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When you bring people in to help YOU (AND him), don't introduce them as caregivers, introduce them as friends who came to visit. Once they're there, don't plan on going out the first 4 or 5 days, just let them help you around the house, also sit down, have a cup of tea or coffee, a visit, a gentle chat, so that your LO can get used to their presence with only occasional interface.

Then, for a couple of weeks, don't plan on any long outings. Start with only 10 or 15 minutes to determine the reaction. You leaving may produce tension, so the first couple of times, don't even go away. Just sit in the car and let the helper call you if you need to come back quickly. It's the same kind of conditioning you do with a dog who gets separation anxiety.

To observe behavior, you can get a motion/voice-activated nanny cam (disguised to look like a clock or a knick knack) for under $100 that records and will download any exchanges into your computer. Be sure to let the caregiver, but not the LO, know of its existence.

For many folks, the problem of payment often becomes financial. Unless you have LTC in-home insurance or qualify for VA Aid & Attendance (if your LO was a war-time veteran), gov't programs don't pay for most in-home assistance. That's why we end up being required to place our LOs in long-term care in order to receive financial assistance.

You already know what it's like to be a hands-on nurse/caretaker. Be assured that when you place a LO, you will still have all of the advocacy and management responsibilities, just not the 24-hour physical care. Once placed, it may happen quickly or it may take 6 months, or it may never happen, but they do get used to it at some level - - as you likely know, it's called "settling in".

There are professionals who can evaluate a patient's level of need. Unfortunately, the family caregivers' ability to caretake are generally not considered during those evaluations - - so you have to be really honest with yourself.

Don't base your decision on how much you THINK you CAN handle - - base it on how much you actually ARE handling. In actuality, a high percentage of caregivers die before the patient. At that point, the caregiver never had a life, but the patient continues being taken care of, typically in a facility, which is the very thing the caregiver died to avoid.
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WilliMartin Dec 2020
“Don't base your decision on how much you THINK you CAN handle - - base it on how much you actually ARE handling. In actuality, a high percentage of caregivers die before the patient. At that point, the caregiver never had a life, but the patient continues being taken care of, typically in a facility, which is the very thing the caregiver died to avoid.” Absolutely right on this. Thank you❤️
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Have you talked to his doctor? He may be suffering depression. It sounds like he has reverted to his childhood and sees you as his mom and may require therapy.

There is a possibility he may have the beginnings of Alzheimer's disease. When mom first got it 15 years before she died, her first real symptoms was a change in her personality. She lost interest in everything. I would take her shopping and all she wanted to do is sit and say she wanted to go home. She would sit for hours on end at home, and I really had to get on her to keep moving. She used to enjoy flea markets and consignment shops. No interest. Nothing. She just wanted to sit and go home. Her last five years were the worst--wandering, to the point she required 24/7 supervision. She eventually needed diapers and I had to manage everything including her bowels. If she did not poo, the fourth day she would be impacted. So I had to keep her on a strict bowel schedule. Her bowels were the worst part of her care. It was very stressful. Since she had kidney disease I used lactulose since I could not use milk of magnesia or any kind of phosphate-based laxative. Lactulose worked great on her and is kidney friendly.

But mom lived to be 90 despite her insulin-dependent diabetes, untreatable high cholesterol (she had liver issues so I could not put her on any kind of statins, and she could not describe bad side effects due to her Alzheimer's disease), and it was NOT her Alzheimer's that killed her, but other diseases -- she suffered chronic kidney disease for over a decade. She ended up with a feeding tube which took a LOT of work, but I never had a problem with it and it prevented her from dying of dehydration. She lived very comfortably until the end and with two years of hospice not once had we ever had to give her anything--no psychotropics or narcotics. She never needed it.

What I suggest you do is get your affairs in order while you can. Will, POA, estate planning, and if your name is not on his bank account, get it on there. Discuss advanced directives. And pre-planned funeral.
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You have normal feelings. I can't imagine what my life would be like if I were caretaking for my husband instead of my father.
You really need a support group on a regular basis. Contact your local senior center and see if you can join a group, even if they meet by zoom only right now.
I joined 2 groups, they truly helped. What you are experiencing is called "ambigious loss". Study that term some, you might already know about it from nursing.
You have normal feelings.
If life gets too much, consider placing your husband in assisted living or get some outside help. I suggest companies like, Visiting Angels. I use Comfort Keepers where I live. They watch dad and I get away for the day. I scheduled with them for one day per week all summer and spent time in nature. You must self care. Venting is good, but prayer is better. Seek solice in God too. Best to you.
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Remind yourself of Kubler-Ross stages of grief since it appears you are deep into the anger stage. It makes sense that you feel cheated out of your expected retirement: travel, return to "honeymoon stages" of your relationship... all the fun and novelty you appear to want is now reduced to daily consistency of caring for your husband. It appears that that you also have a bit of cabin fever as well COVID-19 is doing that to all of us.

