She has no savings. Has to pay caregiver. $20/hr, $300/mo visa bill, groceries utilities, taxes. She hasn’t found a skilled nursing facility she likes. She planned on selling her home to pay for that. She is very particular. So I’m loaning her money every month and she normally pays it back but recently it has been more borrowing and less paying back. What to do?
Please refer this woman in need to APS or family members who might be able to help her with future needs.
Best out to you; clearly you have a good heart, but your head needs to tell you that it will take you a LIFETIME of careful saving and good luck to be able to afford not to be in this poor woman's position in future.
Good luck.
Stop loaning your cousin money she's not paying back. That's giving her money when she owns a home she can sell. That's my suggestion.
She seems to be sucking you in more and more. Your best course is to stop enabling her and set firm boundaries as to what, if any, help you will give her. She won't like it but then you don't like what is happening to you, and you are every bit as important as she is. Your job is first and foremost to look after yourself. No one else can do that.
There are very good suggestion in posts here. You need to protect yourself from this person who is taking advantage of you. No one can take advantage of you without your permission. Time to put a stop to that and put yourself and your needs first. Take steps towards that and take care of you.
If a "loan" in my mind I would feel free to judge everything the person I loaned to--what they paid for a cup of Starbucks; whether they went to movie at night, or cheaper matinee, how often they are out to eat or order in a pizza, whether they were playing around of Home Shopping Network, etc. Not a good thing. Not for them and not for me.
I will only say this. I do give to charities, I do help family members, BUT, I have a set limit I personally will not fall below myself, for what I guesstimate (and it is just that) my own care, given I had to go into memory care tomorrow, would cost me. I am 83 this year. We are getting closer to the point where I cannot outlive my money; but not there yet!
Do understand in your own mind that it takes a LIFETIME of good job, good luck, hard savings, coupon clipping to save up enough to be what Dave Ramsey (I recommend him for your listening pleasure and hers as well) calls "self-insured".
If you are not that--SELF INSURED--you would be foolish to foster another's need beyond small help, grocery bag now and again, etc. Help her explore management of her money; help her keep a good budget. Help her understand the repercussions of non-payment of her bills.
Wish you the best. All your decision as an adult, but just a couple of small things to think about. Hope others can help as well.
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