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Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Some days I feel that my MIL would benefit from 24 7 in my home care and other days I feel that a NH would be best for her. I just don't know at this time but I do know that her son, my husband, has things to do. She has been deemed incompetent.
Just to answer some questions as I am on my dumb phone, or maybe I am not using it right My mil lives with us (since November 2017) due to her need to take pills and not being able to do anything for herself and I don't drive. Her son goes out west hunting every year about that time so I pretty much said she could move in (she was coming over here anyway, I don't know if that was considered wandering, but I felt it was). Our daughter has been helping me since day 1, but she has a young family, my granddaughter is 4 yo. My daughter said she would provide her grandmother with 24 7 in home care (much more practical financially), but my husband, mil's son, wants her placed in a facility. She is too much for me to handle. I don't think she has slept a whole night while being here and from the stories I have heard, I don't think she slept good at her own home, either. Hence, my feelings of wishy washiness. I really don't know what to do or what would be best for her. I wanted to avoid medicaid, but it is not looking like that is going to be possible as the sale of her house will get her about 14 months for a MC facility. I have found 1 facility that has an opening, and they have to do an assessment of her next week to determine the level of care she needs and that will determine the cost. The facility doesn't accept medicaid at this time. Either way, medicaid or not, her home will have to be sold, but we have been told in order to do that, someone, probably my husband, will have to get guardianship. Too many moving parts, etc, to this story!
I understand your pain. My mom was with me for 9 months. This was her 2nd time in the hospital for hallucinations in that time period. They now have her on the right medicine's and she seems much better in a memory care unit. Would love to bring her home and it breaks my heart. But I know it is best for both us because it was literally sucking the life out of me. I was her 24 hour care giver. I'm slowing coming to terms that this is the right choice for both of us. But it still hurts my heart everyday....I can only pray it will get better since she just went in on May 10, 2018.
I can add my dad’s perspective. He’s elderly and very frail but thus far doesn’t deal with dementia. He has watched many family and friends go through the path of aging and all its myriad of issues. He has for many years told his adult children that he will not have any of us live with him and he will not live with any of us. We’ve offered, seeing him as physically frail as he is, but he remains adamant in this. He’s watched the decision of living with family be detrimental to too many relationships and has grown very against it as a result. From many experiences I’ve read here, I see the wisdom in his feelings
Should have read your previous posts. I thought MIL was in a home. From what I glanced at, MIL needs to go to a nursing home. You deserve a life.
Just want you to know, I would not have cared for my MIL. Yes, I would have done the things my husband couldn't do, but he would have the major care. My MIL was passive aggressive. Had enough problems with her living in her home let alone living with me.
Look at it this way. As her Dementia gets worse she will need more care. Are you willing to spend 24/7 caring for her. Will your husband be there so you can have time to yourself. Are you willing to clean up the messes she makes. Try to deal with someone who no longer can reason or understand. Even the sweetest can get violent. Like said, you can always visit often. I would leave her where she is. Change is not good for dementia patients. Looks like husband is not worried because he has things to do.
When are you and DH thinking of making an actual decision about MIL's care?
The thing is. If your MIL is in a nursing home and you find that you want more involvement, you will be free to go there as often as you like to offer her enrichment activities and additional support.
But it doesn't work the other way round. On her bad days, you're not going to be able to call in a SWAT team from the NH to get through. And DH, do you mean, has other things on his mind?
So personally I'd feel that the NH option is the safe side. Have you had a look at some?
I think that inviting someone into your home isn't a decision to be wishy washy about, if you aren't 100% gung ho now then just imagine how difficult it will be to change your mind when you hit the inevitable bumps in the road.
Lostinthemix, (My Goodness, your name says a lot about you and your situation) I have been following your posts and I think that you need to take a look at this current post as I am sure that you can relate to what others are saying on that post.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Just want you to know, I would not have cared for my MIL. Yes, I would have done the things my husband couldn't do, but he would have the major care. My MIL was passive aggressive. Had enough problems with her living in her home let alone living with me.
The thing is. If your MIL is in a nursing home and you find that you want more involvement, you will be free to go there as often as you like to offer her enrichment activities and additional support.
But it doesn't work the other way round. On her bad days, you're not going to be able to call in a SWAT team from the NH to get through. And DH, do you mean, has other things on his mind?
So personally I'd feel that the NH option is the safe side. Have you had a look at some?
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/when-do-you-really-know-if-you-cant-do-it-any-longer-439727.htm