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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Those benign hallucinations are fascinating , yet scary. I still remember my Mother believing that the fire hydrants outside her complex were little people who were going to get in her condo and rob and hurt her. She too was afterwards diagnosed with a UTI. She passed away from vascular dementia and Alzheimer's combined. She died in 1997 at the age of 75 after 10 years of progressing symptoms .
My mom "hears people talking" and "sees many people" all the time. It usually happens in the early hours of the morning so you can believe I'll say anything to appease her so I can go back to sleep (if I can). There is no such thing as not lying to these people - you say things that will keep them calm.
My husband has Lewy Body Dementia. He doesn't have visual hallucinations, but sometimes thinks he hears things. However, he is very sensitive and often thinks I'm angry or upset. He will also say I'm yelling, when I am just speaking louder because he says he can't hear me. If I apply pressure to his back to get him to move, when he seems "stuck" in place, he says I have pushed him. I've read that problems with perception are part of the disease, so I think that is why he misreads my facial expression, the volume of my voice, and the amount of pressure vs push. He also has trouble judging speed and distance, which is one of the many reasons he doesn't drive anymore. When I try to explain the differences, I can tell that he doesn't understand. So in my experience apologizing and explaining don't really help, though it may help us feel better. At least we tried.
I should have made my original post a little clearer. Yes, my husband was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia about 5 years ago. I have had no problem with dealing with him seeing things that aren't there - yesterday it was blue jays in the kitchen. I just had a hard time trying to think of the right response when he was so sure that I was mad at him because I didn't answer (when I wasn't even in the same room). I also hated to see him so sad about it. I appreciate the positive suggestions.
oops, should be "judging me" looks like Ive had one too many....................................cups of coffee that is............................:-) LOL W
But if you really want a quick end to it, get a divorce. IDK;_) W I know, I know, Im as callous as ever but you must read my circumstances before juding me. Good day! :-) W
Glee, I read your profile and noticed your husband has already been diagnosed, yes? My first impression is the same as JeanneGibbs. Say whatever to let him think you were distracted or didn't hear him. It really doesn't matter, because honestly, it will get worse, so do all the talking you can with him responding now! Also, this can happen to anyone. I find myself saying something to my husband and he has left the room. He is hard of hearing. Yes, I am very patient with him because we have several years to go and no sense getting impatient yet:) I just hunt him down and repeat myself. Finish the sentence, finish the thought, complete the momentary communication. You will be thankful one day. I recommend journaling some of your more interesting exchanges. You can refer to them when you are the one doing all the talking, and you can use it as subject matter. I say this as it is what I have experienced with my Mother. When I am talking to her I remind her of incidents that perhaps she can remember. Who knows? Sometimes she responds with a big YES! It is all she can do to get one word out. Yesterday, for Mother's Day, she tried to smile. To me, that was huge. Take care, Dear One, and savor every moment:) xo
Get him to a doctor to diagnose the hallucinations. It could be a mental illness, dementia or something else. In any event, do not take his accusations to heart. He is ill and you can be patient and understanding.
Are you staying on top of his physical health? Kidney function can increase hallucinations. Perhaps discuss how to handle this with his physician. Medication adjustments might be inorder. Care for your own physical and mental health. Are you getting respite from caregiving? Are you physically and emotionally safe and secure? You have to put your own oxygen mask on first in order to successfully care for your husband.
"Oh, honey, I'm not made at you at all! I'm sorry I didn't hear you. My mind must have been a million miles away."
"I've been out of the room for a while. Do you think maybe you dreamed I was here? I assure you, if I had been here I would have talked to you. I love you very much and I'm not mad at you!"
"I wish I could be with you all the time. I love you very much. Sometimes I have to be in a different room for a little while. That doesn't mean I'm mad at you."
"I'm so sorry that it felt to you like I was deliberately not talking to you. I makes me sad that you are are sad. I am not mad. I love you very much and I'm sorry for this misunderstanding."
In this case I would not agree with the hallucination or delusion -- I wouldn't say "Yes, I was mad." But I would try to reassure him of your love, without blatantly accusing him of seeing things.
When we said "for better and for worse," who ever could have had this kind of thing in mind?!
Kudos to you for trying to figure out how to handle this. And let us know if you come up with something that works for you. We learn from each other.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Also, this can happen to anyone. I find myself saying something to my husband and he has left the room. He is hard of hearing. Yes, I am very patient with him because we have several years to go and no sense getting impatient yet:) I just hunt him down and repeat myself. Finish the sentence, finish the thought, complete the momentary communication. You will be thankful one day.
I recommend journaling some of your more interesting exchanges. You can refer to them when you are the one doing all the talking, and you can use it as subject matter. I say this as it is what I have experienced with my Mother. When I am talking to her I remind her of incidents that perhaps she can remember. Who knows? Sometimes she responds with a big YES! It is all she can do to get one word out. Yesterday, for Mother's Day, she tried to smile. To me, that was huge.
Take care, Dear One, and savor every moment:) xo
"I've been out of the room for a while. Do you think maybe you dreamed I was here? I assure you, if I had been here I would have talked to you. I love you very much and I'm not mad at you!"
"I wish I could be with you all the time. I love you very much. Sometimes I have to be in a different room for a little while. That doesn't mean I'm mad at you."
"I'm so sorry that it felt to you like I was deliberately not talking to you. I makes me sad that you are are sad. I am not mad. I love you very much and I'm sorry for this misunderstanding."
In this case I would not agree with the hallucination or delusion -- I wouldn't say "Yes, I was mad." But I would try to reassure him of your love, without blatantly accusing him of seeing things.
When we said "for better and for worse," who ever could have had this kind of thing in mind?!
Kudos to you for trying to figure out how to handle this. And let us know if you come up with something that works for you. We learn from each other.