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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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My wife of 43 years with early onset Alzheimer's let me help her with showering over the past year when she started needing assistance. About 5 months ago she had shoulder surgery and ever since she refuses to take showers. Her recovery went well and she let me help the first couple of weeks. But now when I suggest she take a shower, she responds by saying she had one yesterday or in anger says she does not need me to help. Then she comes to me later and says some strange man is trying to get her to take a shower and he needs to leave or mind his own business. We have 2 daughters that live out of town and when they come over I get them to help her bathe. Also, her sister comes in every couple of weeks and gets her in the shower. I know part of the problem is her growing lack of recognizing me as her husband (been pretty steady on this for 3 years). I am at the point of hiring a caregiver to come in weekly to help her bathe and take care of other needs. She cannot be left alone because she simply cannot take care of all the daily living tasks, e.g. preparing food and drink, getting dressed, cleaning up after using the toilet, finding the 2 bathrooms in our house we have lived in for 30 years. I find everyone's discussions about ideas for the shower fascinating, but for me they probably will not work. I did buy some of that dry shampoo and first thing in the morning when she is in the upstairs bathroom I work that in her hair and then dry it well. I have also been able to change her underwear first thing in the morning and change her clothes (she has been sleeping in her clothes for a few months). I have also been able to take a warm wash cloth and run it over her back first thing in the morning. I bought some wipes and put those in the bathroom for her to use (this is not working but I keep trying). Just keep thinking of and trying ideas, you may hit on something.
@cover9339..cleaning the under carriage.... A commode would work, the "bucket" can be removed and you can reach under. I had a Shower Wheelchair for my Husband and it had a removable basin so it was easy to clean him.
Thank you! Having showered using a shower chair, it certainly is a different feeling when using the removable shower to clean those areas (Sorry if TMI)
Llamalover47 is right. A male bath aide may be exactly what your husband needs.
The bathroom has to be set up and made safe for him as I'm sure you already know. Then the bath aide comes in.
If the stubbornness and refusal to shower continues, see if he'll wash-up with help instead. If you're not successful then another approach is called for. That approach is to wear him down. I was a homecare aide for 25 years so I've had my share of demented elders who refused to shower or wash-up. Yet, it still has to get done.
Wearing down means nothing to eat, drink, no tv, no conversation (other than pertains to getting cleaned up), and no one leaves the bathroom until it's done. This will probably work if you have a hired homecare aide there. Many times the wearing down approach is the only way to get it done. It's miserable and exhausting for everyone, but the home setting is different than the nursing home setting. There's not a full staff of workers at home. There's usually only one. Good luck.
To "us" taking a shower is easy. You strip down, get in, get wet, wash, rinse, dry and get dressed. Sounds like 7 easy steps right... Not so easy if you have dementia. You can do a few things. There are Aides that you can hire that will come in and all they will do is help him shower. or You can help him. Get his clothes together that he will need Get the water temperature set. (there are devices that you can set the temperature to make it easier) Make it safe. A shower bench or chair. (One with a back helps if he is having problems sitting upright) A shower wand so that he or you can control where the water is going. The head and torso are "vulnerable" areas so try to avoid pelting water let it gently get those areas wet. If you are controlling the water give him a washcloth so that he can help, you can also give him the shower wand so that he can wet his feet, legs and participate. Since bathrooms tend to be loud try turning off the water if you are just soaping up. Keep your voice lower in pitch Explain what you are going to do before you do it. This way none of your movements will be a surprise.
Showers are not necessary daily but hygiene is so monitor him in the bathroom that he is cleaning himself after toileting and that he is washing his hands. (If you are not monitoring him he may be needing more help than you realize)
When my mom with dementia started refusing to shower I realized she was unable to adjust water temperature. I started getting everything ready and was able to coax her in to shower at least once a week. She is now sadly in a nursing home facility. I recently found on Amazon a product called SCRUBZZ. They are bathing wipes that foam up and don't need to be rinsed. Wish I knew about these when I was still caring for mom before placement. They look like a good solution.
