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I too am assuming Dad passed. If he left a Will he also assigned an Executor. That Executor abides by the Will and must prove to Probate that they have. He writes each beneficiary and provides a copy of the Will. The original is filed with probate and becomes public. All outstanding debts get paid first and an accting done. Once each beneficiary signs the accting, the estate is distributed.
If no Will, someone is assigned Administrator by Probate. This person carries out the same responsibilities an executor only the State determines who inherits.
As said Dad should have paperwork signed if he was giving loans out. If he didn't may have to consider them as gifts. He could have mentioned them in his Will naming the amounts not paid back and that amount is to be deducted from their share of the inheritance.
As your FIL was on hospice I am assuming he is now dead. I don't understand what you mean about bickering about money. Money passes according to the dictates of your FIL's will. If he had no will they pass by state law. State law doesn't say that you can either forgive old loans or pay for past services in which there was no agreement for pay nor any contract verbal or written. So, no you can't. You can only get paid at the time you make an agreement while agreeing to do the work, as with all "jobs". You had no such agreement and you did the work willingly for free, and now it is too late.
If the inter-family loans were never put in writing and signed, I'd be very careful about how his finances are being moved and managed. Undocumented "arrangements" and transactions (or unsupported cash-based transactions) can appear as "gifting" by Medicaid. Many states have a 5-year "look back" on the Medicaid app and gifting above certain amounts can delay or disqualify him. Your family needs to preserve his ability to qualify.
Charging for after-the-fact caregiving... I think your FIL should have created a written contract, dated and signed outlining the rate and duration (or his FPoA if FIL is incapacitated). All transactions need to be thoroughly documented with an obvious "paper trail" of payments. I would consult with both a certified elder law/estate planning attorney and a Medicaid Planner for FIL's state. Participants on this global forum aren't experts in this so be very careful about getting legal and accounting advice from here. There's no accountability if someone gives you erroneous advice. Here's a helpful article from this forum:
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If no Will, someone is assigned Administrator by Probate. This person carries out the same responsibilities an executor only the State determines who inherits.
As said Dad should have paperwork signed if he was giving loans out. If he didn't may have to consider them as gifts. He could have mentioned them in his Will naming the amounts not paid back and that amount is to be deducted from their share of the inheritance.
Let them fight it out. Just stand back.
I don't understand what you mean about bickering about money. Money passes according to the dictates of your FIL's will. If he had no will they pass by state law. State law doesn't say that you can either forgive old loans or pay for past services in which there was no agreement for pay nor any contract verbal or written.
So, no you can't. You can only get paid at the time you make an agreement while agreeing to do the work, as with all "jobs". You had no such agreement and you did the work willingly for free, and now it is too late.
Charging for after-the-fact caregiving... I think your FIL should have created a written contract, dated and signed outlining the rate and duration (or his FPoA if FIL is incapacitated). All transactions need to be thoroughly documented with an obvious "paper trail" of payments. I would consult with both a certified elder law/estate planning attorney and a Medicaid Planner for FIL's state. Participants on this global forum aren't experts in this so be very careful about getting legal and accounting advice from here. There's no accountability if someone gives you erroneous advice. Here's a helpful article from this forum:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-paid-for-being-a-caregiver-135476.htm