell me to come sit next to him and I'd be ready each time with a comeback. The last time I said that I didn't trust myself sitting next to him because I know that I wouldn't be able to help myself from touching his knee. He and his wife giggled. Most everyone relaxes and understood. Hey everybody Michele doesn't trust herself next to Tony.
Tony's a friend, in your case it's you're husband. It's more difficult but he, we, need to be more than we were before. His brain is dying. Unless it's more than talk, tickle him with silliness. Tell him funny light and kind "Romeo give it a break. Save it for later" and other similar gentle reminders because he is at the point where soon if not already he will only remember humiliation and disappointment and from whom. Rather than learn a lesson by reproach to behave well, make him stop and laugh.
So the formula is either 1 or 2;
1) you give him laughter, and so, You = Good.
2) you give reprimands that feel bad, and so, You = Shame, Sad, Bad.
For the rest of his days you'll want him, in his deepest lost time in the future to feel safe with you. We become mom, or dads.
If your man could help it, he would.
So just tell your daughter to remind him that she is his daughter, not his wife, and have her walk away. And if things get out of hand his doctor may have to prescribe medication to keep his urges at bay.
Also have daughter firmly tell him "NO".
Remember daughter most likely looks like you when you were younger so its not "her" he's after. He is remembering YOU.
My daddy talked about sex in front of me too and I finally told him you need to stop because I don't want to hear that kind of talk - STOP!