Here is what I wrote about barriers in bathing in my book "Dementia Care Companion" Barriers to Bathing Patients’ experience of bathing changes with dementia. What was once a refreshing and relaxing activity devolves over time into a stressful and overwhelming sensory and cognitive burden. The noise of the running shower and the exhaust fan, the beads of water pelleting their skin, the impossibility of getting the water temperature right, not knowing where to begin or what to do next, and a myriad of other problems conspire to make for a truly unpleasant bath-time experience.
Physical Barriers to Bathing · Is the bathroom cold? · Does the noise of the fixed showerhead annoy the patient? · Is the running shower making the patient anxious? · Is the floor slippery and the patient is afraid they may fall? · Do they have difficulty adjusting the water temperature? · Is the patient suffering from some pain or discomfort? Psychological Barriers to Bathing · Does the patient believe that they already took a bath or don’t need one? · Are they worried that they will not remember how to bathe? · Are they afraid of being alone in the shower? · Do they feel vulnerable when they take their clothes off? · Does your presence in the bathroom embarrass the patient? · Is the patient suffering from depression or apathy? Do they lack motivation to do anything?
Bathing Alone It may be a while before you have to be physically present during bath times. Keep in mind that even while the patient is able to manage on their own, dementia makes it increasingly difficult for them to do so safely. It is important to take precautions early on to prevent accidents before there is one. · Adjust the water heater temperature to a setting that reduces the risk of scalds. · If you have the option, install a faucet with separate hot and cold controls, rather than a single-lever combination faucet. Patients usually find it easier to manage separate controls. · Install a handheld showerhead. They are more comfortable to use and less noisy. · Install a bath seat or shower chair with backrest and armrests, so the patient can sit while bathing. · Remove unnecessary and unsafe items like razors from the bathroom. · Make sure that the patient cannot lock themselves in the bathroom. · Keep a watchful eye on the bathing process to make sure that the patient does it safely, correctly, and thoroughly.
Bathing Together
"Today is our bath day. I have prepared the bathroom and all the necessary items. The water heater is on. I have turned on the heater in the bathroom. Towels, clothes, and soap are all set. The only missing parts are you and me. We have to bathe to smell good. Today we are having lunch at your favorite restaurant."
Preparing for a Bath · Choose the best time for bathing, when the patient is not tired and is more cooperative. If they are anxious or resist strongly, postpone bathing to another time. · Prepare the bathroom in advance so it is warm and inviting. · Make sure the water heater temperature is at a setting that reduces the risk of scalds. · Prepare all the needed items beforehand so you won’t have to leave the patient alone during the bath. Your attention must be fully dedicated to the patient during bathing times. · Remove unnecessary and unsafe items like razors from the bathroom. · Play the patient’s favorite music or sing a tune that they are familiar with and enjoy. · Set a reward for bathing, such as going for a drive, ice cream in the park, or dinner at their favorite restaurant. During a Bath · If the patient is uncomfortable with you in the bathroom, do not undress them completely right away. Alternatively, you can partially cover their body with a towel. · If the pat
Still plugging the book I see. All of this everyone here already knows. You give the same advice as Teepa Snow and you know what? It will accomplish absolutely nothing outside of a fully-staffed, residential care facility. Even then, most places have to get the job done with short staff and no one gets a pair of private aides who can take two or three hours to get someone showered. Not happening.
Dr should be able to prescribe an aide to assist with this since husband has dementia. Or if husband is on hospice you should get access to an aide with hospice.
Agree with telling over asking. Another opportunity is to ensure safety and warmth. My dad now showers once a month if I’m lucky. He gets a sink bath near every day. He has dementia. He has a walk in shower with a seat. I have him use a stationary walker to enter and stand in the shower, he sits majority of time. I have to help wash him. I put a towel in the dryer to warm it for when he gets out. It’s like having a 2 yo you spoil! It’s spa time. And he is always grateful when it’s over because he feels so good.
