We're living in their house, I help with the cleaning, taking out the garbage, picking up prescriptions for her or groceries and much more. I do want help because I’m thankful for the roof they provide for us, we pay bills, do house chores but I don’t have will to help with that. I feel I don’t belong doing that as a daughter in law I find it uncomfortable, he's naked and not a comfortable situation for me. Plus me and her we don’t make a good team I have tried many times she gets stressed and start yelling, it makes me nervous. I understand she is 83 and has hip pain and she is 24/7 taking care of him their family doesn’t come around. Sometimes she makes me feel she is taking advantage of me because I live here she always says you guys are the ones that live here! That plus she is so good to my husband ex Gf that never comes see them or help and to other people that don’t do anything and with me that has wipe her tears more than once is a cold shoulder ! I know you do things without expecting nothing in return but she is very hateful to me! It’s a nurse that comes 5 days at week only comes for a hour. Some days I don’t want see my husband because of this because he doesn’t do nothing about it. Thank you I need an advice with this situation
She's said things out line like I have no brain and boss me around I need to find the right words to tell my husband Without hurt his feelings I can’t take no more I feel unhappy I confess I already dislike her and I feel bad because I was teach to have respect for the elderly but her attitude makes it hard for me.
and
"I’m a Mother recently married living with my in laws, I’m from another country doing here has been a big challenge"
How did you and your H come to live with your in-laws? Was your H living with them before you two got married?
What do you see in your future? Do you think you and your H could move out? If living with them is going to be your future, then I'd seriously consider if you want to stay in this situation.
Where is your husband when all this is happening?
Why are you living with his parents?
Do you work outside the home?
You are allowed to walk away from your MIL the moment she is rude yo you. She says something nasty, demeaning, cruel, you walk away. Leave the house if possible.
How soon after your marriage did these expectations start? Did your husband marry you to be his wife or his mother’s helper and Dad’s care provider?
Seek some therapy and read some books on setting boundaries.
1. Learn to do it properly.
2. Refuse.
3. Resent it, get bullied into it, and do it badly.
3. is far and away the worst option, worst for you, your MIL and her disabled husband; but unfortunately that seems to be the option you've gone for so far.
How would it hurt your husband's feelings for you to tell him that you feel very uncomfortable participating in his stepfather's intimate personal care?
And how do you expect him to do something about it if you don't tell him how you feel?
Your MIL is 83, in pain, and coping 24/7 with her husband's care. I agree that it isn't right and it isn't helpful for her to treat you badly, but at the same time it wouldn't be surprising if her patience has worn thin - and unfortunately she takes it out on the nearest person, which is you.
Leaving your stepfather out of it for a moment: how do you feel about the whole issue of providing personal care for adults? Is this something you think you might ever be able to do?
You, nor anyone else deserves to be talked to the way your mother-in-law is talking to you. Please don't take it any more!!! You deserve much better!!!