If your hubby has dementia, and most likely does, he thrives in a atmosphere of consistency. He also needs to activities to do during the day or he resorts to rearranging his things. You appear to need to get out of the house regularly and have new experiences. The grind of the consistent routine is burning you out.

May I suggest that you get help to come into your home to help with your husband. Ask family, friends, members of faith community, and paid help to "sit" with your husband while you get out. May I suggest that you take a girlfriend or 2 with you on these outings. It won't be the same as the "couple adventures" you were expecting at this stage of life. However, you will be able to enjoy some spontaneity and outings with people you care for.
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ClauChar Dec 2020
My husband has late stage PD, and 6 years ago, when I didn't know and understand what was going on with him, he used to rearrange our furniture every night. He was even turning the tables upside down, and I was scared he might fall on them and hurt himself. It went on until I removed most furniture and put others around the wall where he would not see them. My husband was my rock, and I just was desperate when my rock was crumbling. We had all those plans with traveling during retirement, too, but didn't get to do much of it anymore. Now he is in a Memory Care Facility, and I am glad when I can go to see him or take him out to my apartment now and then. Covid puts a lot of stress on both of us like on everybody. I can relate to all the things that mudslidemary says, our difference just lies in the age: she's 12 years younger than her husband, I'm only one year younger, so we are both old: 81 and 80. I don't quite understand why I'm writing to you instead of the original writer. It just happened that I wanted to talk when I read your post. Thank you.
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Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. These are real feelings you are having, and feelings all of us caregivers share. Alzheimer's is the most frustrating disease. I feel like my mother acts dumb sometimes too. She complains, pouts and cries all day and nothing consoles her. I just want to scream, "Snap out of it!" I am trying Mental Imagery Techniques now, visualizing peace for my mother and for me, however God or the Universe decides to provide it. My sympathy and best wishes to you.
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Been there, done that, felt very much the same. When your in the middle of this, it is very hard and stressful. But when the end comes and it will, much sooner than twenty years, you will be surprised on how fast it actually went and have regrets. Soon you will only remember the good times and forget most of these dark days. Hang in there, it takes a very loving and caring person to do what you are doing. You have the strength and heart to do this.
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I’m sorry you are going through this. It really is the hardest thing in the world. I think you should really consider putting him in a facility. My mom tried to care for my dad once he developed Alzheimer’s, but it just got to be too much. The endless washing of poop stained clothes, the constant trying to get him to change his undergarments and his refusing, the constantly needing to check on him to make sure he hadn’t done something crazy like mowing the yard while driving around with the riding mower in circles, or better yet, walking naked outside and the anger, belittling, and name-calling just was too much.

Finally she and my brothers and I decided it was best he go to a nursing home. At first he fought it (most do naturally) but then he got to like it. He loved the attention from the young girls. He said how nice it was there. It was sad watching him decline and eventually forget his family, but it was the best decision we ever made.

