When my Father started failing in Assisted Living and they weren't taking good care of him, I sold my house and bought a condo with a first floor master suite for him and my room/bath is upstairs. It is just him and I. I quit my job and I provide all his care, cook all his meals, clean after him, coordinate doctors and take him to his appointments, basically I do everything for him.
I split all bills 50/50 and since I am unemployed now, I use his money to pay half. I don't receive anything for the care I give him, just money for mortgage, utilities, food, etc. I have my savings for my half.
It is working fine except I have received comments from people who are interested in his money. They want to know where it is going. Why do I charge him to live here? They say, he is my father, shouldn't I allow him to live for free?
I feel he is already getting free care which takes up my entire life. The utilities are much higher than they were when I lived alone. He wants the heat high, runs a heater in his room constantly, tons of laundry every day switching out his bedding, etc.
Am I wrong for charging him half? He is getting great care, he is with family and it allows me to not work and be here for him. Otherwise I would have to work and we would pay all his money for caregivers.
Any advice would be appreciated.
BUT, you are being unfair to yourself. It's good that Dad is paying for half of the house bills but that isn't the whole picture. Your time as a caregiver has value!!! Assuming your dad has the funds, you should absolutely be paid for your time.
Did your sisters grumble about where the money was going when Dad was in AL? Bet that was a lot more expensive than living with you AND paying for your caregiving time.
You wrote that you have a home health aide starting this week. Do you expect to pay that person? Of course, you do. What that person provides has value. Just as what you provide has value.
I get that you are protecting Dad's nest egg. But, you are pulling money from your savings to pay for your part. You are essentially giving your hard earned savings to your sisters when they receive 2/3s of Dad's estate that you have preserved at your own expense. And, they get to live their lives while you are caring for Dad? How is that fair to you? You should be paid as his caregiver and pay your half from that money.
Personally, I think that your sisters are being greedy and that their opinions should be given the same consideration as the help they are providing.
If this sounds harsh, I apologize. We cared for my MIL in similar circumstances. I didn't realize at the time how much it would cost us in family life and finances. We didn't have a caregiver contract in place and that was a mistake. I do believe that "family takes care of family" but didn't realize that it's a two way street. In the end, her estate was divided equally between her three kids (two who did little to care for her), regardless of what it cost us to preserve her money.
Please be smarter than we were and protect yourself now and for your future.
You are forfeiting your future to ensure that he is receiving good care, that entitles you to get paid for your efforts now and then if there is any money left they will get their 3rd.
Caring for an aged parent is serious work and his money is for his care, don't minimize your efforts. He should be paying rent and half the living expenses, as well as paying you. It is only fair.
If you don't mind me asking, why is he not in a nursing home after being in assisted living wasn't able to support him?
I think you did an amazing thing to be there for your father and half of the bills is a small amt for everything you do .
You are right to tell your sisters they can take him lol I had no idea what I was getting into
Is he a veteran who served during war time? He may qualify for aid and assistance and receive benefits to pay a caregiver. You could then become paid for your help.
Have you contacted Council on Aging to see if he qualifies for help? There is usually a wait list. So call and place his name on the list. They will assess if he qualifies for someone to tidy up, prepare light meals, meals on wheels delivery, help bath him, sit with him for a few hours a month, transportation to and from doctors, and so forth.
I see no problem with your father paying his way or half of the household expenses as I would expect from any adult sharing the household on a continuing basis. That's not going to be a problem when/if your father later needs to qualify for Medicaid, provided you can document the expenses. His money could also be used to hire in home care hours to provide you with some respite time too. Again document, document, document. If your father is still competent, it would be a very good idea to get a care giver agreement in place. If he's no longer competent, just make sure you document and keep receipts.