My husband's gram has been with us for a little over a year. The dust has settled, she's happy and comfy. It's hard for me, but I'm ok so far. The problem now is the 2 kids of hers that were already given a chance to care for her (and it didn't work out or she wouldn't be here!) They are greedy hateful people and are pissed she took them out of her will and are threatening to take gram's home (we all live there now). This daughter had already tried to sell it when she lived with her on top of draining $50,000 out of her account that gram's husband left for "her care". So Gram figured she got hers early and the son managed to get Gram to co-sign a loan to buy a mobile home because he couldn't properly care for Gram. About 9 months out of the hospital with a traumatic brain injury, which onset the dementia and seizures, he then takes furniture from Gram's house for his/her TV 2 bedroom suites and God knows what else (they both robbed the poor woman in her darkest hour). Now they're both pissed because they get nothing and could care less that their mother is happy, healthy and relatively seizure free with us. Now the son wants the trailer transferred to his name (still paying on loan), the daughter wants the house and I can see this turning into a hot mess. Mind you, I do not get paid for her care. We pay the bills, except her car payment, health and life insurance, which is not enugh to even cover her burial, so we will foot tht bill too, I imagine. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm sick to think the people who used her and could care less about her wellbeing could take it all from her grandson after we made our life about her because she's like his mother.
Still it would be a very good idea - critical really - that you and hubby take gram to an attorney and set up a legal caregiver contract. If gram runs out of money and needs medical care and/or the round the clock care a Skilled Nursing Facility- a nursing home- can provide, having that contact in place to account for money spent will be necessary for qualifying for Medicaid. It would also be important that gram makes you and/or hubby medical and financial POA - assuming she is still cognizant enough to do so.
Going to an attorney can be a pain in the butt and costly - although if you dig a bit or ask a senior service agency for some referrals, often low cost attorney are available for the elderly - but back to my point, which is important- don't just sit around passively waiting for grams kids to determine your future. Take control yourself. Seeing an attorney in this messed up situation will be money very well spent.
I think you and your husband had better take legal advice, possibly including applications for guardianship. I'm not saying do it, just find out about it. And make a plan about where you're going to live and what the options for grandma's care might be.
I hope you won't need another plan. It would be great if this could all be sorted and everyone reconciled and your G-MIL happy at last. I just wouldn't count on it. Get advice.
Um. I'm just wondering. How long did the previous attempts last? - grandma living with her daughter, the Great Mobile Home Fiasco?
The thing is. What you have there is two people who have tried and failed to take care of grandma; and I'm just saying, if it were me, that would give me pause.
I mean, it could be that they're grasping and greedy and just out for what they could get. Or it could be that once the honeymoon period was over and the workload started getting out of hand...
Also, the length of time spent with the daughter is important; because as I'm sure you're finding out $50K doesn't actually go that far.
All I mean is, rather than jump to any conclusions, and especially as you're not getting paid for this and you're footing most of the bills... Maybe just have a good look at the budget and make sure this all makes sense. There could be reasons why the others feel "owed."