I think she’s just lonely. I feel bad for her and worry about her all the time. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can not worry about her so much? Should I be doing more for her? I get her groceries, medications, cook for her at least once a week and pick food up for her, and take her to all of her appointments. I see her several times a week, but it doesn’t seem to be enough.
I don't do as much as you do, although I rarely escape a day without speaking to her at least once. Sometimes I get groceries and/or prescriptions for her - depending on how she feels. I have to take her to about 50% of her medical appointments and there are many. I don't cook for her or clean for her as those are things I don't even have time to do at my own house. I run a small business and work 6 to 6.5 days a week so I am extremely time-crunched every single day of my life.
Being that my mom is only 77, I try very hard to do as little as possible for her to try to force some level of independence on her part. She's been a significant problem since she turned 70, and her own mother lived to be 95 or 96, so I have known I am probably in for a long haul here.
I have told my mother several times that I am not going to be responsible for her happiness. It's sad but I have had to say some very cruel things to fight for my space and keep her from smothering me. I am an only child. The relationship between mom and my husband is no longer good because of all that's happened. My mom has no friends and has spent her life pushing away all family. She has backed her own self into a corner. It's not my fault!
My relationship with my mom is complicated and I don’t get along very well with her, but even if I did (as I hope you do with your mom) we as daughters can’t be a substitute social life for our parents. When you really think about it the idea is absurd and they shouldn’t expect that from us.
Maybe stop seeing your mother so much and that may force her to at least give the senior center or something like Visiting Angels a try?
We recently placed my 94 yo mother in AL, she fought us tooth and nail for years to stay in her home, we waited finally she has a slight stroke, then she started having panic attacks. so my brother and I jumped and she is now in a facility near us. We thought she would hate it, she loves it, has made new friends, joins activities, takes the shuttle to shop.
Worrying isn't going to help one bit, how about devising a plan? Senior Day Care? Community Centers that offer activities or look into AL. Or, a service like Visiting Angels to visit her a few times a week?