You may not be ready to put your husband in a home yet, but I seriously hope and pray you consider it. You deserve some happiness and freedom yourself.
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It is very hard. Along with the very real practical and occupying issues of dealing with Alzheimer's, you may be suffering with grief. It always takes me that way. I am surprised how angry I get at the loss of the person I once knew. It is so very frustrating because the body is still there but the person you knew is no longer there. I think it is worse than a sudden death, (personally).
I think by the time the person dies I have done the grieving.
In your position it is very tough just now - covid exasperates everything but you need help for your sanity! The burden needs sharing. Start small and work your way towards where you will eventually need to go. You are struggling with the change as much as he is. Good luck!
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lindabf Dec 2020
Wiseowl’s description of grief is certainly something I experience in various depths as time goes on. The grief of finally understanding why he no longer participated actively in family events. The denial of trying a very challenging and time-intensive “treatment” that cost several thousand dollars and improved nothing except my understanding of what was [still] happening in his brain. The grief and anger of having to take him with me on every trip, which took a lot of the joy and spontaneity out of travel. The shame (and rage) when a family member berated me for not being nicer to him. The ‘aha’ of noticing that our 4-year-old granddaughter WAS being nice to him — just kept on sitting on his lap and “helping” him read books to her. The loss of our retirement and its “quality time”. Then again new waves of grief when he started struggling with buttons, putting kitchen items away in odd places, having no memory of what I had felt were meaningful problem-solving conversations, seeing offers of help as accusations of “weakness”, spilling food from dinner all over the floor, repeatedly accidentally knocking over glasses of red wine, losing his balance, expressing his anger and frustration through body language that felt like (but wasn’t) an accusation of me, the profound changes in our intimate life ... each new phase of deterioration can launch a new wave of grief. However, I finally REALLY “got” that this is a terminal disease for which there is not treatment. I eventually acknowledged to myself that I do still love and cherish the “him” he used to be and that helps me love and cherish whatever “him” shows up moment to moment wearing his face. It’s the disease I’m angry with - so we sometimes talk about it as a “third person” in our lives. “Ole Al” (for Alzheimer’s, of course) is really giving us a run for our money this morning, isn’t he? That takes the pressure of embarrassment off of him and also makes us partners in dealing with ole Al. I have finally reached a point of being more or less at peace with things — and that often is a precursor to another dramatic decline and the invitation to another wave of grief, anger, etc. So yes, what you are experiencing is normal and the causes of it don’t go away. I have struggled with whether I was able (or willing) to be compassionate despite my rage and sadness. It has taken a good bit of time for me to finally let the new waves of grief pass more quickly and move into a mode of anticipating, planning around, and solving the new problems each loss presents. I hope it lasts. Because I know there are things on the way (like bed-wetting, clothes-wetting, need for “Depends”, etc that will require more and more compassion for less and less return. I will someday need to bring in an outsider to help, but for now I am still able to find other ways to manage my “respite” activities - even if it’s just working at my desk and “imagining” that I am in a separate location with no interruptions. Works sometimes, unless it’s one of his “stalking” days where he follows me everywhere. I can tell you it takes all the “character” I have and more to remain peaceful and keep practicing an attitude of gratitude. Without the personal knowledge of the awesomeness of God’s love for me, I would be “basket case” material. So ... you are not alone, what you are doing is really hard, and this forum is exactly the right place to “vent” and get non-judgmental support. You are loved. Glad you’re here.
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I’m sorry you and your husband are going through this. If you’re not seeing a therapist, I would find one who specializes in geriatrics. It is helpful to be able to talk to someone and medication might also be helpful for you. It is a very hard journey and sad to know all of your future plans will never happen. My husband is in late stage under hospice care in a nursing home. He did live in a memory care facility for a while and loved it because he was with people. It kept him engaged, where being at home with a caregiver wasn’t stimulating enough (I was still working then.) best wishes.
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welcome to the worst job in the world. I have been dealing this for a few years myself. My husband also 84. I am 79. These past few years are not living. Constant stress. My husband cant even dress himself, he's eating almost non existent. and if he eats and drinks at the same time all food goes in glass. He was brilliant as well. On hospice now, but they said as long as he can walk a little everyday, he will be around as all other vitals are normal. He as an ostomy as well. I have to change urianary bag each week, now he rips it off sometimes. My kids com e for a few hours a week. Hospice nurse once a week. Trying to get someone to dress and bath him. It just isnt a life, but we are stuck with it. I try and find some joy each day. Can't leave house for long because he needs to to watched closely. My son watched him one day I came home from groceries and my husband pulled his urine bag off and was playing with it and urine all over couch. My son left him for a few minutes to get a sandwich. So the responsibility falls on my shoulders. Pay the bills, clean the house, take care of him. No free time even for a walk. Once I get more help I can relax a little because like you, I know this could go on for quite awhile. Its a sad ending. But we had a good life so no complaints. I went to a support group, but so depressing. It was of no help to me. But many say it helps them. I suggest get some help, social services can help on a sliding scale to get help for a few hours a day. I am trying that now. Try and get some support from friends, even just talking on phone or a quick cup of coffee. Ofcourse, people will walk away, expect that. They cant handle what is going on. They don't want a reminder of what could happen to them. Some friends will stick with you. You do need time for yourself. I get up early in morning so I have coffee in peace, pay bills online and just have quiet time. My husband doesn't sleep thru night even with sleeping pills, so alarm goes off 2 to 3 times at night. Sleep is a luxury for me. I nap when he naps. He is on drugs to calm him, that helps. Hospice provides them. I can only say there are many of us out there who feel alone. But there is always somebody who will be there for you. My friends who dont live nerby send me my favorite starbucks coffee pods, or cakes, just to cheer me up. My husband is quite content with his life, so that is good. He used to disbarr lawyers and every now and then he remarks about his old job and how the lawyers in our town were so afraid of him. So you see smart people get this disease there is no boundary. Stay focused and what you an. Do not eat yourself up if you aren't perfect, none of us are. We get frustrated at times as well. Our husbands are no longer our husbands, they are a loved one we take care of, we are caregivers now. I feel for you and I hope I helped a little.
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Barsenault60 Dec 2020
What incredible insight!!!

