Hello My name is Natasha,
I'm 39 with 3 children and 2 grandsons. My 2 eldest are 21 and 17 and I have a baby of 7 months old and also have a fiance of 3 years and I currently care for my father who is now 66.
5 years ago my mother got really sick, she had been battling cancer for around 10 years. Prior to her getting worse, I took her to the hospital because I noticed she was feeling increasingly worse than usual, the hospital told me that she had suffered a stroke. To cut a long story short, she suffered multiple strokes whilst in the hospital. 5 days had passed and she could not move, talk, just nothing. So the doctors said there is nothing they can do and she probably only has a couple of months to live. I know my mother didn't want to go in a home so I quit work and took her home and cared for her 24/7. I had 4 brothers that didn't want to help, just visit and then leave. Well my mother lasted 15 months and her last 4 days of her life she slipped into a coma and then eventually slipped away to sleep. I was so exhausted so drained but so prvilliged that I was holding my mother/best friend to her last very breath, she was only 62 years young.
I thought then that I would regain some kind of life back. Before I met my partner I was single for 8 years raising my 2 girls on my own with a good job.
So after I buried my mother my dad just moved himself in to my home. I thought ok we have lost the queen of our family and you just need some time, so I didn't think much of it until he started making demands and taking over my home (changing my furniture around telling me what I should be doing and waiting for breakfast lunch and dinner to be served to him. Not to mention always making a remark when I went out either shopping or just time out for myself. My kids were starting to notice it, not to mention he always made them wait on him foot and hand. I had met my partner just before my mum passed and so we decided that we wanted to move forward with our relationship and he moved in with me. After he moved in I noticed that my father was being more demanding as in a cuppa tea or coffee every hour or a sandwich pretty much every 3 hours.
As time went on he started getting aggressive with me as I was spending more time with my partner, also he was putting me down to other family members, these members of the family would call me and tell me what he was saying and that I needed to do more for my father. My daughter got so sick of my father's negativity and controlling ways she moved out.
I continued to look after him with breakfast lunch and dinner and tried to ignore the remarks and negativity he was putting out. During this time one of my brothers came to me because he found out his wife of 20 years was unfaithful and that she left with there children to start a new life with this other man, so my brother needed a place to stay. I said yes, I was pregnant at the time. My brother was suffering from depression due to what he was going through also he was not dealing at all not seeing his kids. It was hard with him at my place because my dad would make remarks like harden up, or your a f#$king p*ssy and to top it off he said you should go hang yourself it's the best thing for you.
About 3 weeks later I went out to go buy a pram as I was due in 8 weeks at that time, so I got home and with a broken heart my brother had commit suicide he was only 42.
My father's reaction was like 'oh well everyone feel sorry for me'.
Anyway this being said I asked my dad to respect my house and my kids and partner please, well he tried to hit me with his walking stick and tried to punch me, yes while I was pregnant. He has made my life a living hell for 3 years now. He has told other family members that he is here to ruin my life and make it a living hell.
He has made my children dislike him due to his attitude and the way he treats me and my partner.
I have so much resentment towards my father. I hate my life not to mention all the health issues I have now.
He is living in your home. You need now to go to a lawyer and find out exactly how to evict him OUT of your home. Give him a set amount of time, and he is gone. If you need a sheriff to remove him, then do so.
Of course if he were to assault you again it would make it so much easier. Because that is a call to the police, removal from your home, and the filing of a restraining order.
You have a primary family. They come first. Not everyone is worthy of our loving care.
Come back and tell us how things are working out.
I am going to do my best to change it only for the better.
I definitely will come back and let you know how it's going.
I am greatful for the advice
You are a wonderful caretaker. You showed that the way you gave your mother love in the hardest part of her life. What you hate is being treated as a slave from someone who should be thankful for all you have done to help his life be better. I think he is sick himself an needs to be in a home. But I am not there. You still need to be a care taker. But this time for yourself and like everyone else has said, your family.
I pray for you, even tho we sometimes know the answers the process is the hardest part. Be kind to yourself.
I appreciate your kind words and especially your advice.
I am working on it and doing my best to change it only for the better.
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