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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I just moved California for Michigan to help out with my my mother, I'm all she has. She is 78, very very angry all the time and now is physically violent I don't know what to do.
Physical violence is never acceptable, whether it's your mother dishing it out or someone else, and despite having dementia or Alzheimer's. Physical violence is not okay. Period.
Next time she gets violent, call 911 like MacinCT said, and get her a psych eval, for both of your sakes. Then start researching Memory Care ALFs so you can sell her house & get her placed. This is likely to be WAY more than you can handle on your own.
I am sorry your Mother is having problems. Whether it is Alz, a different dementia, a difficult personality or just normal grumpiness at aging. If Mother can no longer live alone then she can no longer live alone.
This never means an adult child must become her 24/7 person on call.
What was the reason you came back to care for her?
She moved to California from Michigan in September, having packed her own home into storage, taking her dog and two cats to go and live with her mother. Her mother is 78 and has age-related decline. Shelly believes that her mother has Alzheimer's disease because Shelly's uncle and great-aunt both died from it.
Before moving to California Shelly was aware that she and her mother had never been close.
It's not going well.
Shelly, is turning round and going home to Michigan not an option for you?
I'm sorry you haven't been better received by your mother, but being all that someone has is not always sufficient grounds for a good relationship. And the trouble is that although being very angry can be a sign of mental ill health, it can just as well be a sign of being extremely annoyed with someone who has moved in with you uninvited. Bringing her dog. And her cats.
Could you say just a bit more about what has happened since you arrived in September?
Shelly, you need to start someplace, and the best place to start is a physical exam; you need first to rule out an acute UTI which can cause radical mental changes. You will need then to see that there is a recommend for a mental evaluation, a neuro-psyc exam to see if you are dealing with some modicum of mental illness of dementia. I don't know how impulsive your decision was to completely upend your life, give up your job and move into the home of your mother. Were you aware how ill she is? Did you think you would be able to be a 24/7 caretaker for her? Have you done any paperwork toward POA? If there is no dementia, and just an angry and combative person (only you can assess how radical a change this is in your Mom's personality), then I think you would do well to put that 1,000 of miles between the two of you once again. A place to start would be that the next time there is a violent outburst the Emergency Service are called with 911 and an ambulance to the ER, where you should ask at once for a Social Worker to be involved while a workup is done for Mom. Wishing you good luck and hoping you will update us. So sorry you are going through all this.
Some patients w Alz/Dementia can indeed become extremely angry and violent. Even if they were the sweetest, kindest people in the past. And for people that were narcissist, mean all their lives, it gets even worse. I found a few YouTube video's that talk about how to deal w angry/violent patients. One thing I learned was that you have to be on guard and to always be mindful of your approach when caring for them. ie. Keep a position and a distance from them in anticipation of them kicking, striking out and what have you. I would highly suggest for you to reconsider your expectations. Patients in this situation require 24/7 365 day attention. There is no way one person can cover all the bases and keep their own body mind and spirit from being completely assaulted in situations such as this. It is highly difficult for all the staff at a nursing home to deal with this kind of thing. Day in day out.
I am sorry that you are not being treated well by your mom.
Has she had a physical lately? Is it possible that she has an UTI that is causing her irrational behavior?
If there isn’t a physical or emotional disorder then perhaps you should consider placing her in a facility where she can receive care and you are no longer mistreated.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Next time she gets violent, call 911 like MacinCT said, and get her a psych eval, for both of your sakes. Then start researching Memory Care ALFs so you can sell her house & get her placed. This is likely to be WAY more than you can handle on your own.
Good luck!
This never means an adult child must become her 24/7 person on call.
What was the reason you came back to care for her?
She moved to California from Michigan in September, having packed her own home into storage, taking her dog and two cats to go and live with her mother. Her mother is 78 and has age-related decline. Shelly believes that her mother has Alzheimer's disease because Shelly's uncle and great-aunt both died from it.
Before moving to California Shelly was aware that she and her mother had never been close.
It's not going well.
Shelly, is turning round and going home to Michigan not an option for you?
I'm sorry you haven't been better received by your mother, but being all that someone has is not always sufficient grounds for a good relationship. And the trouble is that although being very angry can be a sign of mental ill health, it can just as well be a sign of being extremely annoyed with someone who has moved in with you uninvited. Bringing her dog. And her cats.
Could you say just a bit more about what has happened since you arrived in September?
I don't know how impulsive your decision was to completely upend your life, give up your job and move into the home of your mother. Were you aware how ill she is? Did you think you would be able to be a 24/7 caretaker for her? Have you done any paperwork toward POA?
If there is no dementia, and just an angry and combative person (only you can assess how radical a change this is in your Mom's personality), then I think you would do well to put that 1,000 of miles between the two of you once again.
A place to start would be that the next time there is a violent outburst the Emergency Service are called with 911 and an ambulance to the ER, where you should ask at once for a Social Worker to be involved while a workup is done for Mom.
Wishing you good luck and hoping you will update us. So sorry you are going through all this.
Has she had a physical lately? Is it possible that she has an UTI that is causing her irrational behavior?
If there isn’t a physical or emotional disorder then perhaps you should consider placing her in a facility where she can receive care and you are no longer mistreated.
Best wishes to you.