Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Mums diabetic and vascular dementia doc said diet and exercise is VITAL her progression. How do I get her out for fresh air so frustrating this may end her life sooner if she wont go out and start pumping her heart.
Kazaa, just google 'chair gym' and you'll see pictures of what Ferris is referring to. Basically it's a chair that allows you to do different exercises while sitting with attached resistance bands.
Ferris we have different names for things here what is a chairgym? Sounds interesting? Mum is on a list for physio could take a year here the state the country is in! We did walk today but after 20mins she just wants to sit down and ive never seen anyone walk so slow its scary. Its not really proper walking getting your heart going but its the best she can manage for now I think she is getting slower by the week.
Gosh joannes thats alot of stress on you dont know what to say seems so unfair to have to go through all this. I want to start my own business the money is coming soon and just when I thought life was going to get better my mum gets this. But ill just have to put it off for awhile now it could have been worse to have started the business then my mum get sick. You must be a very tough cookie as we say here! Just because youre a nurse dosnt make it easier you really have been dealt a heavy hand and I hope you can sort this out and get more help you deserve it. Funny all my life first impressions of me especially men "are you a nurse?" ME you gotta be kidding I have a panic attack just at the hospital gates still faint at blood tests yes im pretty useless in that respect but when my mum had a siezure last year in front of me i responded very well and saved her life!!
She can walk inside. Outside is not exactly healthy either! Get her a ChairGym and she will get plenty of exercise and she can do it anywhere because it moves around. I got one to help with increasing my muscle mass before our recent move to a new home. My arms are in great shape! Believe me, her heart will pump, until it doesn't, so GET CREATIVE!
(((((((kazzaa))))) - it is sad seeing them change and not for the better. Mother's old doctor, who has since retired, told her not to walk any more. I don't know why as her heart and lungs and muscles are good. She has walked all her life and used walking to burn off steam. I would rather see her walking again and dropping dead while walking than sitting around. I think she would be much happier. She also would be much happier if she had a different attitude and appreciated all she has, but that has been her downfall all her life, and I can`t fix it. and I am not going to let it get me down. Not that I don't love my mother, I do, but I will NOT let her illness make me ill`. I have learned that lesson the hard way the past few years, You are young and my belief and observation is that how you look after yourself in your 40s and 50s to a great extent determines how healthy you are in your senior years, Type 2 diabetes can be avoided by a healthy lifestyle -diet and exercise. Alz is being linked more and more to type 2 diabetes. I am not saying the picture is clear or simple, I believe that genetics is involved too in some cases, but you do what you can do, and that is maintain your health - physical and mental, as best you can. I didn't realise your mum was only my age. That is sad. Face yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are worth the effort! and you have many here cheering you on. more (((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) joannes - I don't know how you are surviving such a load. Can you get more help - like a geriatric care manager, and spend time building your business back up. ((((((((hug))))))) and you take care of you too.
I sure agree totally about how difficult it is having a parent with dementia!! My Dad was a real pistol until he went a lot farther over the edge with it. He knew years ago his diagnosis and he really did work at caring for himself properly...except for nutrition. But when he started to slip badly....he strove for more and more control and much of the time did not see that he had any problems. He and Mom went and did the POA paperwork and resigned as trustees over their trust, and put me in charge. And then, when he realized he had done it, he argued and argued with me about it and went back to the attorney to UNDO it He forced the hand about declaring him incompetent and then was mad when the lawyer called him in and presented him with the facts that his two docs had agreed he was not able to handle his own affairs. So then he argued with me regularly and fought with Mom and started drinking excessively and went and bought a hand gun to do himself in. Then he couldn't remember where he put the gun, so 'WE stole it from him!' At the peak of all the issues, I, who live out of town, was getting 15-20 calls/day from either him or my Mom....and all totally interrupting my attempts at taking on all the financial aspects for them! He did calm down for 5 months after being placed, when the third placement place, this past July got him on the right meds. Now he is more settled, but all the same stuff is starting with my MOM, who is still at home. She is still mild dementia but she is a total controller and not nearly as lovable in her good times, as my Daddy is! It is a very hard walk, and I do not know how people do it alone. I've been in danger of going nuts and I have the attorney, case manager, and two daughters who've flown in from out of town a couple times each since January....a husband at home too and a business to run along with the care aspects. My business has fallen off by 50% because I am constantly pulled here there and everywhere. And, the last straw is dealing with the possibility that my husband has early Parkinson's Disease. I am beginning to see WHY God inspired me to become an RN!
yes youre right blannie I am going to start to look after myself this is how we get ill later im 48 and still think oh ill look after myself soon and then soon becomes too late? Im even afraid to look in the mirror and havnt for a longtime as this stress is going to age me if I don't start to get healthy.