You don't ask, you just tell him to come on because it's time for his shower. And then you help him get in, you wash him up, you help him out and you dry him off. And on the in-between days, you use the extra large body wipes and the waterless shampoo and conditioner caps to clean him up and wash his hair.
Do you ask "Are you ready for a shower" if so the answer will probably be no. I said to my mom "time for a shower" and had no problem with her going. When she refused deoderant, I asked her if she wanted to be smelly. She said No and let me put it on.
Is the bathroom warm. If not, heat it up with a small heater. Do you have a shower chair with a hand held shower head? Some people do not like the shower spray directly on them. Moms shower had a regular head and a hand held shower head. There was a knob that I could turn on one or the other. I would rinse Mom off then suds her up real good. Those fluff things are good for that, then rinse her off again. Make it quick. I put a towel on the toilet seat and sat her down to dry her off. It was a small bathroom, but I dressed her as much as I could finishing her off in her room. I bathed her every other day. 2x a week is done in facilities. In between, I did sponge baths. Just washing under her arms and the top half and putting deoderant on. I used Huggies for toilet clean up.
A bath aide will help you both. It will help you as someone else will be dealing with his resistance. If you ask his doctor to order home health services for him they will evaluate his need for services and if he qualifies part of the program is a nurse visit weekly and a bathing aide. Also physical and/or occupational therapy can be assessed. This can help with his balance. The nurse will have to do something for him such as doing his pill box. She will also help keep an eye on his vitals. It’s a great service if your insurance covers home health for the homebound.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
A commode would work, the "bucket" can be removed and you can reach under.
I had a Shower Wheelchair for my Husband and it had a removable basin so it was easy to clean him.
Thank you! Having showered using a shower chair, it certainly is a different feeling when using the removable shower to clean those areas (Sorry if TMI)
The bathroom has to be set up and made safe for him as I'm sure you already know. Then the bath aide comes in.
If the stubbornness and refusal to shower continues, see if he'll wash-up with help instead. If you're not successful then another approach is called for. That approach is to wear him down. I was a homecare aide for 25 years so I've had my share of demented elders who refused to shower or wash-up. Yet, it still has to get done.
Wearing down means nothing to eat, drink, no tv, no conversation (other than pertains to getting cleaned up), and no one leaves the bathroom until it's done. This will probably work if you have a hired homecare aide there. Many times the wearing down approach is the only way to get it done. It's miserable and exhausting for everyone, but the home setting is different than the nursing home setting. There's not a full staff of workers at home. There's usually only one. Good luck.
You strip down, get in, get wet, wash, rinse, dry and get dressed.
Sounds like 7 easy steps right...
Not so easy if you have dementia.
You can do a few things.
There are Aides that you can hire that will come in and all they will do is help him shower.
or
You can help him.
Get his clothes together that he will need
Get the water temperature set. (there are devices that you can set the temperature to make it easier)
Make it safe.
A shower bench or chair. (One with a back helps if he is having problems sitting upright)
A shower wand so that he or you can control where the water is going. The head and torso are "vulnerable" areas so try to avoid pelting water let it gently get those areas wet.
If you are controlling the water give him a washcloth so that he can help, you can also give him the shower wand so that he can wet his feet, legs and participate.
Since bathrooms tend to be loud try turning off the water if you are just soaping up.
Keep your voice lower in pitch
Explain what you are going to do before you do it. This way none of your movements will be a surprise.
Showers are not necessary daily but hygiene is so monitor him in the bathroom that he is cleaning himself after toileting and that he is washing his hands.
(If you are not monitoring him he may be needing more help than you realize)
Barriers to Bathing
Patients’ experience of bathing changes with dementia. What was once a refreshing and relaxing activity devolves over time into a stressful and overwhelming sensory and cognitive burden. The noise of the running shower and the exhaust fan, the beads of water pelleting their skin, the impossibility of getting the water temperature right, not knowing where to begin or what to do next, and a myriad of other problems conspire to make for a truly unpleasant bath-time experience.
