I lost my Mom a few months ago to a horrible cancer and in the end she chose VSED. Under Palliative Care nurses' supervision I administered daily injections of anxiety medications so she could could die at her home. It was horrific. Now, my Dad has been left behind with Dementia and is losing his ability to talk and read. While he is living in a retirement home, I go daily to spend time with him, handle his mail, keep him socializing, supplement his meals (he has lost his appetite and thirst), and take him for outings. When I get home, I just want to flop down like a zombie. Everyone keeps telling me to 'take care of myself'. If I hear that one more time, I am going to scream. I eat healthfully, take supplements and medications, walk, take scented baths, and try to read (the same paragraph 50 times). I don't seem to have any motivation to do anything else but just try to keep existing. Very little brings me joy anymore. Am I being too hard on myself? Suggestions?
Make an appointment with your doctor. They can give you a mental health referral. It can help to talk with a therapist and work through your grief and depression with one. Everyone needs someone to talk to and sometimes a therapist is the only person there is who can understand. You might even benefit from some medication even if it's temporary.
The people on this forum are for the most part very understanding, supportive, and want to help because all of us know what it's like to have been a caregiver.
I'm happy you're reaching out here. That's a step in the right direction. Be easy on yourself and take your time. Take some time for yourself.
I would seek help. For counseling in these situations often a Certified Licensed Social Worker in private practice for counseling is the best choice as they are specially trained in life transitions.
I wish you the best. We often follow the same path like a mill stone pony, pulling our burden in the same endless circles. It is hard to take a new path forward for ourselves because as unsatisfactory as the one we are currently on may be, the new path represents the unknown, hence a lot of anxiety and fear.
You aren't alone and this isn't your fault. It is a natural progression of the path you have been on. I sure do wish you the best going forward, but do consider a professional. We can sympathize, but we aren't trained to help you at all.