My parents are 87 yrs old with dementia living at home. I’m their daughter who lives across town, I go over to visit every other day. I organize their pill boxes weekly. Sometimes they forget to take their meds and I give them a hard time about it.
I discovered hidden in a cupboard wrapped in tissue, a few days worth of both parents meds. Of course I was puzzled and upset. Are they giving up? Tired of taking these meds? I have not approached them yet. I need advice on how to handle this difficult situation! Thanks. ACM. (Only sibling in town )😬.
Also, a medical professional or social worker needs to determine whether they are forgetting meds occasionally and hiding to avoid being scolded or if they no longer want to take meds and should be evaluated for hospice. We also do not know if anyone has medical POA.
But at the very least, these folks should not be on their own...and it will only get worse.
This is going to be another hurdle for you to jump. I wish I could tell you how.
Actually some people with dementia hide the meds because they are afraid of running out and they think that they will die if they don't have them.
Most likely they have no clue where they put them.
As to "what to do", I doubt that there is much you can do except monitor them more closely, think reminder calls or some sort of alarm system, get a locked timed dispenser, getting additional in home care, or begin thinking of Assisted living for them, which will likely be financed by selling their home, unless they have well funded retirement income. I hope that you have POA for both Medical and Financial, if not do it NOW before it is too late!
Assisted living will be most helpful for you, in that they would be monitored and it would take a lot of of your plate in the everyday management of them, but of course you will still be involved in their care, but it would allow you to be their daughter again, and not their full time Caregiver.
I definitely would consider it, and begin the process of looking into it, as the sooner they are place in the downhill spiral of Dementia, the easier it is for them to adjust to their new surroundings. It is only going to become more and more difficult from here for you, medication mistakes are just the beginning! Please don't become another Burnout Caregiver as it will eat up your whole life, and that is going to become a repeat theme you will hear, here on the forum, we all want You to remain healthy in the Caregiver Marathon! Good luck!
Forgetting to take medication, not knowing what to do with the medication, being confused as to when and how to take it is the tip of the iceberg.
What else is going on that you are unaware of?
Does the stove get left on?
Does either of them wander? A walk around the block now might not be a problem but what happens when one or the other can not find their way home?
Does either of them drive?
A caregiver, or "companion" might help during the day if they do not need "hands on care" a companion can not give medications but they can remind, put the medication in front of them and watch that it is taken,
Are they safe in the house? Or is it time to consider Assisted Living that may transition into Memory Care?
Is there Adult Day Care in your area that they could go to a few days a week? That would keep them occupied and socializing. Some Memory Care Facilities have Day Care..with the hope that if it came to placing someone you would select that place since the person would know the staff, the facility and the routine.
I would not quiz them about hiding or hoarding the medications as they probably have no recollection that it was done.
By the way you might want to discuss with their doctors what if any of the medications can be discontinued. Given that they both have dementia, a condition that will not get better and is not curable, maybe some of the medications are not necessary any longer. Is a medication for lowering cholesterol doing either any good? if they are taking medication for the dementia to slow the progression, is that doing any good (if it ever did)? I would discontinue any medications that are not actually needed. But do so under the direction of the doctor, some have to be withdrawn slowly.
See if swallowing pills has become difficult, if there are side effects you aren’t aware of, anything like that. Maybe they are just tired of taking meds and not seeing or feeling any benefits. And maybe the dementia is causing more issues than you’ve seen before
The first thing to do is to speak to them calmly, gently, quietly and with much love. "Mom, I found yours and Dad's medications wrapped in some tissue, and not taken. Can you tell me about that". To be frank, were they attempting with rationality not to take them they would have disposed of them in a manner in which you would not have found them.
You have said that you feel it is a possibility they have given up. I think the more "likely" explanation is that this is "the disease". And they may not be able to stay alone safely and with assurance that their pills are taken at this point. I shudder to think you are the only sibling in town. You go now every few days. It may be, if you cannot enlist help, that you are down to once a day, and that all pills must BE once a day meds (which means trip to doc if they are more than that).
I think the main thing here is that the two of them may soon not be safe alone at home. I shudder to think it and I know you do, as well.
Start with finding out if they are in control of this. Only way to know if they even know the answer to that is to gently ask them. Do not SCARE them. Simply ask them. Good luck. Update us if you will, as I am so curious is there is a rational explanation.
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