Look at emjo shes amazing for her age an inspiration for us all! My poor mum shes only 76yrs old and still only looks about 60 she always had great skin people do not believe shes her age even when she first got her bus pass the driver refused her and rang to confirm she was who she said she was!
Thanks emjo its just so sad to watch her spend her days watching crap tv all day she was never like that before. I just hope that she agrees to go to the day centre and pray to god she enjoys it. It breaks your heart to see them like this but like you say she may not change I think if someone told me I had this id do what the hell I wanted too? eat more icecream? Part of me wants her to do what she wants and die before this gets worse then the other is no I want you here as long as we can have you here. So difficult I will learn a lot by this site I suppose if I don't nag her I feel like im not caring enough but I care so much its making me ill and I know I need to back off a bit. On a lighter note im off in the morning to the BIGGEST WOOL shop in Ireland a 2 and a half bus journey UGH but mum was happy that I suggested it! just trying so hard with very little money to do things with her while I still can.
Yes, like Emjo says, allow yourself to grieve. Once you realize you can't control the universe and make your mom younger or healthy and you can't control your mom's behavior, there's both a great weight off your shoulders and a great sadness that she won't do what she *should* do for her best health.
But to look at it a different way, I bet you know there are things you should do for yourself (like take time for relax, get the right amount of exercise, and eat healthy) and I'll just bet that you don't do those either. So it's hard for ALL of us to do what we *should*. But those things are the only things you can control in this situation. What you do for yourself. So let your mom do what she wants to do and live the rest of her life as it pleases her. It may knock a few months off her life, but you'll both be much happier in her remaining time.
((((((kazzaa)))) grieving can take many forms -anger, anxiety, depression... all of those and more. Allow yourself some space to grieve. Neither you, nor your mother nor her doctor can stave off the inevitable, That does not mean the recommended measures are useless and may not buy someone increased quality of life and time. Of course not. Individuals are just that, and for many, maintaining control of what they can is very important. You say she has always been resistance to suggestion. It is unlikely she will change now. Acceptance of the realities will lower your stress and probably hers. A family meeting is a great idea. You need to lay out how things are so your sibs are fully informed and let your mum hear how everyone feels and let everyone hear how mum feels. Your sibs do need to understand that you cannot keep nagging her. It is soul destroying for you, and not good for your mum. ((((((hugs))))) Let us know how it turns out.
Thanks guys I guess youre right that I cannot control her and even years before this weve all tried to get her to walk watch her diet etc..... I am starting to grieve for her and just clinging on to some hope that we still have a few years with her but maybe nagging her is not the answer and just do things that make her happy( ok not a lot makes her happy?) with the time she has left she calls me a bully everytime I ask her to do things healthy? im drained so will hold back a bit I will try the threat of a wheelchair and see what she does if nothing works then as you say leave her alone. My bro and sis are coming over soon if we all have a serious chat with her then see if that works if not then I also want them to understand how we are wasting time and energy and that I cannot keep nagging her to help herself. Even though ive been on this site for a few weeks and have known she has dementia for awhile NOBODY can describe to you how hard this is until you experience it! thank god for kind caring people! x
Agreed. I think present her with the facts and some options, as suggested, BUT, know that it is her choice and don't beat yourself up about her choices. She may "bite" some of the options and she may not. I do support a facility placement as they have programs, and I think many seniors will go along with others while not going along with a family member. It can take a lot of pressure off family. My mother makes her own choices and at one point that was to not take her antipsychotic meds. We had a few words about it, I let her know what I thought which was that she needed to take them, but agreed with her that it was her choice. If you want to talk about stubborn - mother is it. About a month later, talking to her case manager I found out that it appears that she is taking the meds after all, though she has said nothing to me, and that's OK. The main thing is that she is taking them, However, if she was not taking them I would accept it as her choice. If there were consequences from not taking them, at some point I probably would gently remind her that the pills were given to her to help her. In her case, it is not a matter of her physical health but her mental health. In either case - it is their choice. You can't control anyone else. I wonder with some of these measures, just how many more days, weeks, months of life people gain. From the reading I have done, even when healthy people exercise, it only adds a few years to their lives. I know the medical profession has to recommend measures that improve health -that is their job, but you cannot force anyone to follow them.
kazzaa, please read blannie's answer several times. Print it out and read it whenever you are frustrated that Mom isn't doing what you want her to do. "You can't save your mom from herself." ... "Instead of nagging her and making yourself crazy with worry and self-blame, just let her do what she wants to do and enjoy it as best you can."