Covid has changed everything so most of us are isolated on two accounts now. I am blessed because I have a couple of friends that will let me vent and vent and vent until I’m finally able to get it out of my system and breathe with a little better perspective. They never try to advise me but instead let me get it off my chest. I’m wondering if getting a phone buddy would help OP emotionally, especially if that person was or had been on a similar path? Sometimes I just want to scream and I’m blessed to have a friend and a cousin who let me rip!
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Well....I'm not exactly in your situation. But I can understand where you are coming from. My Mom has Parkinsons. And in the space of 5 years she has been so reduced .. its painful to watch.

What helped my Dad and indeed helped us all, was getting a caregiver.

It was painful to see our Dad waste-away trying his best to take care of our Mum by himself (since non of us children live at home anymore).

Having a caregiver allows our Dad to go out more often to relax, destress and to clear his head. We try to do fun things with our Dad as often as we can to cheer him up.

Now that we have a caregiver, our Dad can now better enjoy the "few" moments when our Mom is lucid, and have normal conversations like they used to, without Dad having to worry about the next caregiving task to do.

I hope you catch my drift here. You and your daughters need to sit down and have a serious chat about getting a caregiver, so you can get some time to relax.

Hopefully your daughters don't find it to inconvinient to hang out with you a bit more.

It is a daunting task, but if the family unites in the struggle, it can be done.

PS....like I said, I have no spouse and I am rather young, so I don't know what its like to be elderly and see your spouse deteriorate. Just remember if frustrated you can always chat here.
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Hi MudslideMary,
Your post could have been written by me. My DH is 10 years older. He started showing signs of dementia about 6years ago. He was one of the smartest Criminal Investigators in Federal Service. He was an extremely artistic woodworker, carved carousel horses and rocking horses as a hobby. It breaks my heart to watch him muddle through day to day tasks. He needs help dressing, he won't eat unless I or the caregiver fixes something and puts it in front of him. He only wants to eat sweets and puts sugar in everything.
I was angry for a long time, because we saved for retirement so we could travel. Now, the money we saved goes to caregivers, and will eventually go to a MC facility.

Get a caregiver whether he likes it or not. You need some time to yourself, even if all you do is drive to a park and sit in your car. My hubby's caregiver is a Godsend. When he's in one of his ugly moods, she just ignored his attitude and goes about her business. It gives me a chance to just breathe without having to be responsible for anyone or anything.

Wishing you peace in your heart, I'm sending you a huge cyber hug!
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I could have written this EXACTLY about taking care of my mother. I feel angry and resentful that I have to take care of her.

She can barely dress herself and depends on me for everything. She has hallucinations and thinks that I am a man, a nurse, or "the other Andrea."

You should consider joining the Alzheimer's Dementia Caregiver's FB Support Group. It is a very supportive group where people VENT about anything and everything. That's where I go to vent, and they are not judgemental.
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BurntCaregiver Dec 2020
NinjaWarrior3, You should not be taking care of her if there's any way for you not to be. Is assisted living or a nursing home an option? Or live-in help so she can remain in the home? You don't deserve to have the good years of your own life used up being a servant to your mother. No one does.
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You are entitled to your own feelings and emotions. Do not apologize.
Get some help for your husband and start with a part time sitter. Tell him you need a housekeeper. Get as much help as you can because you need to go out even if its just a drive to the grocery store. Have some take out food delivered and anything else that helps you through the day. Talk with your husband's PCP about a social worker to find out what is available in your area. Medications may help with his anxiety too. Maybe you can visit your daughters if they live close by.
This is very hard and as you know anger is a normal reaction. I wish you health and peace.
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Dear "mudlsidemary,"

I've been overseeing my mom since 2004 when my dad died. She's 95 now and lives in an ALF in their memory care unit. Both my husband and I often say to each other "I don't know how we've come this far." And all I can say to that is we just take each day and issue as they come and try not to look too far ahead because anything can happen. My mom nearly died in April from severe dehydration and COVID along with bi-lateral pneumonia and a severe UTI. She's been on hospice since May and was released from their oversight at her facility on Friday - we could never have imagined any of it.

