My husband is 71 yrs old has been diagnosed with dementia since 2016, has vertigo, showing symptoms of Parkinsons and is going to physical therapy to assist him with dysfunctional walking, sitting, stepping, etc.. His thought process is very slow, as is his reactions physical and mental to making decisions. He wants to drive, it is totally unsafe for him to be behind the wheel, for him and anyone else on the street or near the street. He argues with me about it all the time and says April 1 "I am going to drive". I don't know what to do. Can his PCP contact the DPS? If I do it our home life will be worse than it is today, he will never forgive me.
Trapped in Texas
The person with ALZ/dementia simply will not remember that they can't drive anymore, or why they can't, or care. Period. Does not matter how many times you tell them, how many times you may show them whatever piece of paper you can get that clearly states they can't drive anymore, for whatever reason, or which agency/authority issues it. You can even have a nice policeman come to visit to talk to them (we tried that too)!
It is simply pointless. There will usually be absolutely no recollection of any kind of issue or restriction with their driving, and if you try to explain otherwise, or show a nice official-looking document, it's a fight that is promptly forgotten anyway, and then you're right back to the beginning. You're the liar, they know what they're doing, etc., so save yourself the struggle that WILL ensue, no matter what form it takes. Here are the steps to take to solve this problem:
1. Hide keys/Disable, then sell car.
2. Lie. Say whatever you have to, you can change the story every day, it won't matter. Sound mean? It's not.
3. Feel NO GUILT WHATSOEVER. You have just saved at least one life, probably several more. If anything, you can feel like a hero, because you are.
4. Review steps 1-3.
I don't mean to sound flippant or disrespectful, but this is way too important to worry about how they might feel about the loss of their independence, or what they'll say when told they can't drive. This is LIFE or DEATH, and I have been here and found out the hard way what can happen if you don't step in and end this foolishness of even considering letting them continue to drive, or, in our case, not making sure beyond the shadow of a doubt that they cannot get into or start the car once you get to the point where their driving is no longer an option.
We had to finally hide the keys from my dad with ALZ. He had a 3rd keyless-entry/ignition fob that none of us knew about. We'd already been going through the battle of trying to explain to him why he couldn't drive anymore, he was totally uninterested in that. He can't remember that he has ALZ, that he hadn't driven in 2 years, or any of the incidents that led up to cessation of driving privileges. Remember that- driving is a privilege, not a right. We had the doc tell him he couldn't drive anymore, you should've heard the language and insults hurled at the doc from this man who abhorred foul language while he was still himself. We'd hidden all the keys, or so we thought, but he had another keyless entry fob stashed somewhere that he found. Long story short, he was able to slip out, get into and start the car, and he was off to the races. Disappeared for 2 days, had to put out a silver alert. Was found by the police in his vehicle, out of gas, hungry, bewildered, on side of road 3 states away. Sold the car quick after that! We were blessed with a good outcome, not everyone is.
Don't let this, or worse, happen to your family or to an innocent party that might be injured or killed by someone who has no business driving. If getting rid of the car isn't an option, listen to the poster who mentioned a kill switch. You have to take matters into your own hands. It's really frustrating, and my heart goes out to you. I have been here, and still have to revisit. At this point, I am able to just tell him "You don't drive anymore", and he just nods and accepts it. It took a while to get here. Stay strong. Good luck.
He did however find the keys once and drove. I reported it to the police I had cancelled the credit card and was told by the police that I probably should not have done that as it could have made finding him easier. (He did not use the credit card anyway)
Do hide the keys, I have a small safe that I kept them in if they were not attached to me. (I keep the keys on a clip that I clip to a belt loop)
The facilitator at a support group I attend had a mechanic put a shut off switch under the dash on the car so her husband could not get the car started even if he got hold of the keys.
I also changed the touch pad on the inside of the garage to a pad that you have to enter a code into in order to open the door so he could not just hit the up pad to get out that way. And I kept the remote that is usually kept in the car with the keys in the safe so he could not open the car and get out by opening the garage. Or there were times I would leave the remote in the car but lock the car while it was in the garage.
I just figured I had to keep at least 2 steps ahead of him. Made for some interesting days!
I called about my dad in AZ and NV and was told I could report but I needed a doctor's signature to get the process rolling. I was told it is always confidential reporting.
Good luck, I know how scary this is.
www.dps.texas.gov/DriverLicense/MedicalRevocation.htm
Scroll to the bottom of the page to the heading: Report Concerns of Unsafe Drivers
I hope this helps! You are doing the right thing.
If their are not clear laws about reporting, you could still warn them about liability concerns - I would document that I tried to get husband off the road, talked to docs, etc. and had no success. I think a jury would come down hard on doctors ignoring this responsibility if he caused an accident. Which is almost certain to happen. But this is so serious morally I would just do whatever I had to - if he got nasty about it? I'd just get nasty back. Too serious to worry about his feeling.
If a doctor won't contact DMV then you do it. Ask if they will give DH a driving test. You can tell husband the State requires it for him to continue to drive. If its found he can't and he drives his own car, then get rid of it. Do not allow it to sit at your home. If he insists on driving, tell him he is not allowed to drive your car. Keep ur keys where u can get to them, he can't and keep your car locked.