My mom has acute heart failure, she's had 3 occurrences of cancer, rhuematoid arthritis, diabetes, blood pressure issues, and the list goes on. There have been a few trips to the hospital for her heart failure over the past year and she was admitted again two weeks ago for heart failure and hyponatremia (extremely low sodium). Her thinking has been affected this time, she is displaying dementia type of behavior. The dr said it's some kind of mania, it may pass or could be her new normal.
I have taken an unpaid leave from work to be there for her and have been at the hospital every day from early morning til night. She expects me to be there 24/7 and help with all nurse duties. (I'm not a nurse) I'm also staying at her place because I live 3 hrs away. When I'm not at the hospital, my mom phones me to tell me she needs help. It's like a stab to my heart. Mostly she's just confused but getting 2 am calls telling me she's dying and they've disconnected everything is awful. She was so sharp before and this hospital stay, whatever is happening has messed with her mind. I have no idea at this point if she will be leaving the hospital or not.
In between all of this I've had to go to the notary, her bank, deal with her taxes etc.
I'm taking two days to go home to my own place so I can basically cry, process everything and pull myself together so I can be strong for her. I am totally on my own, no spouse or shoulder to lean on. I'm so stressed and I feel guilty like I should be there but I just needed to breathe and be in my own home for two days. I feel like hiding in bed and pulling the covers over my head but I know I need to keep myself going. I guess I just need to vent and know that I'm not totally alone. Can anyone relate? Am I horrible human for needing some time?
sometimes I will cry that i was not here to hold her hand and say good bye.
Nothing is going to change that.
I hope there is a support group in your area to help you. If not there is always all of us here. We understand and will do what we can to help you.
Believe me there is nothing that your are guilty of except loving her.
God bless you.
I have heard, like others, of many who have passed on when their loved one was out, just stepped out for 10 mins even.
If your thinking is still I wish I had been there - if that is hurting you, is it possible to re-write that? I am so glad your Mom called you & you were there to answer at that time. I see that phone call as such blessing.
It was her time to go and as sad as it is, be thankful that she did not suffer for a long time. It is a blessing to her and all that loved her that it was quick.
Remember the good times and the love, mourn her absence, but know that she was exactly where she was supposed to be and it all happened exactly like it was supposed to happen. I know it is hard right now, but there was a reason that you were not there as well. Be kind to yourself and know you did right by your mom.
May God give you grieving mercies during this difficult time.
Hugs, you were a blessing to her, don't forget that.
She called me at 130am this morning and said she was in a dark room and alone, no longer in the hospital. I said mom you are still in the hospital, do you want me to call the nurse? She said you can check but my body is not there. Her voice was crystal clear like it use to be.
I called the nurses station and they checked on her and were comforting her, they thought she had a bad dream. I called my mom back to tell her the nurse was going to help and she was confused and mumbling.
The dr said she was awake this morning and talking. She went downhill fast and was gone within 30 mins.
My mom never went anywhere. She was more of a homebody but her friends wanted her to join them for lunch. She agreed and that is when grandma died. Mom felt terribly guilty for not being with grandma. I think grandma didn’t want mom to see her die. I have heard others say the same, their loved ones died while they were away.
Look at medications she was on before the hospitalization (check with her primaty care provider or pharmacy). Compare this to what she’s taking now. Check for bad interactions between drugs, compare to Mom’s allergies, read side effects. Are there new meds that she doesn’t need? Over medication is common during hospitalizations.
Take care of yourself. Take frequent breaks. As long as you need. Treat yourself with kindness and patience.
Dont correct your Mom. That will harm her confidence. Praise her. Don’t pressure her. Hug her.
Know you you are not alone.
That said take it from me I definitely hear how you are feeling, I find it a bit of a roller coaster of emotions at the moment, but more good days then bad. You take care of yourself and definitely take time for yourself. xx
She is being cared for in the hospital and this is the perfect time to go get your feet under you.
This is a difficult time, but you are obviously a strong person with a good head on your shoulders, you can do this.
Enjoy your 2 days and do whatever you need to do for you. Hugs, I pray her delirium is better when her electrolytes are back in balance.