You might be able to do this more easily if Mom were in a care center.
Watching someone we love engage in self-destructive behaviors is painful. But you really cannot control Mom's behavior.
Kazaa I'm going to take a different tack. Why do you feel compelled to make your mom do something she doesn't want to do? My dad was overweight and had a stroke. He was supposed to walk for exercise after rehab. He wouldn't. I tried bribing him (I'd get him wine if he'd walk down to the other end of the building 2X a day, even though he wasn't supposed to drink). He never did. I finally figured out that he was going to do what he wanted to do (he was also LAZY with a capital Z and didn't want to walk BEFORE the stroke. I couldn't save him from himself.
You can't save your mom from herself. Once you set down that burden of trying to save your mom, you can relax and do the best you can with the time she has left. She has dementia, she has serious medical issues and her time is limited. Instead of nagging her and making yourself crazy with worry and self-blame, just let her do what she wants to do and enjoy it as best you can.
Consider walking with her at regular times am or pm...then have a little reward at the end such as coffee or tea and cookies after or lemonade, small glass of wine and cheese cubes following a later afternoon walk.
Sometimes there are senior mall walking groups that are local. My mom was in one once and it really motivated her to go, walk with some others for company and then comraderie as they sat in group and talked afterwards. This was a great outing and one she eventually looked forward to. Everyone called or asked about her if she missed!
The more she lays around the more habit forming. It's not likely she will walk much by herself as it's lonely if your not an independent type.
There can be other activities aerobic such as walking up and down stairs, shopping, etc. Park further from shopping center so you both walk further. Gardening, etc.
Bribes! If you promised me an hour in a book store or library at the end of a walk I'd go. Walk to her favorite coffee shop, ice cream soda fountain or happy hour. Take her to the prettiest park or botanical garden in town. If she likes to window shop, take her to the mall, or go to a museum or art gallery together. When people are having fun sometimes they don't notice the pain so much. If she is competitive and goal-oriented at all, a pedometer is a great inducement to crank up the mileage. If she likes animals, perhaps a neighbor would be willing to lend you a dog to walk. You might arrange to walk her over to a neighbor's for a cup of tea. I've tried most of the above with good results. One other thing that helped was signing my mom up for an Arthritis charity walk. The first time we did it we raised about $315 and I pushed her in a wheelchair. Everybody cheered her and applauded, and they took her picture crossing the finish line and put it on the cover of their newsletter, so it was a very positive experience for her. The next time she did it she felt so encouraged that she wanted to try walking, so I just pushed the emptywheelchair in case she got tired, while she walked with crutches. She started talking with other friendly walkers and got so caught up in the excitement that she ended up walking about a mile. I was amazed.
Thanks guys but not convinced shes afraid? she hops to it when she needs to go to town or getting something she wants and walks all over town! Lazy does come to mind. afterall this why she got dementia in first place not controlling her diet and excercise mum was never a walker have tried everything even a coffee and cake after? this will be the end of her and do tell her all the time if you walk youre memory will improve couldnt careless always not well tired just bloody excuses am so drained. if I cant get her to excercise and eat properly then maybe a home is the only option as she will be engaging in activities everyday and it may prolong her life so stressful. I even burst out crying one day and told her how worried I was she just said im fine stop fretting? I think a professional needs to talk to her. Anyway hows this she wants to go to a wool shop this invovles walking around so if this is the only way to get her out I may start planning bus journeys to wherever at least we dont have to pay so mad i dont have a car life would be much easier!
