My Dad lives in his home - My two older Sons who both work full-time live there with him. I go there every day to care for Dad while everyone is at work. Now my husband has been diagnosed with what they say is a terminal illness - multi-organ (heart, liver, kidney) failure. I'm worn out! I need to move one of them so that I can care for both together in the same home. It's going to be hard for either one to move from their own space, so I'm seeking advice from those that have had similar situations. What did you do, and how did it work out? Thank you all!
PLEASE get rid of the idea that a fall can be stopped. That is putting 2 people at risk of serious injury.
Get dad a life alert with fall detection to wear. This will get him the assistance he needs in the event he takes a tumble.
If it's because he doesn't have the executive function to assess risk and ability then he has more needs then you have stated.
What does your husband want?
Your father even told you to take care of your husband.
You say that you don’t have money for outside help. Please utilize Medicaid for your father.
Have you set up hospice for your husband? Research providers and take advantage of their services.
Wishing you peace as you continue on your challenging caregiving journey.
A big hug from me. I wish you all the best.
You should not be expected to do all that you are doing.
If dad can manage on his own why are you going daily to care for him? What kind of care does he need that requires you daily?
Dad can hire caregivers if he needs care while your sons are at work.
Or dad can move into Assisted Living if that level of care is appropriate for him.
You need to contact Hospice for your husband. You will get help a few days a week from a CNA that will come in and help with a both or shower and order supplies. A Nurse will come 1 time a week, more often if needed. And you will get equipment as needed to make caring for your husband easier. AND you should consider getting caregivers for your husband as well. They can help you by either giving you a break or just by helping you around the house that helps in many ways.
To move your dad in with you and your husband to care for him will be difficult. You need time and space to not have to be caring for 2 people.
But if this is the choice you have to make though you move the one to the house that has the most advantages for SAFE care. If they both have stairs, narrow halls, carpeting neither will make it easy to care for them.
The ideal thing would be move your dad to AL so someone else can care for him. (or Memory Care or Skilled Nursing if those are more appropriate)
I'm so sorry.
And like others have said, your husband should come before your dad. And if dad doesn't have enough money(like you stated in your response below)for his care or a facility, then he will have to apply for Medicaid.
I mean really??? Are you trying to die right along with the 2 of them by trying to care for them both?
Any of us that have been or are in the throes of caregiving can tell you that hands down it is the hardest job we have ever done in our lives, and that's with only one person to care for. And the fact that you're now wanting to take on 2 people to care for is in all honesty ridiculous.
And your dad certainly shouldn't expect you to care for him when you have your husband to be taking care of, as again he must come first.
So start the Medicaid process for your dad and then get him placed so you can try and enjoy whatever time you may have left with your husband.
Today's facilities are so different from ones in the past. Visit a few to see for yourself. Also, read the hundreds and hundreds of posts on this forum under the topic Caregiver Burnout. It's a real thing that happens to the most willing and "capable" of people.