Physical Barriers to Bathing
· Is the bathroom cold?
· Does the noise of the fixed showerhead annoy the patient?
· Is the running shower making the patient anxious?
· Is the floor slippery and the patient is afraid they may fall?
· Do they have difficulty adjusting the water temperature?
· Is the patient suffering from some pain or discomfort?
Psychological Barriers to Bathing
· Does the patient believe that they already took a bath or don’t need one?
· Are they worried that they will not remember how to bathe?
· Are they afraid of being alone in the shower?
· Do they feel vulnerable when they take their clothes off?
· Does your presence in the bathroom embarrass the patient?
· Is the patient suffering from depression or apathy? Do they lack motivation to do anything?
Bathing Alone
It may be a while before you have to be physically present during bath times. Keep in mind that even while the patient is able to manage on their own, dementia makes it increasingly difficult for them to do so safely. It is important to take precautions early on to prevent accidents before there is one.
· Adjust the water heater temperature to a setting that reduces the risk of scalds.
· If you have the option, install a faucet with separate hot and cold controls, rather than a single-lever combination faucet. Patients usually find it easier to manage separate controls.
· Install a handheld showerhead. They are more comfortable to use and less noisy.
· Install a bath seat or shower chair with backrest and armrests, so the patient can sit while bathing.
· Remove unnecessary and unsafe items like razors from the bathroom.
· Make sure that the patient cannot lock themselves in the bathroom.
· Keep a watchful eye on the bathing process to make sure that the patient does it safely, correctly, and thoroughly.
Bathing Together
"Today is our bath day. I have prepared the bathroom and all the necessary items. The water heater is on. I have turned on the heater in the bathroom. Towels, clothes, and soap are all set. The only missing parts are you and me. We have to bathe to smell good. Today we are having lunch at your favorite restaurant."
Preparing for a Bath
· Choose the best time for bathing, when the patient is not tired and is more cooperative. If they are anxious or resist strongly, postpone bathing to another time.
· Prepare the bathroom in advance so it is warm and inviting.
· Make sure the water heater temperature is at a setting that reduces the risk of scalds.
· Prepare all the needed items beforehand so you won’t have to leave the patient alone during the bath. Your attention must be fully dedicated to the patient during bathing times.
· Remove unnecessary and unsafe items like razors from the bathroom.
· Play the patient’s favorite music or sing a tune that they are familiar with and enjoy.
· Set a reward for bathing, such as going for a drive, ice cream in the park, or dinner at their favorite restaurant.
During a Bath
· If the patient is uncomfortable with you in the bathroom, do not undress them completely right away. Alternatively, you can partially cover their body with a towel.
· If the pat
Good luck.
And then you help him get in, you wash him up, you help him out and you dry him off.
And on the in-between days, you use the extra large body wipes and the waterless shampoo and conditioner caps to clean him up and wash his hair.
Is the bathroom warm. If not, heat it up with a small heater. Do you have a shower chair with a hand held shower head? Some people do not like the shower spray directly on them. Moms shower had a regular head and a hand held shower head. There was a knob that I could turn on one or the other. I would rinse Mom off then suds her up real good. Those fluff things are good for that, then rinse her off again. Make it quick. I put a towel on the toilet seat and sat her down to dry her off. It was a small bathroom, but I dressed her as much as I could finishing her off in her room. I bathed her every other day. 2x a week is done in facilities. In between, I did sponge baths. Just washing under her arms and the top half and putting deoderant on. I used Huggies for toilet clean up.
If you ask his doctor to order home health services for him they will evaluate his need for services and if he qualifies part of the program is a nurse visit weekly and a bathing aide. Also physical and/or occupational therapy can be assessed. This can help with his balance.
The nurse will have to do something for him such as doing his pill box. She will also help keep an eye on his vitals.
It’s a great service if your insurance covers home health for the homebound.
Tell him you aren't getting within 3 feet of him until he cleans up.