She's on Xanax & Seroquel since mid-Sep. It's a daily event now and I feel like I'm losing my mind. She's flashing back to two different houses from her childhood, (also located in S. Philly) and wants to go NOW! I had to physically stop her Saturday because it was too late to go out. I have taken her out as a last resort but don't like doing it. Have tried calling siblings to interrupt the behavior but that isn't always an option.On Xanax & Seroquel since mid-Sep Many thanks for your help! Donna
These will help you join your mom in her world, and have some tools at hand to discern the situation beyond what's just on the surface.
There is a sweet lady on my mom's unit in dementia care. She is completely unintelligible, but that doesn't stop her. I have helped her get unstuck from hallway corners before, and she is quite the chatterbox. But, she's pleasant, sweet in demeanor, and willing to be led to another area. I just compliment her shoes, clothes, hair. But this is easier for me because I'm not living with her.
Maybe accept that you're just not going to understand, but give mom feedback as if you do to keep her calm. This is when some powers of telepathy sure would help! But, like with small babies, we have to guess. Hungry? Wet? Constipated? itchy? tired? bored? something poking? foot going to sleep? Or failing that, it could be that she doesn't even know that she's talking and it's just nervous system activity routed to the wrong place. It's OK if you just interrupt with another topic or activity to disrupt the flow.
This problem will go away, but there's no way to know when. Better gird up in case it takes a long time.
I wouldn't try to take her out to the houses of the past anymore. See if mom is entertained by letting her watch the Teepa Snow videos with you!
Thanks for your post, Amy
Donna
These "conversations" are wearing me down to a frazzle. Been having one off/on for the last couple of hours as I type this; at least she's not agitated. However, I cannot make a lot of sense out of her speech other than those few words: mom, dad, home, etc.
I do understand your struggles. My mom has very hard time expressing her thoughts and I think sometimes just says that one fall back of going somewhere bc can't say what she wants to say. Usually if I say something like that's tomorrow or next week when we go there, and then try to focus on something else it seems to work, at least awhile. Hope this helps!
I also regret not interviewing my maternal grandparents about their life in Italy before coming here to the US. Of course we had conversations, but it would have made so much sense to document it while they were still here.
Earlier this week, I was helping her get ready for bed and, low & behold, I find a piece of toilet paper in her bra!! It wasn't there for stuffing purposes, either! She's also taken toilet paper down and I find it (dry, thank goodness!) in wads, or small pieces on side tables.
Gosh, every day it's a new issue to deal with. Thanks for posting about your husband's meds.
Donna
My mom also takes Namenda XR - started back in March. She's been on generic Aricept for quite a few years. I held out putting her on those meds - as well as the seroquel/xanax combo - but it was necessary. Just hoping the benefits outweigh any side effects.
Thanks for posting -- hugs back to you!
Donna
Mom's still telling me she has to go 'home,' but it is less intense and she is more agreeable when I distract her. The agitation appears to have diminished (fingers crossed!).
Kathleen . . . thanks for posting the info on powerfultoolsforcaregivers. You're right that we need to know which resources are out there to test what works. Thanks again! Donna
Check it out! We nee all the support we can get.
You are so right, Amy, about bracing for 'it' -- I find myself asking for Divine Intervention (and patience, right NOW!) quite a bit these days. Great that you found something for your dad to focus on. Excellent retort by him on your roadkill sighting!!
Loved reading all of your stories and suggestions! Thanks again!
Donna
And you know what they say about idle hands... :-)
Mom's dementia unit keeps a laundry basket of washcloths/flannels in the dayroom for folding and unfolding.
Mom has stopped doing this lately, but she used to be a picker. She would pick at her nails, her skin, the cat, the sofa, whatever was near her hand that couldn't get away. It got better with anxiety meds. She had sores on her hands that could not heal from the picking. It was something else to have to witness. If meds hadn't helped this, I had a busy-blanket planned.
I made one for my husband's grandmother. It was a lap quilt of different textured materials in big rectangles. At the corners of the blocks, I used novelty yarns to make pom-poms that could not be pulled apart. It could be rubbed, picked, petted, pulled, and pooped on and it would come out OK from the wash.
Keeping the lights bright in the middle to late afternoon into the evening is supposed to help with Sundowners. Nobody know exactly why, but it could be that their brains misinterpret lower light as something else.
"Let's wait until after we finish the laundry [statement, not question - important distinction. Giving choices isn't always the most useful option] Would you mind helping? I've got all these washclothes I need folded." (And if I don't have any fresh from the laundry - a rarity, actually - I've been known to grab a stack of them and UNfold them, just to give her something to do.)
She loves brushing my hair. "Be right back .. need to finish the dishes and when I'm done, I'd love for you to brush my hair." (be right back - a delay tactic that often helps disperse the anxiety, and brushing hair is really relaxing - for both of us). And then I make sure to *immediately* suggest bedtime (or other activity, depending on the time of day), "It's bedtime, let's go brush our teeth and stuff."
As caregivers we end up having to be realllllly creative with solutions. Good luck with finding your own!!
LadeeC