Instead of getting better, I'm getting worse. He became dangerously aggressive after 10 years of my caring for him. I gave it my all, but couldn't handle it anymore. I feel lost. He was/still is the love of my life. My family is gone. Now I can't even visit him because of the coronavirus. I stay busy, but also just stay on pins and needles. I have an embroidery business in my home and I've always loved doing it, but now I've lost interest and can't seem to get going again. What is wrong with me and when will it end?
Sending you much love and hugs. And remember we are always here for you.
Who says you are supposed to "get over it"
This is like a death. And no one should tell someone that is grieving to .."get over it".
You did the best that you could for as long as you could.
And you did not care for him for over 10 years, you cared for him for 52 years and I am sure a few years before that even.
I told myself when my Husband was diagnosed with dementia (Alzheimer's and Vascular) that I would keep him home as long as it was SAFE. Safe for him and safe for me.
I am sure your husband would not have meant to harm you but what would have happened to him if he had hurt you? You may have been injured to the point that you would have been hospitalized and then where would he be? What if he had killed you? (a friend of mine has permanent back injury due to her husband shoving her up against a wall. She placed him after an incident where she woke up when he wrapped one of his hands around her throat and had a knife in his other hand)
On the other side of the coin how would you feel if he started resisting while you were caring for him and because of that he got injured? I am sure the guilt would consume you as much as this does.
By the way another thought, you might want to talk to your doctor about this stress and depression. There is a fine line between depression and grieving talking with a therapist might help (although might have to be a tele-conference at this point.)
Keep staying busy. We are all on pins and needles at this point.
There is nothing wrong with you do not let anyone tell you there is.
Stay strong, stay healthy!
The incidents you mentioned were frightening, to say the least. My life was threatened and I truly believe the Good Lord is all that stopped it at the last minute. Thank you for sharing what CAN happen.
Treatment works! Please put in a call today!
Have you any social connections, even online? There are some VERY good people here, and although all of us have different stories, we all are living in situations in which we are caregivers for Loved Ones, or sometimes not too lovable relatives/friends.
We do our best to keep a stiff upper lip, but I think I can safely say that ALL of us definitely understand your feelings, and welcome you for whatever we can offer- sometimes it just helps to know that there’s someone around who knows how much work you had over the years you were caring for your husband at home.
So summing up, you’re doing ALL YOU CAN right now, and it’s OK. PLEASE come and let us know when things get tough. Somebody will be here, I guarantee it!
Thank you for your kind response.
And it's true that caregivers try to show a stiff upper lip, but mine tends to quiver! I am a poor actress. I just break down.
It's a big change. Maybe you need to see someone, maybe you could benefit from a med (or from some natural supplements and behaviors to fight depression).
So while it is hard, and none of us know how long this will last and how long we will have to wait it out, don't punish yourself for thinking something is wrong with you.
May God shower you with His choicest blessings in your sorrow.
Bob in North Carolina