None of us are guaranteed another day so my suggestion is to try not to put the cart before the horse when it comes to just seeing this continuing for 20 more years. The majority of the time what we think will happen never does and we waste so much precious time living with that mindset.

Try not to feel so ashamed for feeling that way - those are your feelings right now; they aren't right or wrong. We all have those moments - feeling cheated regarding one thing or another and for you especially to have been a nurse where the Alzheimer's unit was the most unfavorable jobs to be placed in and now you find yourself living it. Perfectly understandable!

I wish you nothing but the best as you try to handle your role as a caregiver-
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Don't feel ashamed about how you feel. You have no reason to be ashamed and you'll find no judgements here. You need to bring in some outside help whether your husband wants it or not. Your whole life can't just be watching him and doing everything for him. You need to be able to have a life apart from caregiving. To go out and enjoy some socialization and interests without your husband. Please look into getting some homecare. It will help you both.
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mudslidemary Dec 2020
Thank you for your kind words. I know I need to have a life also, it is just so hard to face it I guess.
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I just posted a question before seeing your post. I am in the same situation. My husband is four years older than I am and I share the feelings you revealed. My husband, 77, was a professor at a prestigious university. He also was very mechanical. He could fix anything. Now he acts like a child...dependent, moody, clumsy, incapable. He is oblivious to his condition.

Please try not to berate yourself about your feelings. You’re entitled to them. We need to vent. Living with a spouse who has Alzheimer’s is probably the most challenging life event we’ll ever face and that includes the two cancers I survived. My father died of gastric cancer. My mother, now 98, cared for him and it was tough, but his illness lasted four months. I’ve been dealing with this for more than four years. I suppose we’ll be getting help at some point. Right now we can share our stress here.
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mudslidemary Dec 2020
Thank you, good advice. I will have to work on it for sure.
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For both of your sake please see a certified elder law attorney (www.nelf.org) and get the financial end of facility placement in place.

To many people suffer through caregiving and the deterioration of their own health for fear of losing everything and it is just not necessary.

A good attorney will help you understand how the money gets dealt with, ensure that you have enough to live and help with applications and resources if needed.

You matter as well as your husband, so he doesn't get to say no help for you. You need help with the day to day grind of caregiving, please seek it and implement it. I think that a housekeeper and a personal chef service are incredibly helpful for the caregiver and that is what you need, help for you, lest you fall ill.
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mudslidemary Dec 2020
I do plan to see an attorney after the holidays are over. I went to see one, but she was unable to help me with what I needed. I am looking for a elder law and medicaid planner. I will get it done.
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Sounds like you are overwhelmed for sure. And you're not alone. Caregiving for someone with any kind of mental decline can be exhausting, to say the least. If you are to continue to care for him in your home, then you must bring in some outside help, so you can get some time away, to do some fun things you enjoy and help your mind get renewed and refreshed. Without doing that, you won't survive the journey. You must take time for yourself on a regular basis. You'd be surprised how doing that will increase your patience, and compassion.

However, there does come a time for some, when placing their loved one in a facility is the best option for all involved. It does sound like you perhaps are at that point. You have to do what's best for you and your husband. There are no easy answers here. And only you can decide how much more you can take.

My husband, who had a massive stroke a year and a half after we were married,(he was 48 and I was 36), lost his ability to speak, read and write, and was paralyzed on his right side. We went through so many health hurdles over the years, including, seizures(with one he broke his hip, and had to have it replaced), essential tremors(in his only good arm/hand), incontinence, falling a lot, being diagnosed with vascular dementia, aspiration pneumonia(which almost killed him) getting sepsis and septic shock, and ending up completely bedridden for the last 22 months of his life, in our living room. It was a rollercoaster of a journey to say the least, and had it not been for my faith, family and friends, I could not have made it as long as I did. Did I do it perfectly? Of course not. I lost my patience too many times to count, but I did my best,(as that's all any of us can do), and I made sure that I was taking care of myself the best I could as well. My husband died Sept. 14th at the age of 72. I miss him everyday, and given a choice, I would do it all over again. Not because I like being on that kind of a rollercoaster, but because he and our love was worth it.

