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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Sounds like you may need a Caregiver Contract as well as a revision to her will. You can read about that by searching in the search bar. Hope your Mother is okay.
Apologies, I ought to have read through all the comments before responding.
Daughter1959, really the time for your mother to be recognising your greater contribution to her wellbeing is now, while she's alive and you're doing it, rather than later and mingled with all of the lifetime's emotions that go into a will. Would she or you give thought to her paying you compensation for your time and care? Money can't buy love, of course, but it can represent respect for what you are doing.
Quite honestly. As outlandish bequests go, this just isn't one. Really? - are you that stunned by the idea of your mother considering her sister as worthy as her children?
Be grateful she doesn't care more about cats or political prisoners, is my advice.
If your mother has, or develops, a chronic/expensive illness such as dementia or COPD or cancer, there is very little likelihood of anybody receiving anything substantial in a will. Sorry. This is the new normal for middle class families.
I've heard of people having only grandchildren in their wills, skipping their children's generation. I've heard of people leaving only keepsakes to their children and willing everything else to a charity. I've heard of people leaving most of their property to the family member who took care of them, and much smaller amounts to other family members. People can do exactly as they please in writing their wills.
How did you find out what is in your mother's will? If Mother told you, did you ask her why she is doing it this way?
daughter1959, since you are in the Will along with your 2 sisters, just curious what do your sisters think about this... or doesn't it matter to them?
I would wait before taking your Mom to see her Attorney. Funerals are high emotions, and things will be said. I would wait for a cooling off, you never know your Mom and her half-sister would be back on speaking terms. That would save you and Mom 4 trips to the Attorney along with all the costs involved to have a Will changed, then later changed back.
It is not unusual for a parent to give equal amounts to each child whether that child is in their life or not. Or to leave money to siblings... remember even a half sibling had one same parent as your Mom.
I've heard of Wills where the son(s) get the bulk of the estate, and the daughter(s) get very little because the daughters are married and have husbands to take care of them.
Of course your mother can leave her money to anyone. But you in turn also have the freedom to do what you want (you don't have to take care of her).
jeannegibbs is totally correct in saying that people may not receive anything in a will, if the elder lives a long time and needs caregiver help or to live in a facility.
Time to negotiate a caregiver's contract, so you can be paid NOW for what you do for your mother. Sounds like no one else is doing anything, so YOU deserve compensation.
You don't have to say that you'd like money eventually to help your son and granddaughter because that opens the door to consideration of other possible heirs. Keep the focus on what YOU deserve, as the sole caregiver to your mother. How do you think your mother would react to this kind of discussion?
First and foremost, the most important thing to do is to make sure your mom is taken care of now. That involves your time and inputs and mom really should pay for these things up front, as taxable income to you, and as reimbursements for expenses (not taxable to you) and payments to others for her needs (she can pay for a gas card at the grocery for your fill ups). If your mother had to go on Medicaid (only had house and $2k in bank) then you would have validly spent down her money as well.
What that does is pay you for your efforts right now so that when the heirs, whomever she picks, will be sharing the remainder of her estate. You will feel better about it overall because you will have taken care of mom and been paid for your time. As much as your siblings don't do, you won't complain as much if you are paid for your time. The siblings might not like it, but if you are POA you don't have to tell them who she's paying for what. That only occurs as the executor.
In your example of leaving her sis a set amount, in my state that amount comes out first and then the shares after. If the person has less than the set amount, that amount comes out first and then the shares get nothing. That might not be your case, but it happens so often with Memory Care sometimes costing over 10K a month that it is worth considering. Perhaps an estate planning attorney is in order if there is a large estate expected after all expenses.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You can read about that by searching in the search bar. Hope your Mother is okay.
Daughter1959, really the time for your mother to be recognising your greater contribution to her wellbeing is now, while she's alive and you're doing it, rather than later and mingled with all of the lifetime's emotions that go into a will. Would she or you give thought to her paying you compensation for your time and care? Money can't buy love, of course, but it can represent respect for what you are doing.
Quite honestly. As outlandish bequests go, this just isn't one. Really? - are you that stunned by the idea of your mother considering her sister as worthy as her children?
Be grateful she doesn't care more about cats or political prisoners, is my advice.
How did you find out what is in your mother's will? If Mother told you, did you ask her why she is doing it this way?
I would wait before taking your Mom to see her Attorney. Funerals are high emotions, and things will be said. I would wait for a cooling off, you never know your Mom and her half-sister would be back on speaking terms. That would save you and Mom 4 trips to the Attorney along with all the costs involved to have a Will changed, then later changed back.
It is not unusual for a parent to give equal amounts to each child whether that child is in their life or not. Or to leave money to siblings... remember even a half sibling had one same parent as your Mom.
I've heard of Wills where the son(s) get the bulk of the estate, and the daughter(s) get very little because the daughters are married and have husbands to take care of them.
jeannegibbs is totally correct in saying that people may not receive anything in a will, if the elder lives a long time and needs caregiver help or to live in a facility.
Time to negotiate a caregiver's contract, so you can be paid NOW for what you do for your mother. Sounds like no one else is doing anything, so YOU deserve compensation.
You don't have to say that you'd like money eventually to help your son and granddaughter because that opens the door to consideration of other possible heirs. Keep the focus on what YOU deserve, as the sole caregiver to your mother. How do you think your mother would react to this kind of discussion?
What that does is pay you for your efforts right now so that when the heirs, whomever she picks, will be sharing the remainder of her estate. You will feel better about it overall because you will have taken care of mom and been paid for your time. As much as your siblings don't do, you won't complain as much if you are paid for your time. The siblings might not like it, but if you are POA you don't have to tell them who she's paying for what. That only occurs as the executor.
In your example of leaving her sis a set amount, in my state that amount comes out first and then the shares after. If the person has less than the set amount, that amount comes out first and then the shares get nothing. That might not be your case, but it happens so often with Memory Care sometimes costing over 10K a month that it is worth considering. Perhaps an estate planning attorney is in order if there is a large estate expected after all expenses.
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