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If the reason is as I suspect, she won’t regret cutting him out of her life.
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Reply to Fawnby
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My mother was very negative, depressed, and zero fun to be around.

My girls do not visit their grandmother at her MC, and I don’t blame them.

I would let your grown daughter make her own decision.
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Reply to cxmoody
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I think you should stay out of this. Let her know her grandfather would like to see her if she ever wishes to visit.
Otherwise this is well and truly her own business, and if this gentleman was cruel to her I cannot imagine why in the world she would feel bad about not visiting, nor why she would care when he is gone.

You can decide for others. It is their business and their choices should be honored.
I would simply tell her you understand her feelings in light of the fact he was not good to her.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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faithfulbeauty Jun 12, 2024
@AlvaDeer,
Yes, I'm staying out of it because I want what is best for her. I did tell her that he would like to see her and that he would like a phone call from her. She stopped calling him years ago because of the negativity during phone calls. I told him years ago why she stopped calling and he said he was not going to change. He probably regrets that now. Evidently he has even told one his friends that she wont't have anything to do with him. The friend approached me and said that my daughter should be ashamed. I basically told her to mind her own business.
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Your daughter is an adult and can decide what she wants to do. Leave it alone. Some things cannot be fixed.
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Reply to Hothouseflower
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I did not see nor speak to my MIL for the last 4 years of her life.

When she died, I did go to the viewing ad funeral. I looed at her, in her casket and thought "she looks really pi$$ed off" which, inappropriately, made me giggle and I had to leave for a minute. The saying "If you don't quit making that face your face will freeze like that".

Well, it's true.

I felt absolutely nothing when I looked at her. I felt nothing but relief when she died. That doesn't make me bad person and I have zero regrets about holding tight to the boundaries I had to set 4 years ago.

She was extremely abusive to me. And less so, but still--abusive to my kids.

Your daughter is an adult. My guess is, something happened between them that she can't deal with or has been told to NOT deal with it. This is the way she is choosing to handle it.

I can attest to the fact that she will very possibly not feel anything when he dies.

This bothers you more than it does her-just let it go.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Your daughter is an adult . It’s her decision .

Would you rather she visit because you urged her to and then she regrets it , and it causes a rift between the two of you ?

It happens if the adult child sees how much stress their own parent is under because of a grandparent who was never nice.

My adult children didn’t regret it after said grandparent died . They were relieved that my slog was over .
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Reply to waytomisery
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As an adult you should respect her decision and boundary, if she regrets later that is her cross to bear. Don't get in the middle of this, let it go.
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Reply to MeDolly
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OP are you quite quite sure that there is no old sexual abuse in the background? You say that there is a ‘long story’, but this would certainly account for some clear (and hard hearted) actions by your daughter. Perhaps she will “regret not visiting him if something happens to him”, but that’s down to her. If F asks “why she will not talk to him”, the simplest answer is “I don’t know”, not to make a guess that you then have to justify.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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funkygrandma59 Jun 12, 2024
That was my first thought as well Margaret. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse myself by my father, that was what was kind of jumping out at me with the OP's daughter not wanting to be around her perhaps dirty old grandfather.
If that is the case, who can blame her? Certainly not me.
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It sounds like your daughter has suffered great abuse from your father, and she should not be made to feel guilty for not wanting to visit or see him.
I'm guessing that it's best for her mental health to stay away.
Please respect her decision. Just because you have chosen to have somewhat of a relationship with your father, doesn't mean that your daughter has to.
Trust me on this one. I am one who has been there done that(although it was with my mother and father), and I can honestly say I have absolutely no regrets.
We all have to do what we have to to protect ourselves.
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