Praying for God's peace in whatever choice you make.
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mudslidemary Dec 2020
Yes, God can help for sure. I pray at home, not ready to attend regular church yet due to Covid. I do my best also, I know that, but it his very hard as you know.
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Dear Mary,
Your story is one that many of us have lived. Feeling angry, stressed, cheated, ashamed, resentful are all emotions we've experienced at some time or another, often at the same time. My wife and I were married for 52 yrs also before I lost her to this insidious disease. Your husband might live another 20 yrs even with his AD because of his family's longevity but you won't. When resentment sets in so does insensitivity to your husband's needs. It's time to look for a care facility. He won't accept that idea, few ever do. It's very, very hard to make that decision but you must. With your experience in an AD unit, you'll know what to look for.

Too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart-
William Yeats
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lealonnie1 Dec 2020
Love that quote! True too.
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You have nothing to feel ashamed about, unless being human is a reason for shame.

I worked as a receptionist in a Memory Care Assisted Living community before the plague hit. We had many intelligent men and women residing there.....doctors, lawyers, engineers. Alzheimer's and dementia is an equal opportunity disease. It doesn't differentiate between intelligence, economic status, or anything else for that matter. It turns the sweetest people into angry, violent screamers who bear no resemblance to who they once were. It robs families of their mother's, father's, husband's, wives, brothers and sisters. It tears everyone apart and leaves a giant hole where there was once harmony and togetherness.

For that reason, placement often becomes a necessity for many. Before the caregiver is full of rage and depression herself and in need of medication and therapy just to get out of bed in the morning. You are trying to do yourself what 3 teams of round the clock care givers do in a Memory Care community.

While working at the Memory Care, I visited daily with lots of wives in your very shoes who reached a point where they could no longer do it alone at home, and placement was the only option. They'd frequently visit and take their husband out for lunch or dinner, and it wound up working out fine.

Look around at some Memory Care ALFs in your area and get your ducks lined up for after the plague lifts. That will give you time and something to plan for, and hope for YOUR future. There is no shame in placing a loved one.......I did it with my parents in 2014 and would do it again in a heartbeat. My mother is well cared for in her Memory Care ALF and she's 94 next month. Dad passed in 2015 but was well cared for in the ALF as well. I'd never be able or willing to do THAT level of care giving in my home for any elders. It's not something I'm capable of or interested in.....and that's fine.

I hope you can keep in mind that Alz/dementia is a disease that affects EVERYONE, not just your husband. We sometimes get so caught up in worrying about THEM that we forget about OURSELVES. That we matter too.....that our lives are equally important and should not be totally sacrificed for anyone or anything. Not when other good options for care exist.

Wishing you the best of luck in a tough situation. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace, too.
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mudslidemary Dec 2020
Thank you
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Hello. We have so many things in common. My husband was very intelligent also and I loved that about him. When he began to decline mentally, I too thought that he was acting sometimes. I got angry a lot too and I have whipped myself mentally for it. He died a few days ago, much quicker than I thought he would and I miss him so much. He had to be changed and it had gotten to where I fed him every meal and did everything for him and sometimes I didn't know how long I could continue. And during this time of Covid, I found out that some programs I would have qualified for were not available anymore. I began to pray about it because I felt sometimes like I couldn't just keep doing everything everyday. I asked God to help me and some things began to happen that were a help, even within my own family. It was still rough though. But now I regret that I didn't savor every minute with him because he's gone and it's too late and I can't go back. I'm sorry you're going through this too.
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Daughterof1930 Dec 2020
I’m sorry for your loss. Your husband was blessed to have you walk such a hard road with him. I wish you peace and comfort
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Put him in a facility, for your own sanity. It will likely happen eventually anyway, given how long he may live. Why delay things?
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mudslidemary Dec 2020
Not ready for that. I know that it will come eventually, I need to do some planning before that happens.
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I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this situation.

I don’t have first hand experience with ALZ disease with a husband. My husband has cancer.

Others will be able to help you so please stick around.

I do hope that you will be able to find peace and comfort in what must seem like a never ending challenge.
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