Mom is not grooming, eating or taking her meds. My sis goes over daily and insists on her eating. mom wants to die at home. We have made arrangements to move her to assisted living. How do we tell her when she is so bull-headed and refuses. My sis wants to take her to lunch then say her house has something wrong and we can't go back for 4 weeks till fixed. Drive her to assisted living and her things will all be there. Is this a good idea, nurse said they do this a lot. Any other suggestions?
My mom fell six weeks ago which landed her in the hospital, then in rehab. She had no choice. Rehab happened to be part of nursing home facility. It's nice. I trust the people there, who KNOW how to handle her. They KNOW she's stubborn (today, she was getting out of the wheelchair without the walker. When I asked her, Where's the walker, she told me she didn't want it. You can NOT reason with a person who has this disease. Repeat: You can NOT reason with a person who has this disease.
She was playing BINGO today and darned if she wasn't having a good time with her new 'friend'. Now my mother never has had a friend. But she has one now! She was watching the same shows on tv she watched here. The difference is when I visit, I'm not angry with her. I can play Bingo with her in the Dining Room (which is nice). Today, she was complaining they serve the same food every week (common complaint with her)...I told her I've had the same supper three days this week!
Don't feel bad about this. Just do it. Then you leave for a few days and let her acclimate. Guaranteed, while she may tell you she's not happy, she'll adjust.
I'm thinking about you.
The only suggestion I can give is if she has a favorite aide right now, have that aide do a few hours a day for a while at the ALF. We are on day #4, and the aide is with her today for a few hours. Less anxiety for Mom right now and well worth the extra money. Good luck
We tried her in one of our homes...the home with the most people coming and going. Even that wasn't enough for her. We all had our own lives, and she was looking for entertainment every waking moment. Because she was bored, she would cat nap day and night, thus keeping the rest of the house up all night long. In addition to being fed, bathed, meds management, dressing assistance, hygiene assistance, etc. As she says about the ALF, "there is always something going on here to keep me busy".
Iamsunny, good luck & pls keep us posted.
She has no options if she's not thinking clearly.
It's tough. Yes. But you have to do it and just understand she's not thinking properly.
1. Will your mother or father be safe living there alone?
2. Is their current home safe and in good living condition? (heaters, no rips in carpet, tears in flooring,etc...)
3. What is there financial situation like and will they be able to stay up with current costs of maintaining a home to keep it a safe environment?
4. Is the current home two stories and can they get up and down stairs safely?
5. What is the physical state of your parent? Will they be able to walk up and down the stairs safely if it is two floors, clean house, buy groceries, cook?
6. What is the mental health state of your parent? Do they remember to take their daily medications, do they remember all of their doctor's appointments?
No matter how much you love your parents and would like to see them to be able to live at home, safety should come before everything! After all, that is how your parents raised you when you were young; they were always concerned about your safety.
As far as having home care, this is a wonderful service, but please remember that this service is part time and the caregiver is only there for a couple of hours a few days a week. All your answers to the questions above should be factored in when making a decision for your parent to be cared for at home with part time nursing care. Also, keep in mind, that when the nurse comes in to see your parent, he/she will ask them certain questions; how have they been, have they had any problems, are they remembering to take their medicines? If your parent has short term memory loss, the nurse is probably not going to be able to get accurate answers.
Loving care for a parent, must consider safety, health and finances, both short and long term. In addition, you too want to live a healthy and full life so that you have more to give back to your aging parent. Best regards!
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