It breaks my heart & she spends the entire time making me feel guilty.
My mother has been so mean to me over the last years & didn't want to spend much time with me. Now - I had to move her into assisted living as she was turning off her a/c in 115 deg Phoenix weather & turning on her heater. I had no choice but she is not happy & continues to tell me she is moving back to our home town in Texas. She can't walk & hasn't driven in over a year and continues to tell me I won't ever let her do what she wants. After about 30-45 minutes - I'm jumping out of my skin & doing everything to get out of the place. Everyone is very nice there & the place is very clean. As my sister continues to remind me - mom has never been happy with anything or anyone - I need to let it go!
Their is a big difference between nursing homes and foster homes. Foster homes are usually for children who are either orphans or who have been removed from unhealthy family dynamics. Nursing homes are for people who need 24/7 care that is beyond the ability of one person to do.
Rainmom's mother is in an assisted living place which is quite difference than a nursing home.
Anyhow, this is a place for support and not for being judgmental and offensive. .
Briefly - TL has NO idea what she is talking about. My MIL will be moving to a Memory Care facility nexty month, after spending the last 15 months with us. She is now at the point that we can no longer provide the level of care or stimulation she needs. Thus, we researched and visited a half dozen facilities (and would have seen more if needed). Interestingly, we were surprised and dismayed to find that the 3 Catholic ones were at the BOTTOM of our list for what we would consider quality care. I was also very surprised to find that a for-profit facility was, in our educated opinions, better than any of the non-profit facilities we looked at.
Several years ago, the NY Times ran an article about "toxic parents". There were hundreds of comments - many would make anyone cry. TL must have blinders on not to know that there are parents who should never have had children. Seriously.
Finally - only a very selfish parent would INSIST that their adult child - hopefully with a happy and successful life of their own - would sacrifice YEARS of it to care for them. I deeply hope that TL's daughter will make the right choice for herself, her children, and her marriage/adult relationship - as well as her own financial future - when the time comes.
See All Answers