Have you tried simply saying to her that the doctor ordered this for her health? Or even ask the doctor to write it on an order form? When my Dad's dementia progressed, it got so we could not get him to shower, or eat regularly....and even now, in a dementia unit, he has days when he questions why he is there. The only thing that will get a response with him is to say 'the doctor ordered it'. Even when he wasn't too bad, if I said, 'Well the doctor wants you to try this or try that because it will help your memory' then he would agree. As an RN, retired, I do strongly agree with the first commen from 'wantingtime' too....as if a person cannot see the stopping point, and they somehow know they don't have the stamina, they ARE afraid to even start. What about just walking to mailbox or something? Or if you get her outside to sit, then say, "Oh lets walk over here and look at the flowers....they are beautiful" Just something that might spark her interest and doesn't involve going far? Does she have a 'walker'? When my Mom broke her hip, she was recommended to purchase a walker with a chair on it. That way, as she exercised, if too tired, she could sit right there for a bit. She was more willing to walk with it, and soon progressed to not needing it anymore.
she's afraid. try setting some chairs out first and see if you can persuade her to come out and sit...then start trying to persuade her to go a little further as time goes by. Don't set long goals, make it very very very short at first. Don't try to get her to go around the block for example. She'll be afraid she'll get too far and not be able to get back. try walking to the end of your walk and back first then try for two trips, then to the neighbors drive and back...make sure she can see where you are going to quit so she doesnt' worry herself over how far it is.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Mum is on a list for physio could take a year here the state the country is in! We did walk today but after 20mins she just wants to sit down and ive never seen anyone walk so slow its scary. Its not really proper walking getting your heart going but its the best she can manage for now I think she is getting slower by the week.
I want to start my own business the money is coming soon and just when I thought life was going to get better my mum gets this.
But ill just have to put it off for awhile now it could have been worse to have started the business then my mum get sick. You must be a very tough cookie as we say here! Just because youre a nurse dosnt make it easier you really have been dealt a heavy hand and I hope you can sort this out and get more help you deserve it. Funny all my life first impressions of me especially men "are you a nurse?" ME you gotta be kidding I have a panic attack just at the hospital gates still faint at blood tests yes im pretty useless in that respect but when my mum had a siezure last year in front of me i responded very well and saved her life!!
joannes - I don't know how you are surviving such a load. Can you get more help - like a geriatric care manager, and spend time building your business back up. ((((((((hug))))))) and you take care of you too.
Look at emjo shes amazing for her age an inspiration for us all! My poor mum shes only 76yrs old and still only looks about 60 she always had great skin people do not believe shes her age even when she first got her bus pass the driver refused her and rang to confirm she was who she said she was!
Part of me wants her to do what she wants and die before this gets worse then the other is no I want you here as long as we can have you here. So difficult I will learn a lot by this site I suppose if I don't nag her I feel like im not caring enough but I care so much its making me ill and I know I need to back off a bit. On a lighter note im off in the morning to the BIGGEST WOOL shop in Ireland a 2 and a half bus journey UGH but mum was happy that I suggested it! just trying so hard with very little money to do things with her while I still can.
But to look at it a different way, I bet you know there are things you should do for yourself (like take time for relax, get the right amount of exercise, and eat healthy) and I'll just bet that you don't do those either. So it's hard for ALL of us to do what we *should*. But those things are the only things you can control in this situation. What you do for yourself. So let your mom do what she wants to do and live the rest of her life as it pleases her. It may knock a few months off her life, but you'll both be much happier in her remaining time.
Even though ive been on this site for a few weeks and have known she has dementia for awhile NOBODY can describe to you how hard this is until you experience it! thank god for kind caring people! x
You might be able to do this more easily if Mom were in a care center.
Watching someone we love engage in self-destructive behaviors is painful. But you really cannot control Mom's behavior.
You can't save your mom from herself. Once you set down that burden of trying to save your mom, you can relax and do the best you can with the time she has left. She has dementia, she has serious medical issues and her time is limited. Instead of nagging her and making yourself crazy with worry and self-blame, just let her do what she wants to do and enjoy it as best you can.
Sometimes there are senior mall walking groups that are local. My mom was in one once and it really motivated her to go, walk with some others for company and then comraderie as they sat in group and talked afterwards. This was a great outing and one she eventually looked forward to. Everyone called or asked about her if she missed!
The more she lays around the more habit forming. It's not likely she will walk much by herself as it's lonely if your not an independent type.
There can be other activities aerobic such as walking up and down stairs, shopping, etc. Park further from shopping center so you both walk further. Gardening, etc.
Good luck.